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Why I love my Aussie wife

Ellen DeGeneres invites Judith Newman into her Beverly Hills home — where she opens up about her love for Portia de Rossi.

With a top-rating TV talk show, a year-old marriage and a new career as a model, it seems Ellen DeGeneres has finally hit her stride after a bumpy ride that included a cancelled sitcom and a painful break-up with actor Anne Heche.

And although she’s thrilled to be considered a beauty role model at 51, after landing a gig as the face of a cosmetics campaign, Ellen says it’s much better to finally be truly happy.

“It’s sad to be defined by beauty, because it’s something that goes away and changes,” she tells The Lowdown. “If you’re trying to chase that forever, you’re in trouble.

“As I’ve aged and matured, I just feel better about myself, more confident and more comfortable in my own skin. As that’s happened, I think I look better than I’ve ever looked, because that’s just what happens when you feel better about yourself.”

And it seems that Ellen credits one thing in particular for her glow — being married to former Geelong girl, Portia de Rossi. Asked when she felt the most beautiful, she doesn’t even hesitate.

“The day I got married,” Ellen says, tears welling in her eyes. “Excuse me, it’s just very emotional.

“You find the person you love, you think you’ve come this far … and anyway, I never thought I’d have a wedding, and I did, and it meant more than I imagined.”

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Liam’s tangled love triangle with Miley Cyrus

Just days after kissing Miley Cyrus goodbye at Nashville Airport and breaking up with his girlfriend Laura Griffin, Liam Hemsworth seemed oblivious to the heartbreak he has caused, heading out surfing with mates off Phillip Island.

The 19-year-old actor ended his five-year relationship with Victorian student Laura when he returned home last week, and his reported new love, US superstar Miley, is already pining for him.

Only hours after farewelling Liam, the reality hit home for Miley, 16, who turned to Twitter to unload her feelings.

“Already feeling a little blue,” the teen star wrote. Days later, her mood had not lifted and Miley reported that she was listening to love songs and was “officially depressed”. She later added, “I just wanna be cuddled.”

Meanwhile, Liam’s Phillip Island high school sweetheart Laura, 19, is so devastated that she is fleeing her home in an attempt to avoid her ex.

“Phillip is not where I want to be right now,” she told friends on Facebook, adding she plans to move to the “amazing state of sunshine”, Queensland.

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Kidnap nightmare — Jaycee’s stolen childhood

If she’s lucky Jaycee might eventually recover from her unspeakable ordeal at the hands of kidnapper Phillip Garrido, but the 18 years he stole from her life can never be regained. Ray Chesterton writes how a monster robbed an innocent young girl of her childhood.

Theft is not one of the 29 charges sex-obsessed religious fanatic Phillip Garrido is facing. It should be.

Garrido, a gaunt, sullen-looking predator, robbed Jaycee Lee Dugard of the precious gift of childhood when he kidnapped her from a bus stop not far from her house in California when she was 11 years old.

For the next 18 years he kept her prisoner in a hidden garbage dump in his backyard, subjecting her to unending obscenities including rape, which resulted in her mothering two children, who were delivered in a rundown shed without medical help.

Jaycee became the child that time forgot. Memories of a past, happier life were buried deeper and deeper as birthday after birthday went by, slowly erasing memories of anything except the reality of living in squalor and forced to submit to Garrido’s sexual debauchery.

For Jaycee, the choice was stark: accept the new reality of her life — or go crazy.

Psychiatrists and welfare officers are already working on repairing the fragile minds of Jaycee and her daughters, who have only just learnt that the woman they thought was a sister is their mother.

But there is no human remedy for the irreplaceable loss of childhood and its magical moments and life-long memories. Her 11-year-old world of enchanted fantasies, fairies and expectations was torn apart by the brutality and degradation inflicted by Garrido for the next 18 years.

She was an angel in a man-made hell, a grubby mattress in the barn with a crude shower and outhouse her only familiarity. Psychiatrists say it will take hundreds of hours of intense therapy to erase the pain and mental trauma inflicted on Jaycee.

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Get vulnerable

Picture this… You’re at a bar with your partner. You have some great chats with another man. As you leave, your partner makes cutting comments about your “flirting”. You feel attacked and make nasty comments back. When you get home, doors are slammed and there’s tension in the air for the next 24 hours.

There’s another way to play out a conflict situation, says relationship counsellor John Douglas, one which will bring a couple closer.

Let’s replay the bar scenario. Resisting any urge to bite back after your partner makes his comments, you might say, “It seems like you’re angry. What else is under this anger? What are you really upset about?” If prompted in a loving way, he might feel safe to express what’s really going on for him. Underneath anger, there’s always an emotion that’s much softer, more vulnerable.

Imagine your partner admits, “I was afraid you’d be attracted to that guy. I’m feeling really insecure in our relationship at the moment.” Suddenly there’s a good chance you’ll feel compassion for him. He’ll feel understood, which will help him move past those feelings of jealousy. And you’ll feel like you’ve been given a window into his intimate feelings. You might even have the chance to find out about other situations in his past that have made him feel insecure. This brings you closer.

“The whole vibe changes,” John says. “It’s no longer confrontational.”

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A touch of spice

A few hundred years ago, you needed a fortune to fill your larder with spices. They were brought by sailing ship from the “spice islands”, and tasted of adventure and luxury.

These days cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, etc, can be bought for a few dollars at the supermarket: tired, elderly spices months or, more likely, years old, with most of the richness of their fragrance lost.

You only realise how truly stunning spices are when you smell them freshly picked. And luckily many spices are easy to grow in your backyard or in a pot on your patio or sunny windowsill.

The spice to end all spices is probably the allspice tree (Pimenta officinalis) that smells and tastes deliciously like a blend of cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg. The brown powdered spice you buy in the supermarkets is usually the powdered leaves, but you can also buy the fragrant dried berries too, either whole or in powdered form.

Allspice is a giant evergreen tree from the rainforests of Central America, but luckily you don’t need a rainforest — or even a giant frost-free garden — to grow it. For home use it’s probably best in a big pot, where it’ll grow to about 1.5m. It likes a semi-shaded spot, and lots of warmth and moisture — it’s perfect for a patio. I’ve also grown one in a smaller pot in our sunny living room, though admittedly a small pot plant only gives you a dozen or so leaves to pick each year, unless you want to turn the poor plant bald.

If you do live in a frost-free climate though, with rich deep soil and a shady spot, do plant it outdoors. It’ll eventually grow to about 12m — and the fragrance will be stunning. You need male and female plants for the small white flowers to set fruit, but the leaves themselves are quite fragrant enough not to worry about the berries.

I usually use the leaves fresh, either lining a cake tin with them, or adding a leaf to custards. But they can also be dried and crumbled, and stored in a sealed container, to use like you’d use the powder from a supermarket.

You probably won’t find allspice trees for sale in your local nursery, unless they specialise in herbs and spices, but if you use a search engine to look up “allspice trees” on the Internet you’ll find at least one and probably several places that will sell them by mail order.

If you don’t feel ambitious enough for an allspice tree you can make your own “spiced sugar” with dianthus flowers.

Dianthus are low-growing perennials, forming a mat about 30cm wide after a few years, with masses of small bright stunningly scented flowers. They love sun and heat, and tolerate dry soil as long as they’re given a good watering every fortnight or so.

Many of the modern cultivars have been bred for looks rather than scent, big showy multi-coloured beauties, but nearly all still have got loads of perfume. The most strongly fragrant though are the old-fashioned “pinks” — so called either because they used to only come in shades of pink, white and mauve, or from the “pinked” edges of their petals — looking like they had been trimmed with pinking shears.

If you’re planting dianthus now or in summer in very hot areas, I’d give them some shelter with shadecloth for a few months ’til they are well established. Otherwise just give them plenty of space. The two things dianthus really hate are being crowded out by taller plants and deep shade.

To use them in cooking, pick the flowers in the early morning, dry them on a few sheets of newspaper ’til they feel crisp, then layer them in a container of caster sugar ’til the sugar is strongly perfumed. Check regularly to make sure they don’t go mouldy — the flowers must bedrybefore they’re added to the sugar, or you’ll end up with a soggy and possibly fermenting mess.

Dianthus’s close relative, sweet william, are just as strongly perfumed, and give a much more dramatic display all through the heat of summer. While I’ve never used them in cooking (and don’t intend to; you need to beverysure that any flowers that come near food are safe) they do give your garden an almost ethereal fragrance, strong enough to waft indoors as well. There is nothing like great big bowls full of sweet william flowers to fill your house with perfume.

The punnets of small or dwarf sweet williams are usually annuals; you plant them and they flower a few months later. The gorgeous giant ones are biennials — first-year foliage only and then masses of flowers in their second. They can grow up to a metre high, and the scent will knock your socks off — and the stockings off anyone passing by, too. For these true stunners you’ll need to look for packets of seed; nurseries very rarely stock them, as they take so long to bloom.

All dianthus grow best with fertile soil and regular watering, mulch and a scattering of fertiliser every three weeks to encourage them to keep blooming. If their growth is too lush, you may need to stake them.

But as a reward you’ll get armfuls of the most extraordinary blooms, with a true scent of paradise. They’re one of the most wonderful things I know to bring as a gift to any friend or someone who needs cheering up.

Sweet williams are one of those old-fashioned blooms that you’ll never find in florists. And once you’ve known their fragrance — or the scent of home-grown allspice — you’ll find it hard to settle for the pale scents of commercial products again.

Your say: What is your favourite spice? Share with us below…

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Spring clean your mind

Stress relief

Just as too much booze and junk food can make your body sluggish, emotional baggage — in the form of negative thoughts, mental blocks and limiting self-beliefs — can clog up your mind. These three steps can help you to change:

  • Do the opposite

If something feels comfortable, it’s natural to keep doing it. But sometimes the reason it feels safe is because it’s familiar, not because it’s right or best for you. Think about why you’ve made certain choices and whether they were good ones. Every so often, break the pattern — and do the opposite to what you would usually do. 

  • Don’t try to be perfect

Learning to like yourself, just as you are, sets you free. Every time guilt raises its ugly head, push it away. Don’t beat yourself up about things in the past: the only thing that is really important now is that you have learned from your actions. Accept that you can’t change the past or other people’s behaviour — but you can change the way you think about them. 

  • Loosen up

If you only feel comfortable in a black-and-white world where there are absolute rights and wrongs, you are setting yourself up for problems. A rigid outlook will deny you the opportunity to appreciate other viewpoints and to consider different options in your life; you also risk alienating people because you are only listening to those things they say that you agree with. Commit to being softer, more open and understanding.

Your say: How will you spring clean your mind the year? Share your tips below…

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Exit the (comfort) zone

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Exit the (comfort) zone

Staying put in life is a bit like sitting in a boat that’s tied up: you might be afloat, but you’re not going anywhere — and you’re probably not having much fun, either. A routine is one step away from a rut. If you sense it’s time for a change, but you’re unsure, here’s how to move forward.

Tune in. Know thyself, wrote Shakespeare. Self-knowledge fuels your ability to grow. If you are acting solely according to what other people think or need, then your energy and self-awareness are diluted, and any risk prompts fear. Times of change require ‘inner listening’ to your gut feeling and personal values.

When you feel centred, you also feel more assured and receptive to the possibilities that a change presents. Aim for a daily meditative practice, where you sit quietly for 15 minutes. Be vigilant about defending this time from distractions. Ask yourself: What is the next right thing for me to do? The answer will come, all in good time.

Face the fear. Being willing to take a calculated risk is, in fact, hard-wired into our brains, and it is critical to our survival as a species. For centuries, it has been the tribe or individual who was prepared to learn, adapt and change they way they did something that were more likely to enjoy an improvement in their circumstances. While living in a world where we are bombarded with negative news at every turn – if the terrorists don’t get you, the GFC or Hendra virus will – encourages a scaredy-cat mindset, this is potentially more dangerous than the dangers themselves. Why? Because when we insulate ourselves from emotion, sensation and action, we become less alive. Doing something that scares you can be challenging, but it is essential for the development of self-esteem, psychological strength and the enjoyment of life.

Turn obstacles into opportunities. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The one thing you think you can’t change? That’s the thing you must change.” We humans are notoriously risk-averse: a habit, job or relationship can be causing us actual physical pain, but we still cling to it. Taking a chance is an opportunity to learn and grow. Break down what you need to do into manageable steps. And recognise that slightly panicked feeling for what it really is: excitement.

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Water bottle warning

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For your health (and the planet’s), you might want to rethink what you drink out of. Pamela Allardice explains why.

  • Chemical question-mark. Along with tin-can linings, hoses, paints, dentistry composites and plastic containers, some plastic bottles are made from polycarbonate (PC) plastic (No. 7 recycling code), which contains the chemical bisphenol-A (BPA). BPA is a xenoestrogen, meaning it mimics oestrogen in the body, which may disrupt hormone function. While research into BPA’s effects on human health is still ongoing, there are enough animal studies – indicating that even low levels interfere with reproductive health, immune function, and brain development, and may also be linked to heart disease, obesity and diabetes – to warrant avoiding it.

A study from the University of Cincinatti suggests that PC containers leach BPA faster when exposed to hot liquid; another, from the Harvard School of Public Health, shows that drinking from PC bottles increases urinary output of BPA by two-thirds; yet another, published in Environmental Health Perspectives, indicates BPA lingers in the body eight times longer than was originally thought. Plus, the jury is still out on whether plastic containers that are scratched from repeated use leach chemicals into the beverages they contain. Interestingly, Canada has listed BPA as a toxic chemical; children, with their developing hormone systems, may be more susceptible – visit www.chej.org/BPA_Website.htm. Some manufacturers, notably Nalgene, who make bottles for campers and outdoor use, have voluntarily eliminated BPA.

  • Environmental risk. The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is a 3.5 million tonne plastic and styrofoam rubbish ‘island’, about as big as the Northern Territory. It floats between Hawaii and California and is expanding every year. The plastic doesn’t break down completely: instead, it produces nurdles, millions of minute particles that absorb oily toxins that won’t dissolve in salt water, along with chemicals like DDT. These carcinogenic and hormone-disrupting particles are eaten by birds and fish. Not buying plastic water bottles won’t solve the whole problem, as many other plastic items are involved – but it would make a difference.

What about recycling? The Total Environment Centre says only around 30 per cent of plastics are recycled. In any case, recycling plastic bottles (or other plastic) isn’t a total solution, given that the recycling process itself requires some energy and may generate environmental emissions. As well as recycling, it makes more sense to stop the waste before it starts.

  • $$$ and sense Here’s a hard hip-pocket fact: some brands of bottled water can cost upwards of 100 times more than tap!

So, what can a thirsty person do? Drink tap water or, if you prefer, filter it — nanofiltration and reverse osmosis systems remove most bacteria, heavy metals and chemical contaminants. Compare styles at www.waterfiltercomparisons.com.au. Never leave home without your stainless steel bottle, like the uber-cool SIGG (www.biome.com.au) and Earthlust designs (www.buttnatural.com.au). They both offer lots of different sizes, shapes, colours, and cap styles. And make other no-plastic tactics – like using stainless steel, glass or ceramic cookware and storage containers – a habit.

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Is David Mary MacKillop’s third miracle?

Bashed backpacker David Keohane’s family were told to say goodbye. Glen Williams tells how he lived, thanks, they believe, to an Aussie nun.

David Keohane is renowned for his compassion. A hard-working tiler, the Irishman gave much of his spare time to voluntary counselling for Lifeline. He was 29 ? in his prime ? when last August, in the dead of a Sydney night, while walking home after buying a pizza, David was bashed beyond recognition.

Mary MacKillopwas known as the Battler’s Saint, the tireless nun who stood shoulder to shoulder with the poor, suffering and dispossessed. She died 100 years ago, but many believe her spirit lives on. And if Australian Catholics have their way, Mother Mary MacKillop will shortly become our first official saint.

And David Keohane just might be the final miracle needed to declare her one.

When David was found unconscious in a Coogee street, he was never expected to survive his injuries. But eight months later, he awoke from his coma on Saint Patrick’s Day. His family have no doubt it was the power of prayer and the intercession of Mary MacKillop that paved the way for God to work wonders.

“David was so badly injured I couldn’t recognise him,” says Father Tom Devereux, chaplain to Sydney’s Irish community. “He looked nothing like the young man in the photo they’d placed above his bed at Prince of Wales Hospital.”

For days, Father Tom sat by David’s bed, praying and willing him to live. “He’d make a gradual improvement, and then go down yet again. I didn’t really hold out much hope.”

But Father Tom, a strong believer in the power of prayer, had been praying for Mary MacKillop to intercede on David’s behalf. “Mary MacKillop had been helpful to me in my ministry. So I took David’s nice little family, very faithful prayers, to Mary’s tomb in the Mary MacKillop Memorial Chapel in North Sydney and to meet the Sisters of Saint Joseph [which Mary co-founded in 1866].”

Then, on March 17 this year, Father Tom received the most joyous of phone calls. David had emerged from his coma. “All our prayers had been answered. We were elated.”

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Bec’s Bahamas nightmare

The look of fear on Bec Hewitt’s face when she leaves the high-security Bahamas mansion she and Lleyton call home is warranted, Annette Witheridge discovers.

When her tennis ace husband Lleyton Hewitt announced they were moving to the Bahamas, Bec probably expected to find a sizzling new social life among the rich and famous. If so, she must be sorely disappointed.

To outsiders, the high-security gated community of Old Fort Bay looks like an idyllic place to bring up children. But in reality, the 197-hectare “village” is a gilded cage, surrounded by spiked fences and barbed wire.

Just 25 minutes drive away, locals live in abject poverty in the slums of Nassau, and Bec’s neighbours warn that it’s is a dangerous place blighted by crime, poverty and high unemployment. Armed robberies are commonplace, and last week a 34-year-old mother of three became the country’s 53rd murder victim this year when she was gunned down metres from a church. A few days later two more people were killed.

Lleyton, 28, chose the main island of New Providence because he wanted easy access to America’s lucrative tennis circuit. Old Fort Bay is just a 10-minute drive from the busy international airport.

Bec, 26, no doubt expected to make friends with young neighbours, but in reality there are few. Aside from pop singer Shakira, who lives on the coast, most of the residents are retired bankers and businessmen.

Adding to her loneliness is the fact that while Lleyton is instantly recognised by the sports crazy locals, no-one has any idea who former Home And Away star Bec is.

“Lleyton couldn’t be friendlier,” gardener Charles Lewitts says. “But his wife looks so lonely. She is always at the playground with her little girl. It’s such a shame there aren’t any other children here.”

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