It was thought by all those around me that I was in for something special. I worked in my field for three years, and then gave it all away. Those who had looked up to me now look down on me with an expression of betrayal and disdain.
I went back to university to study another field, which was my new interest – it was what I wanted to do with my life.
I enjoyed the work for about a year, and then grew bored. I have now been in the field for ten years and the only thing keeping me from quitting is my large mortgage.
I have other interests, but I seem to be fairly fickle. Should I pursue these, only to grow bored after a year? Should I jeopardise my lifestyle on such whims?
Some of my friends have told me that life will start to take on new meaning once I have children. However, my wife and I are unable to have children, despite having exhausted all possible avenues – along with large sums of money and emotion.
I am now 42 years old, and I feel like my life has been a complete failure. I still don’t even know what I should do with my life. All I know is that whatever I choose I will tire of it in short order and become bored and despondent again.
I also feel like I have failed my wife by not being able to provide her with children, or with an easy lifestyle as she works hard to help pay the mortgage and bills.
Should I simply give up and accept that life is not something to enjoy but rather to endure? If so, what’s the point of life?
You and your wife are a team and are working together to fund your mortgage and bills, which is how the majority of modern couples live. If you voiced your concerns about not supporting her it’s more than likely that she will reassure you that this is not what she expects – in fact she could well be very surprised that you feel like this.
You imply that it is because of you that you haven’t been able to have a family; if that situation were reversed would you call your wife a failure? Not being able to have a family can be very hard to come to terms with but you owe it your wife and yourself to deal with it together and give her the chance to offer you the love and support you would want to give to her.
In time you can also consider whether fostering would be something you would be interested in, as that is an area where you can make a huge difference to a child’s life and get so much back from them.
Your current personal and professional situations have a great deal to do with your feeling that life is to be endured, rather than enjoyed, but that can change.
You have a loving wife and friends who can see the worth in you even when you cannot and you’re going through a very vulnerable time when you’re too quick to criticise yourself.
The job situation and desire for constant change and stimulation is something which applies to many people, particularly very creative individuals and doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
You are clearly very bright and able to apply yourself effectively to any project but having major financial concerns does make it difficult to change jobs frequently so you should investigate whether your current employer offers any further training or education you could take advantage of to develop your career along a more interesting path.
Speak to an employment consultant who will be able to look at your career and experience in a more dispassionate way and help you consider your options. Don’t suffer alone – you’re at a time when you need help so ask for it and you can start to make positive changes.
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