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The amazing health benefits of Pilates

Postural improvement Increased stamina Improved sex life! “This system can isolate and work the lower abdominals,” Allan explains. “This provides more strength in the mobility of the pelvis and therefore the pelvic floor… a very important part of our sex lives.”

  1. Lie on your back with a cushion under your head. Lengthen your hips away from the ribs so there’s no arch in the back and your pelvis is not tilted upwards. Your feet should be 60cm from your backside. Keep your heels on the ground, with your toes pulled up.

  2. Place your hands behind your head, with thumbs and fingers intertwined and in that little ‘dip’ in the base of your skull.

  3. Every Pilates movement begins with a breath; so the count is: Breathe out for two (more like a deep, loud sigh out ), curl your ribs toward your hips as close as you can. You should bring your head and shoulders off the ground; then breathe in until your shoulders are about to touch the ground again. Breathe out and curl forward again. Repeat three sets of 10 repetitions every day.

Keep in mind that your ribs must never lift higher than the horizontal line of the hips.

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Fatima Bhutto on murder, assassination and her family ‘cult’

The history of Pakistan's powerful Bhutto family is written in blood, with murder, assassination and mysterious death commonplace. A young member of this cursed clan, Fatima, born to privilege but now in constant peril, tells the shocking inside story to William Langley.
Fatima Bhutto on murder, assassination and her family 'cult'

Left: Fatima Bhutto; right: People mourn the death of Fatima's aunt Benazir Bhutto

Fatima Bhutto is chic, petite and beautiful, but the story she tells is awash with blood and treachery. Born into one of the world’s great political dynasties, she relates its fortunes with an insider’s candour, but it would take a Shakespeare, a Homer or a Cecil B. DeMille to do the job properly.

An outline of the plot might run like this… In ancient times, a warrior tribe settles in a remote area of what is now southern Pakistan. One family eventually becomes pre-eminent, its fortunes built on an ability to out-scheme its rivals, and in time the whole country falls into its hands. Then things start to go wrong.

The revered patriarch bequeaths power to his beautiful, autocratic daughter, but her rule is tainted by corruption and excess. Her younger brother dies in mysterious circumstances; her older brother rebels against her and is murdered. Her favourite niece accuses the new ruler of plotting against her own kin. The matriarch is driven into exile, where she seethes and conspires, and finally returns, only to be assassinated.

Fatima, the 28-year-old inheritor of these chronicles of mayhem, is sitting in a London theatre cafe — a glossy, engaging presence with movie-star looks and a mind that wastes no time on sentiment. The Bhuttos have dominated Pakistan’s politics for decades and, even as a little girl, Fatima basked in the glow of specialness, doted on by her relatives and raised with an exalted sense of destiny. Today, though, far from home, she seems scared and lost — disillusioned with what her family has wrought and threatened in her home country for having breached the Bhuttos’ hallowed code of silence.

She describes the family as “a cult” and argues that its insatiable hunger for power has corroded its collective soul. “There’s this idea,” she says, “that if you are a Bhutto, the people owe you a blood debt and you are entitled not just to be in charge, but to have this kind of other-worldly standing, and the whole thing badly needs demystifying.”

Fatima’s sense that her privileged birthright might be something other than an advantage began when, aged 14 and cowering with her younger brother in an upstairs room of the family home in Karachi, she heard her father being mowed down in a hail of bullets. Only later, still raw with grief, did she come to the conclusion that her aunt, Benazir, had ordered his death. “My papa was a wonderful man,” she says. “When that happens to you, it changes everything.”

Mir Murtaza Bhutto, the charismatic, 42-year-old elder son of family patriarch Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, had recently returned to Pakistan after several years of self-imposed exile. He had voiced stinging criticisms of Benazir, then in her second term as prime minister, and the tensions between them were steadily worsening.

On September 20, 1996, an armed police unit arrived at Murtaza’s house, apparently with orders to arrest him on charges of subversion. Up in her room, Fatima heard the sirens, the car doors slamming, the shouting and, finally, a long burst of gunfire. “My little brother said, ‘Why are they letting off fireworks?’,” she recalls, “but I knew it was more than that.”

The police would not let anyone leave the house. Desperate for information, Fatima telephoned Benazir’s private office. The teenager and her powerful aunt had always been close. “We were each other’s favourites,” she says. “When I was little, we used to laugh and eat disgustingly sticky sweets together. She was always kind to me.” Surely, Benazir would help.

Instead, the call was taken by Benazir’s husband, Asif Zardari — now the president of Pakistan — who informed Fatima that Benazir was unavailable. “But why?,” she persisted. “It’s her niece. I have to speak to her.”

“Oh, don’t you know?” replied Asif, coolly. “Your papa’s been shot.”

Fatima’s belief that Benazir was behind her father’s murder has only strengthened with the years and it lies at the core of her controversial new book, Songs Of Blood And Sword. To many people around the world, Benazir was an authentic heroine — a champion of democracy, free expression and women’s rights in a corner of the world heavily identified with bearded men waving Korans and setting fire to American flags.

“I completely understand why she was so admired,” says Fatima. “In Pakistan, too, when she became prime minister, it was as though she was carrying all our hopes and dreams, and there was this virtual adoration of her and a longing for her to do well. But the truth is that power changed Benazir and once she had it, she became a very different person.

“The West didn’t notice the change so much. It carried on seeing a political pin-up. Here was a woman running an Islamic country, she was beautiful, she spoke very good English, she said all the right things and it all made her extremely acceptable.

“But what we saw in Pakistan was corruption, abuse of power and absolutely nothing being done to improve the country. And this woman, who was supposed to be a figurehead of women’s rights, who spoke out for full democracy, was one of just three world leaders to recognise the Taliban. So that was the Benazir we had to live with.”

However intoxicated Benazir had become with power, could she really have ordered the execution of her own brother? Fatima wishes she could believe otherwise, yet such horrors, she says, are the poisonous legacy of the Bhutto cult.

“It’s terribly painful for me to think of her this way,” says Fatima, who is coming to Australia in May for the Sydney Writers’ Festival. “I loved her when I was young. I wanted nothing more than to be around her and it was partly because she was an incredibly vulnerable woman who was extraordinarily brave, and even as a child, you felt that you wanted to protect her and that she needed you to be there.

“So I watched her change from someone who suffered into someone who caused suffering, from someone who knocked down walls into someone who built them and from someone who fought against oppression into someone who would tolerate absolutely no criticism, and that was the nature of the beast.”

In 1996, Benazir was driven from office and spent much of the next decade living abroad, mostly in London and Dubai, in a state of luxurious frustration. In 2007, aged 54, she returned to Pakistan, intent on regaining power. On the night of December 27, as she left an election rally in Rawalpindi attended by hundreds of thousands of supporters, a suicide attacker first opened fire on her, hitting her in the neck, then detonated a bomb. She was pronounced dead on arrival at hospital.

Fatima’s huge, chocolatey eyes moisten as she recalls her aunt’s all-too-foreseeable death. Although estranged, the two women were irrevocably bound together by the Bhutto bloodlines and a shared sense of fate. “I cried for the next five days,” writes Fatima in her book. “By the time I had drained myself of tears, I had cried for everyone.”

Whatever Benazir’s other failings, no one could accuse her of lacking courage. She had been repeatedly warned that Pakistan’s violent jihadis — adherents of a bleak mediaeval theology who despised her both as a woman and a politician — were out to kill her. She took no notice. “I am not afraid of dying,” she said shortly after arriving back in Pakistan. “When it comes, it comes. It doesn’t scare me. They can kill me, but they can’t kill democracy.”

Her death was one more milestone in the Bhuttos’ tragic history. Fatima’s grandfather, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, a former prime minister, was hanged by a military junta in 1979 and her uncle, Shahnawaz, was found dead, apparently poisoned, at his home on the French Riviera in 1985. “Benazir had a saying,” muses Fatima. ” ‘Kill a Bhutto, get a Bhutto’, and it is a kind of truth.”

Today, Fatima feels her own position threatened. Her book is a runaway best-seller, which has not only made her enemies, but also established her — unwillingly — in Pakistan as a symbol of opposition to the government. She worries for her safety, but says she’ll never leave the country. “I don’t intend to run for anything [politically],” she says. “I just don’t believe in birthright politics. How can you honestly argue for democracy when you are trading on your name?

“During the last election, I went out on the streets, trying to get women, particularly, to vote. And I met quite a lot of them who would say, ‘Well, we’re going to vote for Benazir’. And I would say, ‘But you can’t, she’s dead’, and they’d look a little hurt and say, ‘Well, we want to anyway’.

“That’s what the Bhuttos have created. People don’t vote for ideas. They vote for ghosts.”

Songs Of Blood And Sword by Fatima Bhutto, published by Jonathan Cape, $34.95. Fatima will be a guest of the 2011 Sydney Writers’ Festival, May 16-22. For details and bookings, visit swf.org.au.

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Fatima Bhutto on murder, assassination and her family ‘cult’

Fatima Bhutto on murder, assassination and her family 'cult'

Left: Fatima Bhutto; right: People mourn the death of Fatima's aunt Benazir Bhutto

The history of Pakistan’s powerful Bhutto family is written in blood, with murder, assassination and mysterious death commonplace. A young member of this cursed clan, Fatima, born to privilege but now in constant peril, tells the shocking inside story to William Langley.

Fatima Bhutto is chic, petite and beautiful, but the story she tells is awash with blood and treachery. Born into one of the world’s great political dynasties, she relates its fortunes with an insider’s candour, but it would take a Shakespeare, a Homer or a Cecil B. DeMille to do the job properly.

In pictures: Notorious Australians

An outline of the plot might run like this… In ancient times, a warrior tribe settles in a remote area of what is now southern Pakistan. One family eventually becomes pre-eminent, its fortunes built on an ability to out-scheme its rivals, and in time the whole country falls into its hands. Then things start to go wrong.

The revered patriarch bequeaths power to his beautiful, autocratic daughter, but her rule is tainted by corruption and excess. Her younger brother dies in mysterious circumstances; her older brother rebels against her and is murdered. Her favourite niece accuses the new ruler of plotting against her own kin. The matriarch is driven into exile, where she seethes and conspires, and finally returns, only to be assassinated.

Fatima, the 28-year-old inheritor of these chronicles of mayhem, is sitting in a London theatre cafe — a glossy, engaging presence with movie-star looks and a mind that wastes no time on sentiment. The Bhuttos have dominated Pakistan’s politics for decades and, even as a little girl, Fatima basked in the glow of specialness, doted on by her relatives and raised with an exalted sense of destiny. Today, though, far from home, she seems scared and lost — disillusioned with what her family has wrought and threatened in her home country for having breached the Bhuttos’ hallowed code of silence.

She describes the family as “a cult” and argues that its insatiable hunger for power has corroded its collective soul. “There’s this idea,” she says, “that if you are a Bhutto, the people owe you a blood debt and you are entitled not just to be in charge, but to have this kind of other-worldly standing, and the whole thing badly needs demystifying.”

Fatima’s sense that her privileged birthright might be something other than an advantage began when, aged 14 and cowering with her younger brother in an upstairs room of the family home in Karachi, she heard her father being mowed down in a hail of bullets. Only later, still raw with grief, did she come to the conclusion that her aunt, Benazir, had ordered his death. “My papa was a wonderful man,” she says. “When that happens to you, it changes everything.”

Mir Murtaza Bhutto, the charismatic, 42-year-old elder son of family patriarch Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, had recently returned to Pakistan after several years of self-imposed exile. He had voiced stinging criticisms of Benazir, then in her second term as prime minister, and the tensions between them were steadily worsening.

On September 20, 1996, an armed police unit arrived at Murtaza’s house, apparently with orders to arrest him on charges of subversion. Up in her room, Fatima heard the sirens, the car doors slamming, the shouting and, finally, a long burst of gunfire. “My little brother said, ‘Why are they letting off fireworks?’,” she recalls, “but I knew it was more than that.”

Related: Pakistan ‘failed to probe’ Bhutto death

The police would not let anyone leave the house. Desperate for information, Fatima telephoned Benazir’s private office. The teenager and her powerful aunt had always been close. “We were each other’s favourites,” she says. “When I was little, we used to laugh and eat disgustingly sticky sweets together. She was always kind to me.” Surely, Benazir would help.

Instead, the call was taken by Benazir’s husband, Asif Zardari — now the president of Pakistan — who informed Fatima that Benazir was unavailable. “But why?,” she persisted. “It’s her niece. I have to speak to her.”

“Oh, don’t you know?” replied Asif, coolly. “Your papa’s been shot.”

Fatima’s belief that Benazir was behind her father’s murder has only strengthened with the years and it lies at the core of her controversial new book, Songs Of Blood And Sword. To many people around the world, Benazir was an authentic heroine — a champion of democracy, free expression and women’s rights in a corner of the world heavily identified with bearded men waving Korans and setting fire to American flags.

“I completely understand why she was so admired,” says Fatima. “In Pakistan, too, when she became prime minister, it was as though she was carrying all our hopes and dreams, and there was this virtual adoration of her and a longing for her to do well. But the truth is that power changed Benazir and once she had it, she became a very different person.

Related: Benazir Bhutto’s daughter honours her with a rap

“The West didn’t notice the change so much. It carried on seeing a political pin-up. Here was a woman running an Islamic country, she was beautiful, she spoke very good English, she said all the right things and it all made her extremely acceptable.

“But what we saw in Pakistan was corruption, abuse of power and absolutely nothing being done to improve the country. And this woman, who was supposed to be a figurehead of women’s rights, who spoke out for full democracy, was one of just three world leaders to recognise the Taliban. So that was the Benazir we had to live with.”

However intoxicated Benazir had become with power, could she really have ordered the execution of her own brother? Fatima wishes she could believe otherwise, yet such horrors, she says, are the poisonous legacy of the Bhutto cult.

“It’s terribly painful for me to think of her this way,” says Fatima, who is coming to Australia in May for the Sydney Writers’ Festival. “I loved her when I was young. I wanted nothing more than to be around her and it was partly because she was an incredibly vulnerable woman who was extraordinarily brave, and even as a child, you felt that you wanted to protect her and that she needed you to be there.

“So I watched her change from someone who suffered into someone who caused suffering, from someone who knocked down walls into someone who built them and from someone who fought against oppression into someone who would tolerate absolutely no criticism, and that was the nature of the beast.”

In 1996, Benazir was driven from office and spent much of the next decade living abroad, mostly in London and Dubai, in a state of luxurious frustration. In 2007, aged 54, she returned to Pakistan, intent on regaining power. On the night of December 27, as she left an election rally in Rawalpindi attended by hundreds of thousands of supporters, a suicide attacker first opened fire on her, hitting her in the neck, then detonated a bomb. She was pronounced dead on arrival at hospital.

Fatima’s huge, chocolatey eyes moisten as she recalls her aunt’s all-too-foreseeable death. Although estranged, the two women were irrevocably bound together by the Bhutto bloodlines and a shared sense of fate. “I cried for the next five days,” writes Fatima in her book. “By the time I had drained myself of tears, I had cried for everyone.”

Whatever Benazir’s other failings, no one could accuse her of lacking courage. She had been repeatedly warned that Pakistan’s violent jihadis — adherents of a bleak mediaeval theology who despised her both as a woman and a politician — were out to kill her. She took no notice. “I am not afraid of dying,” she said shortly after arriving back in Pakistan. “When it comes, it comes. It doesn’t scare me. They can kill me, but they can’t kill democracy.”

Her death was one more milestone in the Bhuttos’ tragic history. Fatima’s grandfather, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, a former prime minister, was hanged by a military junta in 1979 and her uncle, Shahnawaz, was found dead, apparently poisoned, at his home on the French Riviera in 1985. “Benazir had a saying,” muses Fatima. ” ‘Kill a Bhutto, get a Bhutto’, and it is a kind of truth.”

Related: Benazir Bhutto’s teenage son tipped to take charge

Today, Fatima feels her own position threatened. Her book is a runaway best-seller, which has not only made her enemies, but also established her — unwillingly — in Pakistan as a symbol of opposition to the government. She worries for her safety, but says she’ll never leave the country. “I don’t intend to run for anything [politically],” she says. “I just don’t believe in birthright politics. How can you honestly argue for democracy when you are trading on your name?

“During the last election, I went out on the streets, trying to get women, particularly, to vote. And I met quite a lot of them who would say, ‘Well, we’re going to vote for Benazir’. And I would say, ‘But you can’t, she’s dead’, and they’d look a little hurt and say, ‘Well, we want to anyway’.

“That’s what the Bhuttos have created. People don’t vote for ideas. They vote for ghosts.”

Songs Of Blood And Sword by Fatima Bhutto, published by Jonathan Cape, $34.95. Fatima will be a guest of the 2011 Sydney Writers’ Festival, May 16-22. For details and bookings, visit swf.org.au.

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Princess Diana’s dress is still a standout

Getty

It has been 30 years since it was worn in front of the world, but Princess Diana’s wedding dress is still demanding attention.

While Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding dress was watched by billions around the world on TV last month, Princess Diana’s dress continues to be viewed by hundreds of thousands of people since her wedding day in 1981.

Even on April 29, as Diana’s son Prince William married Catherine, the exhibition showcasing Diana’s dress, complete with its 8m train, was a sell out in Kansas City in the US, the UK’s Daily Mail reported.

The dress is currently part of an exhibition celebrating Princess Diana in the US and has been viewed by more than 1 million people.

Art handlers Graeme Murton and Nick Grossmark are currently travelling with the “priceless” piece around the globe and know every inch of the ivory silk taffeta and lace gown.

“It is simply magnificent, and the most famous dress ever. At the wedding it was seen by almost a million people,” he said.

The exhibition, which showcases Princess Diana’s full wedding dress ensemble, is part of a 150-piece exhibition called Diana: A Celebration.

But the wedding dress is by far the most difficult piece to transport in the collection.

Graeme and Nick are the only two people allowed to touch the dress and do so wearing white gloves. Every time the dress is moved it is covered in acid-free tissue paper and cotton fabric before being transferred on to a rolling cart and stored in a £3000 ($4564) foam-lined box.

Princess Diana’s dress actually belongs to Prince William and Prince Harry and permanently lives at Diana’s family home, the Althorp Estate and is looked after by her brother Earl Spencer.

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Ita Buttrose talks to herself at 16

Ita Buttrose talks to herself at 16

Magazine queen Ita Buttrose writes a letter to her 16-year-old self and offers her a road map for life.

Dear Ita,

Well, look at you! Just 16 and already a cadet journalist! That’s one in the eye for all those doomsday merchants who kept telling you that journalism cadetships were never given to anyone under 17 and you were wasting your time trying to impress the boss with your enthusiasm.

Throughout your career, there always will be people prepared to tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t do something you’ve set your heart on. By all means listen to what they have to say, but if the drum you hear is beating loudly, follow it.

Related: Asher Keddie on Ita Buttrose

Trust your gut feelings and never lose your belief in yourself. Remember, no one else will ever dream your dreams or understand what drives you.

Your life will be full of detours, but it will never be boring. You will climb some awesome mountains. It won’t always be smooth sailing, though. Sometimes, projects and love won’t turn out the way you hope and, occasionally, you’ll find the going tough, but your inner strength and self-confidence will always get you through.

Remember, tough times don’t last, tough people do. Right now, you have no idea that it’s a man’s world, but when you decide to branch out of the women’s pages of Sydney’s Daily and Sunday Telegraphs, where you did your journalism training, some of your male colleagues will not welcome you.

Their hostility will come as a bit of a shock at first. Some men will resent your ability and even be jealous of it. That’s a sobering lesson to learn, but it is men’s insecurity, not yours, that’s the problem.

You’ll even be accused of “frightening” men. It’s hard to believe, isn’t it, but it seems some men are terrified by talented, intelligent women. What kind of mothers did they have, I wonder? Make sure you don’t raise your son to have that kind of blinkered attitude. I know you won’t!

Cherish your friendships. Loyal friends who you can trust are worth their weight in gold. Some friends you thought were close friends will let you down. It will hurt, but it’s not the end of the world. You will come to understand that duplicity is part of life’s rich tapestry.

Never carry a chip on your shoulder about some of the low blows you receive. People who do only become bitter and are distracted from pursuing their goals.

Never lose your curiosity, never lose your optimism and never lose your sense of humour. Laughter keeps us sane. Keep learning. Constantly challenge your brain.

Related: Paper Giants, the birth of Cleo

We’re only here once, so make the most of every moment and always live life to the fullest. Never have regrets. They’re a waste of time.

You can never turn back the clock or change any of the steps you have taken and everything you do and experience will shape you into the woman you will eventually become. I hope you’ll like her. I do.

Much love, Ita.

Read more of this story in the May issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: What would you say if you could give your 16-year-old self advice?

THE PERFECT GIFT! Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly for just $64.95 (that’s a 21% saving off the newsstand price) and go into the draw to WIN a trip of a lifetime to Italy, valued at over $25,000.

Video: Tracey Grimshaw interviews Ita Buttrose

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Reba Meagher quit politics for God

Reba Meagher quit politics for God

Many politicians argue that they have God on their side, but these days former NSW minister Reba Meagher actually does, writes Jordan Baker.

Politicians can struggle to reinvent themselves after a career in the public eye — their reputations have taken a battering and their main qualifications are arguing across a dispatch box and giving their opinion. Yet, every now and then, someone manages.

In pictures: Notorious Australians

Former NSW Health Minister Reba Meagher quit the scandal-plagued state Labor government in 2008. She has re-emerged as the chief executive of the Sisters of Charity Foundation, which invests in programs to help the needy.

“It’s a chance to make a contribution, but from a supportive environment rather than a combative one,” Reba, 43, tells The Weekly. “Being able to get amongst it without the vitriol of politics is refreshing.”

Instead of being surrounded by adversaries, she shares an office with Sisters Laureen, Chris and Enid, who exude altruism and serenity.

“There isn’t the same amount of swearing, put it that way,” Reba says.

Rather than fight for every reform and argue for every dollar, Reba has the sisters’ support in using the experience she gained in health and community services to identify and develop worthy projects.

“It’s not really the radical change in direction for me that it may appear,” she says. “Being a member of parliament is predominantly about community service. It’s about wanting to help people.

“That’s the motivating force for most of the people I know in politics and that’s fundamental to the foundation’s work as well.”

Related: Reba Meaghers quits NSW cabinet race

When she is not working with the Sisters of Charity, Reba is looking after her 16-month-old son, Louie, who brings a joy to her life she couldn’t imagine during her more than 20 years in politics.

“Now I have a great work-life balance,” she says. “I have the opportunity to make a contribution to the community and still savour all the joys of family life. I love waking up in the morning to the sound of my gorgeous little boy in the next room singing to himself.”

Read more of this story in the May issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Are you surprised by Reba Meagher’s transformation?

THE PERFECT GIFT! Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly for just $64.95 (that’s a 21% saving off the newsstand price) and go into the draw to WIN a trip of a lifetime to Italy, valued at over $25,000.

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Being blind didn’t stop us falling in love and starting a family

Being blind didn't stop us falling in love and starting a family

Nick and Heather Gleeson

Nick and Heather Gleeson have both been blind since childhood, but that has not stopped them striking out on their own, travelling the world and raising two children. Here, they share their remarkable story.

When I was seven, I was hit on the head by a door in the supermarket. It was a few days later that things became fuzzy.

I told my mother, “I can’t see you properly”, and she took me straight to the eye hospital. I looked through the window and the buildings got further and further away. Almost in desperation, I looked at my mother’s face and that’s the last thing I saw. Everything disappeared.

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I thought it was a normal thing to happen in families; my older brother had become blind two years earlier. He was running and collided with a student, which caused a retinal detachment — the same thing that happened to me.

The retina is like the mirror behind your eyes and when it lifts away, it can no longer reflect any images.

As a seven-year-old, you go with the moment. I got used to walking into things; you have to be rubberised. I went to a school for blind children and then to a regular high school, where I would be sent to the library when it was time for sport.

The kids would think I was so lucky, yet I used to love sport and wanted to do what they were doing, but couldn’t.

I went to Melbourne University and did a Bachelor of Arts. That was tough, too, as you’re changing rooms and classes all the time and there are different people in each lecture. Most people didn’t understand disability and were busy trying to cope with their own teenage or young adult lives. I was very socially isolated.

At parties, I realised my huge disadvantage. I was like any young guy — I wanted to meet women, but I couldn’t read body language. A lot of my friendships were formed on public transport; one of my best friends to this day is a woman I met on a tram.

One day, I was sitting on the sidelines at a goal ball game [a game for blind athletes] and got chatting to a girl named Heather. She was lively, she was good-looking and we just seemed to have chemistry. Things happened very quickly with us; it was not long until we were engaged.

Neither of us thought we’d marry someone who was blind, but the good thing is we both understand what’s involved. If a blind person marries someone who’s sighted, the general public thinks that person is their carer.

One of the great things about Heather is she’s never stopped me from doing the things I’ve loved in life, the adventures, like climbing to Everest Base Camp.

But when it came to having children, I was far more petrified than her. I was unsure whether we even should, but Heather never had doubts. She said we’d be fine and we were fine.

We just had sensible parental instinct and rules. You don’t have children in the kitchen. We closed doors to ensure we knew where they were. We used the playpen. We know people thought there would be accidents, but it worked out. There’s very little we haven’t been able to achieve by just doing it differently.

When our children were smaller, I remember feeling their faces when they were asleep and thinking, “How fantastic is this? How treasured are we to have these children of ours?” We’d ask people what they looked like, what colour eyes they have, what their skin looked like. We craved all that stuff.

Belinda was at pre-school when a child told her that her mother was blind. That night, we explained to Belinda that, yes, we were blind, “that’s why you put Daddy’s hand on the carport, that’s why you move us around things when we walk up the street”. She was doing it without even knowing.

Related: Blind boy can see ‘by talking like dolphin’

I think both our children probably grew up faster. Peter is such a boy and so rough and tough, yet would stop and tell Heather the colours of the flowers. He’d say, “Mummy, there’s a beautiful flower over here.” He knew Heather loved flowers.

I remember the first day I took Peter to play cricket. Peter went on the field for two hours and when he came back he said, “Dad, did you see the catch I took?” I said, “Pete, I did, you’re a champion.” I had to lie. I saw the president and said, “I really do need people to help me a bit, to explain what’s happening. I just need 10 minutes. It makes a big difference to me.”

Nick Gleeson is a community development officer with Vision Australia.

Read Heather’s part of this story in the May issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: What do you think the most challenging thing about losing your sight would be?

THE PERFECT GIFT! Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly for just $64.95 (that’s a 21% saving off the newsstand price) and go into the draw to WIN a trip of a lifetime to Italy, valued at over $25,000.

Video: Fred Hollows’ amazing legacy

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The business of finding love

The business of finding love

Australian matchmaker Trudie Gilbert

Thousands of Australian men and women are turning to professional matchmakers to find love. Jordan Baker talks to some of these real-life Cupids about the man-drought myth, why some dates don’t work and how they make love happen.

Playing Cupid is a tricky business, as Mary Mitchell can attest. A client sued the Irish matchmaker for “negligence, breach of duty and fraudulent misrepresentation” after she failed to find love, complaining one man was too shy, the second was too rude and a third too desperate — while a fourth attempted to kiss her in a public car park.

In pictures: The truth about online dating

The client lost after a judge found the men were “within her range of compatibility”, but that was enough to prompt Mary to quit matchmaking for the less thorny ground of speed-dating.

As Mary’s experience shows, those in the business of creating love carry a heavy responsibility. They are the custodians of our most private hopes, fears and confidences. They battle bad manners, halitosis and frumpy outfits. And, in perhaps their greatest challenge, they grapple with the increasingly lofty expectations of modern singles, who, they say, feel entitled to meet someone tall, dark, handsome and rich, even if they are short, pale, homely and poor.

Playing Cupid might be frustrating and rewarding, but all agree it is not to be taken lightly.

The art of matchmaking is as old as man’s inability to find a suitable mate. The popularity of online dating was predicted to spell its end, but in fact the opposite has happened. While dating websites have taken the stigma out of looking for love, they have also proved time-consuming, risky and unreliable. Those burned by the experience are turning to a more tailored service, in which they can trust their hearts to a matchmaker with a proven knack for these things.

“Matchmakers have a skill that sometimes you don’t have because you are too close,” says long-time matchmaker Michelle Lewis, who now runs J-Junction, a not-for-profit introduction agency for the Jewish community.

In Australia, there are more than 300 introduction agencies listed in the White Pages, matching everyone from Christians to seniors. Anyone can bring people together, but there’s a skill to doing it well.

“It’s just an instinct,” says Trudie Gilbert, who owns Elite Introductions. “You look at what they’re saying, what they’re not saying, their body language. We look at energy levels, hobbies — what drives them? For a lot of people, it’s growing and learning, they love challenges.”

There are agencies for every walk of life. Blonde, glamorous Tracey Langdon began her Gold Coast agency, The Millionaires Club, when she noticed how many of her wealthy friends were single. She only accepts people with a “net worth” of $5 million or more (although she is about to drop that to $1 million).

Her clients go on lavish dates. “We’ll fly girls up to Hamilton Island and go boating for the weekend,” she says. “The overall glamour of the company attracts them.”

Even for the super wealthy, finding love can be tough. “Millionaires get disappointed, like everyone else in life,” says Tracey, who has dated wealthy men herself. They face added dangers, whether it is being targeted for their money or judged because they earned their fortune in mining and don’t fit the stereotype of a martini-sipping mogul.

“Non-millionaires have an expectation of what a millionaire is like that is unrealistic,” she says. “They think they should all be sophisticated. Millionaires are normal, everyday guys — they’ve just got a lot of money.”

Trudie Gilbert’s Elite Introductions is slightly more inclusive — it accepts professionals or business owners. “[My clients are] very much at the top of their game,” says Trudie, who “just fell into” matchmaking. “They’re highly eligible and they have trouble meeting someone else who is also eligible.”

Sixty-three per cent of her members end up in a relationship, she says, and the vast majority go on second dates. She is responsible for eight weddings and a baby in the past six years.

Yet, she says, a matchmaker is only so powerful — they can lead a horse to water, or, in this case, to dinner, but they can’t make it drink.

“In a lot of ways, success is really due to the person,” she says. “My responsibility is to put people in front of them. They have to get into a relationship.”

Opinions differ about whether the supply of men, across age groups, is a problem. Trudie says the “man drought” is a myth and there are plenty of men for the women on her books. “I think it’s a conspiracy by men to make themselves feel like they are more of an exclusive product.”

Related: Gene helps explain happiness levels

The good news in all this is that there is an army of people ready, willing and committed to helping Australians of all ages, postcodes and bank balances diagnose their dating problems and find love.

There’s a matchmaker — and hopefully a match — for everyone. “I believe in the system,” says Michelle. “I believe that someone who is a matchmaker, who has the right attitude about what they’re doing, can make a huge difference.”

Read more of this story in the May issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Would you ever consider going to a professional matchmaker?

THE PERFECT GIFT! Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly for just $64.95 (that’s a 21% saving off the newsstand price) and go into the draw to WIN a trip of a lifetime to Italy, valued at over $25,000.

Video: Australia’s millionaire matchmaker

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The Biggest Loser’s Leigh and Lara call it quits

Leigh and Lara call it quits

They lost a total of almost 100kg on TV and their love was growing by the day… or so we all thought.

With a truly incredible transformation and their whole lives ahead of them, Leigh Westren and Lara Whalan were dubbed the “hot couple” on this year’s The Biggest Loser. Openly talking about their plans to marry, the pair won the hearts of viewers everywhere.

The happy couple were expected to make their engagement official in last week’s finale – Lara referred to Leigh’s parents as the “in-laws” throughout the series and confided in friends that she wanted to start a family with the man of her dreams – but the announcement never came. In a shocking twist, speculation is now rife that Lara, 25, called it quits on her relationship with Leigh, 23, within days of The Biggest Loser: Families finale.

What happened? She has told friends she believed Leigh may have “spent the night with another woman” since leaving the show, revelling in being “hot” for the first time in his life. Lara has also apparently kicked her DJ boyfriend out of the home they shared with her parents in the northern Sydney suburb of Turramurra.

When contacted by Woman’s Day, Leigh denied cheating or splitting with Lara, and maintains he hasn’t moved out of her house. But his mother, Sharlene Westren, confirmed the couple are now living separately. Leigh and Lara, who are believed to have sold their engagement story for a substantial fee, had previously spruiked their relationship on the back of The Biggest Loser.

“[Leigh] has to save for an engagement ring. We have to save for a wedding,” Lara recently told reporters. “If we get any help from the magazines, we will consider all offers.”

Lara is said to be devastated by the break-up but thought she had no option but to end their three-year romance.“Lara is absolutely heartbroken,” says a close friend. “All she has ever wanted is to marry Leigh and start a family and now she just doesn’t know what to do.”

Your say: Do you think The Biggest Loser promotes unhealthy weight loss?

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Nicole Kidman: I was such a dork!

Nicole Kidman: I was such a dork!

She’s super-stylish now but the actress felt anything but glamorous when she was young.

With her flowing flame locks and a statuesque physique perfect for showcasing the lastest designer fashions on the red carpet, Nicole Kidman has long been one of Hollywood’s leading style icons.

So it may come as quite a surprise to hear her confess that, as a shy and insecure teenager, she secretly hated being so tall and thin, with “weird” unmanageable hair.

At just 13 years of age, the Oscar-winning star was already a towering 178cm. “I hated it,” Nicole recalls. “It made me feel very self-conscious. I used to confide in my mum, Janelle, who was tall too. She used to tell me that men liked tall women.”

That was no consolation to the gawky schoolgirl and aspiring actress, who would moan to her mother, “I’m not interested in men – I’m interested in boys!” Nicole, 43, reveals to UK newspaper The Sun that her lack of self-esteem made her feel “a bit odd”.

It also meant her teen years were “fairly boring” and “damn clean” when it came to members of the opposite sex.

“I had no regular boyfriend and no serious relationship until much later,” she confesses. “They nicknamed me Storky because of my height. You know what boys can be like… revolting.”

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