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Adoption red tape nearly ruined our family

Adoption red tape nearly ruined our family

Darren and Jacqui Bate with their adopted daughter Irani.

Abandoned as a toddler on the streets of Calcutta, Irani’s future was bleak until an Australian couple decided to adopt her. Jordan Baker charts the bureaucratic nightmare that almost destroyed a little girl’s chance of a new life.

Irani Bate’s first years on earth will forever remain a mystery. No one knows anything of her parents, her siblings, or even the year of her birth.

The time Irani officially appeared was when the little girl, then aged around three, arrived at a halfway house in Calcutta on February 7, 2008, caked with dirt, wheezing from bronchitis and riddled with scabies.

“Her past could have been anything,” says Jacqui Bate, the woman who would later volunteer to be Irani’s mother. “Her parents could have died. All we know is that no one ever claimed her.”

Related: An international adoption success story

When Darren and Jacqui Bate, a childless couple from the Brisbane Valley, heard the story of the little orphan with the “sad, sad eyes”, they knew she was the child they wanted to adopt.

They felt they could give her the love and security she had never known, and had the support of family, friends and adoption agencies in Queensland and India.

The only hurdle was the Australian government’s inexplicable refusal to allow Irani into the country.

The Bates knew the process of adopting a child from overseas would be slow and frustrating, as it has been for so many Australian couples.

Yet they lived a new kind of nightmare — one caused by bureaucratic insistence that even though Australia accepts the poor, the sick and the elderly, it did not want this little girl.

At the best of times, overseas adoption is daunting. Welcoming a child from another country and culture, especially an older one, means taking on challenges and responsibilities beyond those of other parents.

Then there is the gruelling application process itself; after the introductory seminar, the couple must compile a dossier that describes their whole lives, detailing their most intimate thoughts and feelings — their religious beliefs, how they met, their employment histories and family relationships.

They are assessed in a series of interviews. Then the case worker’s report, coupled with bank statements, police checks and marriage certificates, plus signed statements from appointed guardians in the event of their death, are sent to one of eight approved agencies in India.

The Bates did all this and then they waited. And waited. And waited.

When they did not hear back, the case worker suggested they consider a “special needs” child, a category covering everyone from children with HIV to sibling groups.

Related: Unravelling the mystery of our daughter’s life

Given Darren’s experience as a teacher’s aide at a school for troubled children and his many colleagues willing to support them, the Bates felt best able to handle a child with emotional or behavioural needs.

Less than a month later, they were invited to read a file on a little girl. She was a pretty thing, with big, beguiling eyes, but her details were confusing.

There was nothing known of her life before she arrived at the orphanage three years ago. Orphanage workers didn’t even know how old she was and guessed between three and six.

The main concern for the Bates was an IQ test that put Irani’s score at a low 53. Yet when Darren consulted the child psychiatrists he worked with, they said the test was obsolete; it was designed for older people and was incapable of assessing a child like Irani. Moreover, traumatised children are often wrongly diagnosed as having lower intelligence.

Darren and Jacqui decided to proceed. With the support of Queensland and Indian authorities, they sent off their final application. The adoption was approved.

The Bates booked their flights to Calcutta for May 15 last year. At the end of April, the phone rang. While the adoption was approved, the Immigration Department had refused Irani an entry visa.

Related: What’s wrong with adoption in Australia?

Using the assessments of Irani when she had first arrived at the orphanage, the Medical Officer of the Commonwealth deemed she might one day struggle to hold a job, rely too heavily on community services, or perhaps need 24-hour care. She had the potential to cost taxpayers $1.2 million, he ruled.

The Bates were left in the painful situation of having the adoption legally recognised by India, but being unable to bring their daughter into the country.

Yet adoption workers quietly alerted the Bates to another option, a loophole just opened by the Indian High Court. India can now issue a so-called certificate certifying that the adoption is fully recognised under the Hague Convention, which confers on a child the same rights as a biological child, including citizenship of the parents’ country of birth.

The Bates applied for and received the certificate, the first non-Hindu Australian couple to do so. Australia is a Hague Convention signatory and therefore could not quibble. The Bates were able to apply for a visa without having to get clearance from the Commonwealth Medical Officer.

The Bates flew to India just before Christmas. Irani bonded with them almost immediately and photographs from their meeting show joy on all their faces. In January, they brought Irani home.

While they were away, the Migration Review Tribunal handed down its decision. It had found in favour of the Bates, saying specialists had found Irani to be intelligent, attentive and co-operative, and that there was “compelling evidence” that the little girl would not be a burden on Australian taxpayers.

Related: International adoption in Australia

This story has had a happy ending. Safe in the knowledge she is now welcome in Australia, Darren and Jacqui are embracing parenthood and Irani is settling into her new home.

“She’s definitely a bright girl,” says Darren. “She takes on new environments and challenges easily. She’s running through the paddocks with her gumboots and little denim shorts on. She’s a wonderful part of our life.”

For more information or to join the campaign to change adoption laws, visit National Adoption Awareness Week or email [[email protected]](/mailto:[email protected]).

Read more of this story in the October issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Do you think the government should make it easier for Australians to adopt children from overseas?

Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly for just $69.95 and receive a FREE The Christmas Collection Cookbook, valued at $49.95. That’s a 15% saving on the retail price.

Video: Deborra-Lee Furness’ adoption battle

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My mum’s an 83-year-old gym junkie

My mum's an 83-year-old gym junkie

Weights and treadmills won’t be every octogenarian’s cup of tea, but Liz Deegan’s 83-year-old mother has found a new lease of life working out at the gym.

It’s not often my mother surprises me. We talk most days and I like to think we’re pretty close. She knows what I’m doing, what I’m feeling, what I’m cooking and reading, and vice versa.

We share a mutual understanding of activities and attitudes — or so I thought.

Related: Body sculpt – The best workout for your body type

Who then was this woman on the other end of the phone several weeks ago who, in answer to an enquiry about her day pronounced, “I’ve joined the gym”.

The gym? What sort of gym? “How many sorts of gyms are there?” she replied. “A gym with weights and treadmills, of course.”

It took a few seconds to get my breath back. I appreciate this may not be so remarkable for many mothers, but mine is 83. It’s not exactly a common demographic for gym membership.

To be fair, she wasn’t a couch potato — there were weekly aquarobics sessions and regular walks — but a gym with steppers, cycles and circuit classes is in a totally different league.

“Have you actually been inside it, Mum?” I asked, hoping like hell she hadn’t been conned into a two-year contract by a 6pm call centre spruiker.

I should have given her more credit. Not only had she been inside, she’d done a trial class, met the instructor, made new friends, studied the timetable and committed herself to two sessions a week to begin with.

Sensibly though, she decided to only sign for three months, just to be sure she liked it. Oh, and she’d been to the local sports shop and bought her first pair of gym-suitable trainers. Seriously? Had we met?

A few weeks later and she was buying protein powder at the health food shop, rethinking her exercise wardrobe and discussing weight-lifting technique.

There’s even talk of going alone, not just doing the group classes. “I’m enjoying it, feeling quite good,” she tells me.

While I used to encourage Mum to do more, now it’s my exercise regimen under scrutiny and she’s the one gently urging me to get physical.

Related: Why you should do yoga

Oh, and lose weight. I certainly didn’t see this coming. You see, 15 months ago, she lost her eldest daughter to melanoma. We didn’t see that coming, either.

The trauma of that sudden, savage death and the ensuing grief exacted a heavy toll. The light went out in Mum’s eyes and I wondered if we’d ever see it shine again. It will never fully return — how could it? — but at least now there’s a flicker of her old spirit and determination.

I’m still surprised, but even more proud.

Read more of this story in the October issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Do you know anyone who has become a gym junkie later in life?

Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly for just $69.95 and receive a FREE The Christmas Collection Cookbook, valued at $49.95. That’s a 15% saving on the retail price.

Video: Gym junkie grandmothers

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Pinch the salt from your diet

Pinch the salt from your diet

Doctors say it could be as deadly as nicotine – but Australians are still overdosing on salt without even realising it.

Last night, A Current Affair revealed the alarming amount of salt in food items we eat every day.

Here are some tips for reducing the amount of salt you eat every day:

  • Read the labels when shopping. Look for lower sodium in cereals, crackers, pasta sauces, canned vegetables, or any foods with low-salt options.

  • Ask about salt added to food, especially at restaurants. Most restaurant chefs will omit salt when requested.

  • If you need to salt while cooking, add the salt at the end; you will find that you need to add much less.

  • Limit your intake of high-sodium foods like pickles, olives, cured meats, soy sauce and other condiments.

  • Keep the salt in your pantry instead of on your table where it is so easy and tempting to use.

  • Snack on fresh fruits rather than salted crackers or chips.

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Gok Wan: How to look good with any body shape

Gok Wan: How to look good with any body shape

Celebrity stylist Gok Wan

Feeling fat and frumpy? Celebrity stylist Gok Wan is here to help you banish those feelings forever with his top tips for looking fabulous no matter how old you are (or what those numbers on the scale say).

AWW: What are the three biggest fashion mistakes women make?

Gok: Not dressing for your body shape, not dressing for your body shape And not dressing for your body shape! It’s the biggest and most common mistake I see women make every day. Far too many gorgeous women hide their best asset and make themselves look larger!

AWW: Lots of women lose their body confidence as they get older or after having children — what can they wear to start feeling good about themselves again?

Gok: Here are Gok’s Golden Rules for those that need a confidence boost:

    1. Form an honest relationship with the mirror
    1. Buy yourself some good underwear
    1. Clear out all the rubbish from your wardrobe
    1. Learn what your body shape is.
    1. Go shopping and buy items that will show off your best bits

In pictures: Julianne, Demi and Moore actresses turned models

AWW: Do you have some fast tips to update your wardrobe without spending too much money?

Gok: Simple solution — accessorise! There are so many amazing accessories this season that can really lift your outfit taking your look from simple to sensational. Reinvent your wardrobe favourites with a bright scarf, statement neckpiece or clutch and when in doubt, you can never go wrong with a fabulous pair of killer heels!

AWW: How old is too old for short skirts and cleavage?

Gok: For me, age isn’t important: it’s all about accentuating your best assets, whether it’s womanly curves or killer pins. While I wouldn’t recommend a plunging neckline or mini-skirt for a more mature lady, it’s really about finding your comfort zone and working within that.

AWW: Support undergarments: figure-fixing miracle or uncomfortable myth?

Gok: A figure-fixing miracle! A great look always starts with great underwear. There are many great support garments on the market that there is no excuse to settle for uncomfortable underwear!

AWW: Lots of women have wardrobes bursting with clothes, but still don’t have anything to wear. What is your advice for editing down your closet and what should you restock it with?

Gok: First and foremost, if it hasn’t been worn in over 12 months it has to go. An overstuffed wardrobe of unworn items only creates clutter and prevents you from recognising your fabulous favourites. And if it doesn’t fit, get rid of it. There’s no use holding onto that ‘dream’ pair of pants if they’re ultimately not right for your body shape. Focus on items that fit well and flatter your figure.

AWW: What are your tips for dressing a fuller figure?

Gok: The common error that many fuller-figured women make is hiding what they’ve got! Understanding your body shape is key. Whether you’re a big-bottomed beauty, a round, luscious apple or a top heavy inverted triangle shape, the rules are the same: Draw attention away from the areas you want to hide by bringing the focus to your best bits. If you’re blessed with a great bust, then don’t be tempted to cover it up — go for wraparound dresses that show a little cleavage (but not too much) and invest in a good quality bra to keep your best assets firmly in place. If it’s a generous lower half that you’d like to play down, accentuate your waist and disguise a big bottom with a swirly full skirt. The curvy figure really is back with a vengeance so ladies, if you’ve got it flaunt it!

AWW: We’re coming into summer — what can more mature women wear to work to keep cool without flashing too much flesh?

Gok: We’re all in charge of our wardrobes, girls, not the other way around! It’s simply a matter of seeing what works best for you and what showcases your beautiful bod best. And, remember babes, natural fibres are your best friend! Cotton and linen breathe and feel gorgeous, so drape yourself in them. Find a maxi in a light, summer fabric and with a big and bold print or be daring in a flowing kaftan, just remember to cinch it in at the waist with a pretty belt.

Related: Why you’re never too old to flash some flesh

AWW: How can more mature ladies adapt the new season fashions without looking like mutton dressed as lamb?

Gok: The key is dressing for your shape regardless of the trend you want to adapt. And remember you don’t have to go top-to-toe in the latest trends to be considered fashionable.

Gok Wan is in Australia from today until October 16 on his second Westfield Style Tour, which will see him jetting around the country to advise women on this season’s hottest trends. For dates and times at your local centre, visit Westfield’s website.

Your say: Do you have any style questions? Post them below and we’ll do our best to answer them for you.

Video: Gok Wan launches new style-by-shape website

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Is reality TV making girls mean?

Is reality TV making girls mean?

Since the first series of Big Brother Australia aired in 2001, the nation has been in the grips of reality TV fever — but are the constant arguments and vicious gossip captured on today’s hit shows making our kids mean?

Parenting expert and psychotherapist Robi Ludwig is convinced the bad behaviour flaunted in popular programmes like Jersey Shore, The Real Housewives and The Only Way is Essex is negatively influencing teen audiences.

Related: Are cartoons ruining our kids?

While girls might not imitate the violent brawls seen on their favourite shows, Ludwig says they do mimic other behaviour because TV tells them that “nasty and mean” girls are the most popular.

“Relational aggression, which is very common amongst girls, is where there’s increased gossip and being nasty to one another,” Ludwig told the US Today show yesterday.

“The truth is, if kids are watching these kinds of interactions, the message is ‘You’re popular if you’re nasty and mean.’ Girls who identify with that will certainly make that a part of their mental script.”

Ludwig says it is up to parents to make sure their daughters don’t become mean girls. She recommends watching shows with children and pointing out the negative consequences of TV character’s gossiping and nastiness.

Related: Are we raising a generation of brats?

“If parents train their kids to think critically, that makes all the difference in the world,” Ludwig says.

“Train your child to say, ‘How do you think the victim feels in this situation?’ Then you’re really teaching empathy and you’re using what’s part of this media diet in an effective way.”

Your say: Do you think reality TV shows are making girls nastier?

Video: Has reality TV gone too far?

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Stunning celebrity summer hair

Summer is finally on the way, which means it’s time to update your ‘do!

Lucky for you, the Woman’s Day beauty team have selected their favourite celebrities who are showing off the hottest hairstyles this summer!

Flick through the pictures of the stars they have chosen for this season, then vote for you favourite style!

Best beach hair: Blake Lively.

Best bob cut: Jennifer Aniston

Best curls: Jessica Alba.

Best up-do: Olivia Wilde.

Best long hair: Kate Middleton

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How lack of sleep affects your health

insomnia

Too many Australians aren’t getting enough sleep and it’s costing us our health. Accredited nutritionist Caitlin Reid investigates the health consequences of not getting enough shut-eye.

In today’s fast-paced living, many of us forgo our beauty sleep for hours in front of the computer working or catching up with friends. We sleep less in a bid to get more done, but what we don’t realise is the negative effect this small sacrifice has on our health. Here are the top ways a lack of sleep can play havoc on our health.

1. It promotes weight gain

During sleep, our bodies secrete hormones that help to control appetite, energy metabolism and glucose processing. Sleep loss disrupts the balance of these and other hormones. For example, a lack of sleep increases the production of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as insulin secretion after a meal. Higher levels of insulin are associated with weight gain. Inadequate sleep is also associated with lower levels of hunger-suppressing hormone leptin, as well as higher levels of hunger-promoting ghrelin. As a result, we eat more the next day — as many as 1200 extra kilojoules. For better health, aim for eight hours sleep each night.

2. It increases the risk of developing diabetes

Less than five hours of sleep a night can double your risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Research has found that a lack of sleep reduces insulin sensitivity in the body, meaning more insulin is needed to store the same amount of glucose. One short-term sleep restriction study found that a group of healthy subjects who had their sleep cut back from eight to four hours per night processed glucose more slowly than they did when they were allowed to sleep 12 hours. In addition, researchers have correlated obstructive sleep apnoea — a disorder in which breathing difficulties during sleep lead to frequent arousals — with the development of impaired glucose control similar too that which occurs in people with type 2 diabetes.

3. It increases the risk of developing heart disease

A US study of more than 71,000 women found that having a less than five hours of sleep a night increases the risk of developing heart disease. Too little sleep put the body into an alert state, increasing the production of stress hormones and elevating blood pressure. High blood pressure is a major risk factor for heart disease.

4. It increases the risk of injury

A lack of sleep takes a toll on perception and judgement. It negatively impacts on mood, reduces our ability to focus and our ability to reason. People suffering from insomnia have an increased risk of accidents, as daytime sleepiness increases a worker’s risk of injury. According to the Institutes of Medicine, over one million injuries and between 50,000 and 100,000 deaths each year result from preventable medical errors and many of these may be the result of insufficient sleep. Research shows sleep-deprived people whose occupations involve driving have a higher risk of driving accidents. Thirty-seven per cent of these people nod off at least once on the job during their career. The importance of sleep for performance should not be underestimated.

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Advertising exploits women’s fear of infertility

Advertising exploits women's fear of infertility

The focus on fertility has created a worldwide panic — and that panic is being exploited by advertising companies, writes Jordan Baker.

This month, New York Magazine features a naked, wrinkled, 60-plus pregnant woman on its cover, asking: is she just too old for this?

The grey-haired woman stares at the camera, with an expression that dares the onlooker to be shocked.

It is confronting, but not nearly as confronting as it would have been a decade ago. Open any magazine these days and there’s likely to be a story about fertility, or lack thereof.

Related: Woman giving birth to be shown on TV

Single parents, IVF for the 50-plus, gay parents, ticking biological clocks, baby bonuses, sperm and egg donation, surrogacy, sex selection… the list goes on.

It wasn’t always thus. A browse of 1970s covers reveals the odd story about the pill or menopause, but otherwise no stories on fertility. It is the issue of our age, and a good thing, too.

Silence left women and men to suffer alone. Out in the open, they can express pain, find support and learn how technology can help.

Publicity leads to judgment of others’ choices, which is painful but seemingly inevitable.

For me, the problem is when the focus on fertility creates a panic – and when that panic is exploited.

An IVF clinic recently created an emotional television ad of a woman having a baby.

The clinic’s chief executive admitted the ad might offend some people, but said it was aimed at demystifying the issue of IVF by showing the end result. The offence bit she referred to was the messiness of birth.

To me, the offensive element was using footage of a tearful, emotional mother to pluck the heart strings of would-be clients in the hope it would tip them towards trying for a baby. ‘

I’m no advertising expert, but I’ve heard that the best ads exploit emotion. But not here, please. With fertility, emotions run deep enough.

A recent newspaper ad featured an illustration of a woman with the number 35 over her breasts and a clock across her womb, with the headline: Single and wanting a baby?

Yes, fertility does decline after 35, but I don’t know a woman who needs an advertisement to inform her of that. This advertisement was clumsily exploiting fear.

Good luck to any woman who tries for a baby. I wish her the best, but I don’t want her emotionally manipulated into such a big decision.

A single woman who saw the ad told me she burst into tears, despair prompted by the fear of childlessness. She is only 30.

I’ve known women to have children not so much out of want as out of fear for what might happen if they don’t.

What if mothers are right and children really are the best thing they’ll ever do? And how would they cope with the disgraceful insinuation that they somehow are lesser women for not having had children?

Then there is the complexities of the treatments offered. Three years ago, no clinic in Sydney would offer to freeze a woman’s eggs because the chances of a successful outcome were so slim.

Technology is improving slowly and the service is now available, albeit so unreliable that few IVF clinics advertise it (one that does encourages women to “override your biological clock”).

At least clinics here, unlike some in the US, don’t “guarantee” babies to women over 40.

Sperm donation, another ”solution” on offer, has its own issues. The first generation of children born to men who anonymously donated their sperm has grown up, and asks questions about the fathers that may never be answered.

NSW rules allowing donor children to know the identity of their sperm donor were changed only for babies born since last year and rules vary across states.

You can, of course, choose the option of unscreened sperm ordered over the internet, with all the hazards that go with that.

Related: Tips for solving your infertility problems

If it’s their considered choice, women should freeze their eggs or use donated sperm.

They shouldn’t shy away from IVF clinics on the assumption they’re unethical because, in Australia, most clinics are scrupulous about realistically informing women.

And we should write about these issues because we need educative, balanced reports on fertility and robust discussions about adoption and surrogacy.

My point is that we should make every effort to avoid creating panic, and that includes exploiting women’s hopes and fears through advertising. Fertility is fraught enough.

Jordan Baker is The Weekly’s News Editor. Click here to follow her on Twitter and here to follow The Weekly.

Your say: Do you think advertising exploits women’s fear of infertility?

Video: Fertility clinic ad show woman giving birth

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My dad was a sperm donor

My dad was a sperm donor

Sperm donation is often seen as a gift to thousands of infertile couples, who find joy and completion in a child that might not otherwise exist. But their children sometimes find that joy bound with longing, loss and lifelong confusion about their true identity.

Narelle Grech knows the details by heart: his code name is T5. He is brown-haired and brown-eyed with O-positive blood type.

He’s probably in his 50s and attended university. He stands about 173 centimetres. His surname starts with T and he is likely to be Maltese.

These scant points are Narelle’s only information about the man who is her biological father, a man who has occupied Narelle’s thoughts and deeds for much of the past 13 years since her parents revealed that she was conceived with sperm donated to a fertility clinic.

Related: Advertising exploits women’s fear of infertility

“When I was a teenager, I carried that information around with me on a scrap of paper, the way other kids carried a photograph of their dad,” she says. “It was my way of keeping a link to him because I had nothing else.”

Narelle remembers her parents sitting her and her older sister down at the family dining table one Sunday afternoon, her mother telling her that she was conceived with the help of another man’s sperm and how much they loved her.

At first, she laughed it off, thinking it was cool to be different. “But, later that night, I was washing my face in front of the bathroom mirror and I realised that everything I thought I knew about myself had vanished,” she says.

“The man I thought was my father wasn’t and half the family I thought was mine wasn’t related to me. I started crying uncontrollably. Almost from that moment, I wanted to find him. Not because I wanted another father, but because I wanted to discover who I really am.”

Narelle is one of the hidden generations of Australians given life by our ever-expanding technological and scientific expertise.

She was born in 1983, at a time when donor conception was still in its relative infancy and donors gave their sperm anonymously.

She is one of hundreds of people Australia-wide who are today searching for their biological antecedents, but may never find them.

At the heart of the dilemma is a delicate balancing act between the competing rights of offspring and their donors.

Offspring feel they have an emotional and medical right to know their biological history. Yet, while many donors are happy to be contacted, others gave their genetic material in a spirit of goodwill to childless families, in the belief that their identities would remain anonymous.

Rightly or wrongly, they fear a knock on the door might tear their families apart or lead to claims on their estates.

There is another even more pressing reason why Narelle needs to find her biological father.

In May, doctors diagnosed her with advanced bowel cancer, which doctors say may kill her within the next five years.

Her cancer, discovered after she suffered severe abdominal pain one morning, is the most aggressive kind and, though she is just 28, is already classified at stage four.

“The galling thing is that doctors suspect the cancer is genetically linked,” says Narelle. “My mother’s family has no history of cancer. The possibility is that I’ve inherited a genetic predisposition from my biological father.”

The diagnosis is a nightmare come true for Narelle. For more than a decade, she has sought, without success, the identity of the man who helped her parents conceive her.

Related: I had a baby at 50 – without IVF

While that has eluded her, she has discovered something else, something that now keeps her awake at night. She has, she says, eight half-siblings scattered around Victoria and possibly Australia, all created with her biological father’s sperm.

“I have eight brothers and sisters out there who I’ve never met, but who all share some of the same genetic building blocks as me and that terrifies me,” she says, curled up on a sofa in her suburban Melbourne home.

“Each one may be a genetic time bomb waiting to go off and it’s probable that they don’t know anything about it.”

An unfortunate combination of disparate, sometimes contradictory laws across state boundaries, poor record-keeping and bureaucratic inertia means that Narelle and others like her may never find the answers they are seeking so desperately.

Read more of this story in the October issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Do you know anyone affected by this issue? Was anonymous sperm donation right or wrong?

Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly for just $69.95 and receive a FREE The Christmas Collection Cookbook, valued at $49.95. That’s a 15% saving on the retail price.

Video: Mission to find biological father

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Why we crave the simple life

Why we crave the simple life

In this post-GFC world, the art of frugal living is making a comeback. Ingrid Pyne meets a remarkable woman who has transformed her life and proved that Grandma was right.

Rhonda Hetzel is far too down-to-earth to call it an epiphany as such, but in 2003, she came to a life-changing realisation. Her high-paying job, expensive lifestyle, maxed-out credit cards and retail therapy — none of it was making her happy.

So the 63-year-old made a snap decision to give up work and research how she could live a simpler, more frugal life on her savings and her husband’s pension.

Related: The secret to growing perfect lemons

“That led me to an understanding that you could do a lot of the things yourself that you used to pay for,” she says.

On their half-hectare block in the Sunshine Coast hinterland, Rhonda and her 71-year-old husband, Hanno, now rear their own chickens, grow their own vegetables, bake their own bread, bottle their own jam, preserve their own fruit, brew their own cleaning products and make their own soap.

Saving money has become a full-time occupation. “Some of our friends think I am a bit of a nutcase,” admits Rhonda.

Yet nuts she is not. Her weekly grocery bill has been slashed from about $300 to $70. Rather than buy a coffee when she is out and about, she takes a thermos flask. The same goes for water.

“We buy all this convenience,” Rhonda tells The Weekly. “We pay someone to fill up our water bottle for us or to make a sandwich for us. These aren’t things that take a lot of effort. It’s throwing money away. You can use that money to get something that’s really going to make you happy.”

For Rhonda, that something turned out to be the sense of self-sufficiency and enrichment her new lifestyle has afforded her.

“When I started doing this, I felt incredibly happy and empowered,” she says. “I felt as if I had come home for the first time in years.”

Wind back almost six decades to when little Rhonda Hetzel was growing up in the then working-class suburb of Strathfield, in Sydney’s inner-west, looking on as her mother stretched her father’s meagre pay cheque to the limit.

“She could make half a pound of mince meat last for three meals,” recalls Rhonda, admiringly.

It was the 1950s, a time when nobody had flash cars, TVs or even telephones at home. “Mum would save buttons and she recycled clothes among us girls,” Rhonda says. “We didn’t have any money, but we didn’t feel poor because everyone in our neighbourhood was like us.”

Yet those life skills — like hula hoops and vinyl records — fell out of fashion in the 1980s and 1990s. Women began to boast that they could not sew on a button or boil an egg. A generation of Yuppies was told that greed was good and were urged to spend, spend, spend.

Rhonda admits she got swept up in the trend, slaving away as a technical writer for mining companies, only to buy stuff she did not need. “I used to go to the shops as a recreation. It was all pretty pointless,” she says now.

Related: Rhonda’s Down to Earth blog

In her quest for more meaning, Rhonda realised she wanted an antidote to the rampant consumerism of the late 20th century. A journalist by training, she began to blog about her efforts to downgrade her lifestyle.

At last count, her Down To Earth blog had 3662 followers and 4 million visitors. Next March, Penguin will release Rhonda’s book, also called Down To Earth.

“[My followers] range from people in their early 20s right up to those in their 80s,” says Rhonda. “I am surprised at the number of young people who come in and say, ‘You are like a grandma to me. My mum never taught me these things and I only vaguely remember my grandma doing them. I want to learn’.”

Read more of this story in the October issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Do you see the appeal of a more simple, back-to-basics life?

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Video: Grow your own strawberries

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