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September 11, 2011

True Confessions Agony Aunt: Does my husband just want me back for money?

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Image: Thinkstock, posed by models

I have been with the same man for thirty-one years and married to him for ten years. We have two grown-up children together and three grandchildren.

In our years together he has had two affairs that I know of and at these times I left but went back for the family. This was earlier on in our relationship so for the later years I thought everything was okay.

We have our own business which our son and son-in-law also work in. As my husband is 60-years-old and I am 53 I thought we could start winding-down on the work-front and spend more quality time together as over the years we were too busy building up the business to make much time for each other.

We only ever had a couple of holidays together which I put down to him being a workaholic but I am now starting to believe he just didn’t want to spend time with me. Our sex life has also suffered, I tried to talk to him to explain that I need him to spend more time with me socially but nothing changed, so in December 2010 I left and moved to Perth hoping he would try and get me back.

I have now been here for six months and I have a job and keep myself busy but he has made no effort to try and get me to go home which hurts a lot. Recently I approached him about paying me out of the business as I need to make a new start, and low and behold now he says he wants to talk.

Even though I still love him I don’t want him to have me back just because he doesn’t want to pay me anything if we divorce and I don’t want things to just go back to the way they were if I do give him another chance. What do you think I should do?

You have nothing to lose by being brutally honest and asking why he wasn’t willing to discuss you coming back until you mentioned the business. Maybe that’s what made him realise that you were serious about separating but you’ll have no idea of that until you talk properly.

You will have to be prepared to face the possibility that you care for him much more than he cares for you, although it could just be that he is unable to open-up about his feelings and therefore couldn’t express what he was going through.

Did you know for sure that he had those two affairs or did you just suspect it? And each time you went back, was that without him explaining or asking you to return? Perhaps a pattern was established then when he started to believe that if you were unhappy you would leave but would then return when you had worked your anger out of your system.

He might have expected you’d do the same this time. On the other hand six months is a long time for no communication or discussion so perhaps it is the thought of losing out financially which has spurred him on to ask you to stay.

Whichever it is you won’t begin to get some idea of your future until you have a very full and frank talk and if you can do it without anger so much the better.

You also need to talk about the past to see if you do have a future – and you need to make sure he gives you the reasons he didn’t ask you to come back until now.

You must also make it clear what you want if the marriage is to continue and don’t just give vague answers such as socialising more together – be specific and ask if he is prepared to do what you want. In return you need to know what he wants from you and remember that no matter what you both agree on you can always put a time limit on coming back and things changing.

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September 9, 2011

Kate Middleton is not pregnant

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Left: Prince William and Kate Middleton in Birmingham last month. Right: Star magazine's cover

The rumour mill went into overdrive yesterday when a gossip magazine claimed Prince William and Kate Middleton were expecting twins.

While the world marvelled over where the super-slim Duchess of Cambridge was hiding two 12-week-old babies, and we dreamed up designs for a royal pregnancy commemorative edition, royal representatives were drafting a press statement to rain of everyone’s parade.

“Suffice to say that were it true, it would be us that announces it, not a gossip magazine,” a palace spokesperson said.

In pictures: Brotherly love – Prince William and Harry

UK gossip magazine Star claimed to have “official” confirmation that Kate was not only pregnant, but expecting twins — a boy and a girl.

The publication said William was thrilled Kate was pregnant because of the “enormous pressure” the couple have been under to produce an heir.

“William almost collapsed with joy — and relief — when Kate called to tell him she was pregnant,” a source told the magazine.

William and Kate, both 29, got married in April and have said they want to enjoy time together as a couple before starting a family.

In pictures: Love is in the heir for William and Kate

“I think we’ll take it one step at a time,” William said when he announced his engagement to Kate last November.

“We’ll sort of get over the marriage thing first, then look at the kids. But obviously, we want a family.”

Your say: Do you think the media should stop pressuring Kate and William to have a baby?

Video: Kate Middleton pregnancy rumours

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King Charles to continue cancer treatment in 2025

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Kate and the King have been having secret meetings.

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September 9, 2011

Top tips to beat the blues

Banish stress, beat the blues and re-energise with these mood-boosting techniques.

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Thinkstock

Banish stress, beat the blues and re-energise with these mood-boosting techniques.

Think like an astronaut

Along with elite athletes, policemen and airline pilots, astronauts are taught autogenic training as part of their space-training programs.

Developed by a German doctor, Johannes Schultz, in the 1920s, this technique has been scientifically proven to relieve tension, lessen anxiety, lower blood pressure and cholesterol, and even improve communication, decision-making, business and sporting skills.

Autogenic training teaches you to focus your attention inwards through mental exercises that are designed to switch off the body’s “fight or flight” stress mechanism and let you deal with traumas and challenges calmly.

Typically, people report feeling that they are in control of their lives, rather than feeling that life is controlling them. Find a qualified teacher at www.autogenics.com.au.

Float away

Lying in darkness and silence in very salty water is one of the best ways to beat stress. Flotation therapy was developed in the 1950s by a neurophysiologist, Dr John Lilly. He was intrigued by what happened to the brain and body when external stimuli were removed, and experimented with the soundproof chambers used to train navy divers.

He found that floating caused blood pressure and heart rate to fall and stimulated the body to produce endorphins, natural painkillers. Flotation has been used in the treatment of psychological disorders, including addiction and phobias.

Artists and musicians have claimed it leads to increased creativity and problem-solving ability. Type “float tank” into an internet search engine to find a centre near you.

Try brain yoga

Mindfulness is the brainchild of Jon Kabat-Zinn, a scientist and stress reduction expert. He felt sure that the answer to many chronic physical conditions lay in teaching his patients how to activate their inner healing ability.

Drawing on Buddhist and yogic practices, he developed this form of meditation, which, at its most basic level, teaches you how to stop and become aware of the moment, and to practise being kind to yourself.

It sounds simple, but it’s not always easy — and it’s extraordinarily effective, helping to provide you with greater certainty, self-confidence, and self-acceptance.

It’s incredible how much stress we create for ourselves by disliking, blaming and criticising ourselves. Find a class at www.mindfulnesscentre.com.

Pick a flower

Rescue remedy, a mixture of Bach flower essences, is a wonderful stress fix. If you feel tense or panicked, place a few drops under the tongue, or add it to a glass of water and sip regularly.

Other Bach flower remedies for stress include Aspen (for fear and anxiety), hornbeam (for fatigue), white chestnut (for “monkey mind”, where your thoughts are constantly swirling in your head), vervain (for people who push themselves too much) and pine (for feelings of guilt and inadequacy).

Shake things up

When you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, take time out and hide somewhere private, like your bedroom or a bathroom at work. Now, “shake” the tension out of your body — loosely shake every limb, every bit of your body, and feel it wobble.

Visualise the bad feelings being tumbled out of you, onto the floor. If you feel like you could scream, go ahead and do so. One of the greatest releases is car screaming — roll up the windows and let it all out. Or, bury your face in a pillow and howl. Kicking a cardboard box around the room until it is in shreds is also excellent.

Your say: How do you de-stress?

Video: Stress relief through meditation

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Home Page 4961

September 9, 2011

Top tips to beat the blues

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Thinkstock

Banish stress, beat the blues and re-energise with these mood-boosting techniques.

Think like an astronaut

Along with elite athletes, policemen and airline pilots, astronauts are taught autogenic training as part of their space-training programs.

Typically, people report feeling that they are in control of their lives, rather than feeling that life is controlling them. Find a qualified teacher at www.autogenics.com.au.

Float away

Artists and musicians have claimed it leads to increased creativity and problem-solving ability. Type “float tank” into an internet search engine to find a centre near you.

Try brain yoga

It sounds simple, but it’s not always easy — and it’s extraordinarily effective, helping to provide you with greater certainty, self-confidence, and self-acceptance.

It’s incredible how much stress we create for ourselves by disliking, blaming and criticising ourselves. Find a class at www.mindfulnesscentre.com.

Pick a flower

Rescue remedy, a mixture of Bach flower essences, is a wonderful stress fix. If you feel tense or panicked, place a few drops under the tongue, or add it to a glass of water and sip regularly.

Shake things up

Your say: How do you de-stress?

Video: Stress relief through meditation

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Home Page 4961

September 8, 2011

Spoof entry may take out plus sized model comp

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US clothing line American Apparel’s search for a plus-size model competition did not impress Nancy Upton, but it now looks like she could take out the title.

The clothing label launched a “next big thing” competition to celebrate its XL range and set out to find a US size 12-14 model encouraging women to present photos of their bodies for a public vote.

The company’s website had the following call out: “We’re looking for fresh faces (and curvaceous bods) to fill these babies out. If you think you’ve got what it takes to be the next XLent model, send us photos of you and your junk to back it up.”

Nancy Upton, a size 12 woman from the Dallas, was insulted by the competition and entered satirical photos of herself gorging on or surrounded by stereotypically high-calorie foods.

But here is the twist, her spoof entry has been so successful that she may even win the poll.

“My name is Nancy Upton. I’m a size 12 and wanted to show American Apparel my fresh face (and full figure),” she wrote on her Tumblr site.

While her contest entry at americanapparel.com simply says: “I just can’t stop eating.”

Ms Upton’s pictures show herself in a series of suggestive poses including posing in a bath full of ranch dressing and lying naked, prostate on a bed of lettuce and with an apple in her mouth, mimicking a hog roast, in another.

She also took to her blog to express her opinion of the competition.

“I don’t believe that beauty should be qualified as BECAUSE of someone’s size or IN SPITE of someone’s size. Beauty is beauty, it’s fluid, it’s objective and it doesn’t need to be justified to or by anyone,” she wrote.

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September 8, 2011

Why margarine is a must

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You may be surprised to learn that butter is the bad boy lurking in your fridge!

Luckily, making the switch from butter to margarine is an easy and effective change to reduce the unhealthy saturated fat in your family’s diet.

Did you know that butter contains around 50% saturated fat?! That’s not good news for your family’s health. Your children are currently consuming twice the recommended maximum levels of saturated fat.*

Most of us use some sort of spread everyday – on toast, our sandwiches, and in cooking. If you use butter in this way, you are adding a lot of saturated fat to your diet.

Luckily, swapping to margarine on your toast and sandwiches could remove a whopping 3 kilos of this bad fat from your diet in one year!

In Australia, margarine contains a maximum of 20% saturated fat making it a much healthier choice. Plus, Australian margarine spreads now have among the lowest levels of unhealthy trans fats in the world. In fact to earn the Heart Foundation Tick margarines must contain no more than 1% trans fats as part of their total fat content compared to butter’s 3-4%. Make sure you look out for Tick approved spreads at the supermarket!

A great benefit of canola-based margarines is that they contain good fats too – healthy essential fatty acids such as ‘ALA’ and omega 6. We need this to look after our hearts, blood, joints and immune systems. ALA is only found in food sources such as canola, linseed, walnut and soybean.

If your family loves the taste of butter, switch gradually. Start where you won’t notice the change so much by using margarine in baking and cooking. Most margarine spreads (except the ultra light varieties) replace butter very well in many recipes with minimum difference in taste or texture. Once you’re used margarine in your baking, gradually swop to spreading marg on your toast and sandwiches.

According to the Australian National Children’s Nutrition and Physical Activity Survey 2007.

Together we can change the shape of Australia.

Related video: Which margarine is best?

Nutritionists give their opinion on the spreads promising longevity, lower cholesterol and better health.

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September 8, 2011

Dial-a-divorce: New sites let you pay a stranger to dump your partner

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As Neil Sedaka sang, breaking up is hard to do — but not if you live in China. For a mere $30, Chinese lotharios can now hire a complete stranger to dump their partners for them.

The past few months have seen a boom in ‘break-up proxy’ websites that help timid customers end their romances with minimal hassle and confrontation.

The most basic packages buy one break-up, either over the phone, on email or via social messaging services.

If that sounds a little cold, there’s always the platinum package, which includes the services of a ‘break-up agent’ who will end the relationship in person, even giving small gifts to the jilted lover to ease their pain and humiliation.

The sites also cater to romantic wrongdoers, who are desperate to win their lovers back. For a small fee, misbehaving spouses can hire professional grovelers, who will deliver the perfect apology to their unimpressed other halves.

The increase in the number of these sites coincides with the rising divorce rate in China as couples struggle to make ends meet in difficult economic conditions.

Your say: What is your worst break-up story? Contact us at [email protected]

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September 8, 2011

Ditching the diet for good: Part one

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A lifetime of dieting has made Kelly Baker miserable, exhausted and, ultimately, heavier. In this blog she documents her mission to give up yo-yo dieting and slim down for good.

I clearly remember going on my first diet when I was perhaps 12 or 13 years old. I weighed 62kgs and at 177cms I would have been as thin as thin can be.

I didn’t think I needed to lose weight. Nobody thought I needed to lose weight! But I did think I should be on a diet because I was convinced that’s what girls (and women) did.

I may have picked up this idea from my mother. She certainly never made any reference to my body and if I spoke disparagingly about my physique in any way she was the first to gently correct me.

But she was a dieter herself and while she would never have outwardly encouraged me to join her, sub-consciously I felt restricting what I ate would please her. And you know what, it did.

I’m certain it wasn’t intentional, but it seemed that the less I ate, the more I was approved of.

Perhaps my mother admired my tenacity. Possibly it made her feel less alone in her own body obsession. Maybe she just wanted a buddy to diet with? I don’t know. But going on that first diet was a mistake and a costly one at that.

That diet was the official start of a wholly unhealthy obsession that slowly but surely taught me to loathe every inch of myself.

You see, once I began to restrict my food intake I swiftly forgot the fact that my long legs were strong and allowed me to run for kilometre after kilometre without tiring and fixated instead on the fact they weren’t model skinny.

I ignored my broad, shapely shoulders and my taut, flat belly and instead focused on my small bust size.

In short, I yearned to have a different body entirely and on a daily basis I told myself I could get that body if I dieted hard enough.

Of course, anyone who has dieted will know that quite simply isn’t true and never will be. Yes, you can lose weight (generally temporarily — more on that later) but the body you were born with is the one that will see you through life and no amount of starvation will change your basic shape.

What it will do is sap your strength and energy. It may also screw with your metabolism. Worse — it will hurt your heart and make you miserable.

It may even leave you lonely and cut off from life and all its beauty. Most importantly — it will cause you to gain weight.

That’s right. Dieting will cause you to gain weight. And that’s official. In recent years reams of research has shown that the more we restrict ourselves, the more desperate we become.

Accordingly, we begin to think about food 24/7 — which eventually causes us to eat! And eat… and eat.

I am a living example of this. More than 20 years have passed since I went on that first diet and while I’m still 177cms I can assure you I am no longer 62kgs. If only.

No, today, I weigh considerably more. I know this because I weighed myself yesterday for the first time in many months.

The number on the scale made me want to cry. And it made me want to go on a diet. But this time I am going to do things differently.

It scares the living daylights out of me but instead of embarking on a diet I am going to do the exact opposite.

I am going to attempt to eat naturally and who knows maybe I’ll lose a kilo or two along the way. Maybe I won’t, but what I will do is put the diet demon to rest once and for all.

One last thing… I’m going to need your help. So, I promise to write honestly and hold nothing back, if you promise to drop me a line from time to time.

Let me know how you’re going with your diet and weight loss dilemmas too. Maybe together we can kick this thing once and for all.

Vital Stats:

Kelly Baker

Age: 40

Height: 177cm

Weight: 71.5 kg

Challenge Of The Week: Stay off the scales, eat three meals and one snack and say no to sugar. (Yikes — even writing this makes me woozy with anxiety. I’ll let you know I go.)

Kelly Baker is The Weekly’s Health and Beauty Director. Click here to follow her on Twitter and here to follow The Weekly.

Your say: Do you have any commiserations or words of encouragement for Kelly?

Video: Weight loss problems

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September 7, 2011

Man breaks into Celine Dion’s home to take a bath

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Singer Celine Dion was presented with an awkward situation when she learned a man had broken into her home, raided her fridge and run a “nice warmish bath”, according to police.

A 36-year-old man was arrested after allegedly breaking into the singer’s luxury Montreal home, located in the suburb of Laval, which police were alerted to after the home’s alarm system was activated.

Laval police spokesman Franco Di Genova said the suspect was getting ready to take a bath when police arrived with a canine unit.

“He opened the water faucets, was pouring a nice warmish bath (and) he even managed to eat some pastry that was in the fridge,” he said.

Dion, her three children and husband Rene Angélil were not at the home at the time of the break-in.

Di Genova said police, who searched the house, started from the basement and worked their way up to the main floor where the man was discovered.

“The suspect was coming down the big staircase and was asking: ‘Hey, guys what are you doing here?'” Di Genova said.

“So the officers replied: ‘What are you doing here?’ and they proceeded to put him under arrest.”

The man allegedly jumped a fence to get on the property gained entry to the house after he found a garage door opener in an unlocked vehicle to gain access.

This isn’t the first time Dion’s luxury residence has been broken into. Di Genova said another incident took place in 2009 when a man jumped the fence, but was stopped by the security firm patrolling the property before he could enter the home.

Dion and Angélil also own an elaborate estate in Jupiter Island, Florida and a four-bedroom house in Las Vegas where the singer has a concert deal running until March 2014 at Caesars Palace.

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September 7, 2011

US boy drinks coffee to stop ADHD

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US mum Christie Haskell has treated her son’s hyper activity with a controversial treatment — two cups of coffee a day.

Although her son Rowan has not been officially diagnosed with ADHD, Christie says she wants to steer clear of prescription medication treatment like Ritalin.

So, she went online to look for an alternative and came up with coffee.

She says it helps him to concentrate and focus, while Rowan says “it calms him down”.

Doctors, on the other hand, say it may be doing more harm than good.

Find out more about Christie’s story and why doctors are against the treatment in the video player above.

Your say: What do you think about this mum’s controversial treatment? Would you try it?

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