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Colin Firth: The reluctant heartthrob

Colin Firth: The reluctant heartthrob

Millions of women swooned when he played Mr Darcy, but Colin Firth is uncomfortable with the sex symbol tag. He would rather be known as a clown, a dad and a henpecked husband, he tells Susan Chenery.

Well, he still seems like the same old reliable Colin. Looking good, always affable. Still not taking himself too seriously, even though in the year since we last met, he has won an Oscar.

“It doesn’t calm me down, nothing like that calms you down,” he says. “I think you move on from good fortune in exactly the same way you move on from a crisis. It is a similar process of recovery. You have to recover from cataclysmic good fortune. You have to renew your risks, I think.” He pauses. “But I don’t want anyone to take it away.”

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A clever, witty man, Colin is the first to see “the absurdity and shallowness” in being an actor.

Besides, “if you have friends and family like I have who keep you on the ground, probably a bit more than I would like to be kept there actually, there is no chance of me getting above myself with the people I know. I’ve tried, believe me.

“Meet my wife [Livia]. You’d understand it if I’m humble. There is no way to get too far above myself with her around.”

He makes it look so easy, as if he is barely making an effort. I have been interviewing Colin Firth regularly since he appeared in Bridget Jones’s Diary in 2001 and he has hardly changed at all.

In spite of the fact that his career has been on a steep upward trajectory in recent years, he still seems to regard it all as a bit silly and frivolous.

“I think actors are essentially juvenile,” he told me in 2003. “There is a retarding element to the job and I also think that it is very difficult to do brilliantly unless your ego is somewhat fractured. I think you have to be a little unstable, probably.

“There’s got to be some screws loose somewhere. I am never quite sure whether I am driven by an infantile tendency to get attention and perform, or something which is quixotic and has a sense of being on a noble mission.”

Nevertheless, in Venice in September, he was still “a little bit dazed” by the Oscar business. “You dream of connecting with people,” he said in an interview with British TV host Piers Morgan.

“Life for an actor is full of unexpected twists and turns, which can lead nowhere. I felt we were doing something that was so personal [The King’s Speech, for which Colin won the Oscar] that this was one occasion where I did have high hopes, but I don’t think I anticipated the breadth of it.”

Colin is in Venice to promote Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, based on the John Le Carreacute; novel about grey men in the grey world of espionage.

Asked what actors and spies have in common, he says, “They are both duplicitous and lonely, dysfunctional people. We have to examine the motives of others and try to inhabit them and see the world from their point of view, which is not naturally yours.

“Whether most actors would stay cool looking down the barrel of a gun in a hostile environment, I don’t know. Learning other languages fluently and keeping a cool head is not most actors I know.”

As an actor who is a staple in commercially intended British films, he has specialised in repressed Englishmen. Yet, in person, his default persona, after the costume and make-up have been removed, is one of humour.

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“I learned early on that having a sense of humour is salvation, having a sense of one’s own ridiculousness can keep you sane. The silly side of me is pretty dominant,” he told me once.

Read more of this story in the December issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Why do you think Colin Firth is sexy?

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Video: Firth the Forgetful

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Keira Knightley: Self-confidence is my biggest problem

Keira Knightley: Self-confidence is my biggest problem

Keira Knightley asked for an agent when she was three, starred in a Hollywood blockbuster at 17 and earned an Oscar nomination at 20. Yet, as tells Susan Chenery, self-confidence is a “big problem” for her.

In this gilded room, with its Gothic arches, painted ceiling, wood panelling and balustraded balconies, there would once have been ladies in tall wigs, tiny corseted waists and brocaded gowns.

It is the type of room a Keira Knightley character might inhabit, in one of her many costume dramas. As Elizabeth Bennet, perhaps.

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After all, in Pride and Prejudice, she managed to nab Mr Darcy and the magnificent Pemberley. As Georgiana, the Duchess of Devonshire in The Duchess, she lived in the 297-room palace, Chatsworth House.

Yet, today, she is just here as herself. Neat, compact, composed. The salonin which we meet was once one of the great palazzos of Venice, but is now in a rather more prosaic incarnation as the kind of ornate hotel that only the Keira Knightleys of this world get to stay in.

Meeting Keira reveals, yet again, how the big screen magnifies and enhances. As an actress in character, she would fill this room with her own entitlement. In person, she seems far too small for such an extravagant setting.

She is perfectly polite, crisp, straightforward, absolutely professional, personable and surprisingly honest.

It is somewhat startling to discover she is still only 26. She seems to have been writ large on the screen for such a long time.

For Keira, it has been an accelerated journey, which has at times left her feeling overwhelmed and struggling to keep up with the speed of her own ascendancy.

She was only 17 when she became world famous as Elizabeth Swann in the blockbuster franchise Pirates Of The Caribbean.

“I finished the last one when I was 21 and I thought that is quite a large chunk of time for one character. You know, it was wonderful, but at the end of the second film I said, ‘That is it for me’. For me, acting is about changing.”

It looked quite exhausting actually, all that romping around and swashbuckling. “Well, it is an action film, so there was a lot of training. I normally do all of my fight scenes myself if I am doing an action film, so it was a physical challenge.”

Keira famously asked for an agent when she was three years old. Her father, Will Knightley, is an actor and her mother, Sharman Macdonald, is an actress who later wrote screenplays, including The Edge Of Love about poet Dylan Thomas, in which her daughter starred in 2008.

By 20, she had received an Academy Award nomination for Pride and Prejudice — and a lot of unwelcome attention that she just wasn’t ready for.

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Being nominated for an Oscar “didn’t make me feel validated at all,” she told an interviewer in Venice. “It never quite seemed real.”

Today, she says, “It never made me feel like I had finally arrived. I didn’t think I deserved it. I still feel I have got a lot to prove, I probably always will.

“And I always believe the negative stuff and never the positive stuff. If there is a bad review, I will find it no matter where I am. Lack of confidence has always been a big problem.”

Read more of this story in the December issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Do you think celebrities have the same right to privacy as the rest of us?

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Rachel Griffiths: We’re moving back to Oz!

Rachel Griffiths: We're moving back to Australia

Her son Banjo misses the beach and catching leatherjackets. So Rachel Griffiths’ plan is to pack up, leave Broadway behind and make a new life in Australia. Sharon Krum meets the superstar mum.

When Rachel Griffiths started her acting career in the Victorian community theatre group Woolly Jumpers, she could only dream of her Broadway debut.

Now, she’s adding that achievement to an impressive list of acting honours that includes countless acclaimed television and film performances, as well as a Golden Globe, an AFI and Oscar and Emmy nominations.

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The role in the Broadway play Other Desert Cities will keep her in New York over Christmas, but in mid-January, Rachel, 42, and husband Andrew Taylor, an artist, will take their three children, Banjo, eight, Adelaide, six, and Clementine, two, back home for a Sydney summer.

“We will base ourselves there, hang out, become Australian again,” she says, smiling. Fans can catch her in her new movie, Burning Man, set on Bondi Beach.

How do you balance your love of acting with motherhood?

I played a mother for five years on television, which was super satisfying. I loved playing a character who juggled, sometimes well, sometimes badly — it was where I was at. It’s hard [to get the balance] on the long-haul TV stuff. I feel a little bit guilty about doing Broadway because it’s so satisfying for me and I’m not getting home to tuck [the children] in. But my husband and I try to balance our work schedules, so when I was off, Andrew was painting [he has a show in New York this month].

Your TV series Brothers & Sisters has finished its run. Do you miss it?

I miss the cast, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t get a text from Sally [Field] or Matthew [Rhys] or Calista [Flockhart] or Gilles [Marini], so we are still incredibly close and will be forever.

In your new film, Burning Man, you play a sometime lover of a man who is struggling to raise his son after the death of his wife. What was that like?

It’s every parent’s fear, becoming ill and leaving their children behind. The idea of a mother in her prime leaving a family [as in the film] is something you can’t even conceive.

How do you prepare them for that?

I almost died having Clementine. I had a spontaneous uterine rupture and, for three days, I was extremely touch and go. So my husband stared down the long corridor of that for three days. We almost lost her [Clementine], too.

How did you and Andrew recover emotionally from that experience?

That kind of changed me and it changed us. It really did give us that sense that what we have is so fragile, don’t sweat the small stuff and appreciate the family, each other. We have hardly had a bicker since.

The family is moving back to Sydney. Are the kids excited? Do they feel American?

Banjo totally sees himself as Australian. He’ll say he misses the beach and catching leatherjackets, he misses his cousins. I think Addie does [feel Australian], too. Maybe she is more on the fence. They are excited to be going back and know it’s close.

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Do you enjoy the red carpet walk?

I don’t know any actor who does. It’s an assault, those flashbulbs, you’re hoping you’re not sweating. What I do as an actor is inhabit people and hopefully express quite delicate human states, and that doesn’t have a lot to do with red carpet. But I’ve always enjoyed being pregnant on the red carpet because you have a free pass!

Read more of this story in the December issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly magazine for only $64.95 and go into the draw to win 1 of 10 fabulous Hawaiian holiday packages, valued at over $12,000 each.

Video: Television’s biggest tantrums

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The Dovekeepers

The Dovekeepers

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Alice Hoffman is one of the most popular and memorable writers of her generation, the author of such iconic bestsellers as Here on Earth, an Oprah Book Club choice, and Practical Magic, which was made into a film starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman. Now she returns with her most masterful work yet, The Dovekeepers, a triumph of imagination and research set in ancient Israel.

In 70 AD, 900 Jews held out for months against armies of Romans on a mountain in the Judean desert, Masada. According to the ancient historian Josephus, only two women and five children survived the siege. Based on this tragic historical event, Hoffman weaves a spellbinding tale of four extraordinary women, each of whom comes to Masada to escape their past and fulfill their destiny.

Yael’s mother died in childbirth and her father, the greatest assassin of his day, never forgave her for her death. She falls in love with a married man, another assassin, who dies as they flee from Jerusalem, under siege by the Romans. Revka is a baker’s wife who witnesses the brutal rape and murder of her daughter by Roman soldiers. She flees to Masada with her twin grandsons who also witnessed the atrocity and are left mute. Aziza is a warrior’s daughter, raised as a fearless rider and expert marksman who finds extraordinary passion with another soldier. Shirah is the Witch of Moab, born in Alexandria, wise in the ways of ancient magic and medicine, and a woman with uncanny insight and power.

As the desperate days of the siege come to an end and the Romans draw near, the lives of these four women come together. They are the keepers of doves, as well as secrets; about who they are, where they have come from, who fathered them and whom they love. Only fate will decide what truths are revealed and who will survive.

The most ambitious novel Alice Hoffman has ever written, The Dovekeepers is the story of murder, magic, faith, love, loyalty, fate – and one of the most dramatic passages in ancient history.

To read the first chapter of The Dovekeepers click here.

For your reading group guide click here

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Domestic abuse in Australia: The facts

Woman scared and hiding from her partner's domestic abuse

Can you imagine a world where women sit frightened and alone, too scared to move? A world where a simple trip to the shops could mean another broken bone? A world where the threat of violence is an everyday occurrence?

Sadly, many women don’t have to imagine it. They live it. According to UNICEF, domestic abuse is the most widespread form of violence against women today. It has no boundaries and affects every community regardless of class, culture or background.

Young or old, weak or strong, anyone can fall victim to domestic violence. Even men. In fact MensLine Australia Program Leader, Randal Newton-John said, “Of the men who speak about abuse in their primary relationships, 50 percent report as having ‘experienced’ abuse.”

While most agreed that sexual and physical abuse was a form of domestic violence, the lines for emotional abuse seemed blurred with one in five believing “yelling abuse at a partner” wasn’t that serious.

The reality is any form of threatening or intimidating behaviour from a partner is domestic abuse. It’s a crime of control which can cover many areas:

  • Emotional: like blaming, humiliating and manipulating

  • Verbal: like name calling and screaming

  • Physical: like threatening or actually causing harm, smashing property

  • Financial: like controlling money and jobs

  • Sexual abuse

Secrecy, denial and shame are all very real consequences of domestic violence as women try to juggle keeping the peace at home with putting up a front to the outside world.

This can cause devastating mental and physical stress on the body, leading to depression and anxiety disorders, not to mention drug and alcohol dependency.

Not only are children likely to blame themselves for what’s happening at home but they can learn its acceptable behaviour.

Sometimes the effects from living in a violent household can emerge years later. Just look at pop-singer Rihanna’s ex-boyfriend Chris Brown. In 2007 after admitting on TV he witnessed domestic violence growing up, Brown said he’d not only wet the bed in fear but became a “scared and timid” child.

“I don’t want to go through the same thing or put a woman through the same thing my mom went through,” he said. Just a few months later Brown was arrested for the horrific assault on his then-girlfriend, Rihanna.

Weeks after Rihanna’s attack, the world was stunned to see her and Chris back together. She explained it was “unconditional love” that made her stand by her man. “It’s completely normal to go back. The moment the physical wounds go away you want the memories to go away. You start lying to yourself.”

Rihanna admitted she only left after realising the damaging message she was sending out to the world.

One of the most common reasons to stay in an abusive relationship is love. Or rather the belief that the person we first fell in love with, is still there underneath it all. Hanging on to that small amount of hope prevents many women from rebuilding their lives, away from the abuse.

Other reasons are:

  • Guilt about breaking up the family

  • Shame, belief that it’s their fault, low self esteem

  • Denial

  • Hope that they will change

  • Fear of further violence

  • Financial burden

  • Nowhere to go

“Often an abused woman copes with the shame of the situation by cutting herself off from support networks, which can be dangerous physically and emotionally,” she said.

Tread carefully. Remember the abusive partner has caused significant damage to their self esteem. “Sometimes women have lost the power to judge if what they’re going through is normal or not, so don’t be too challenging,” Anne said.

Make sure your loved one feels safe and trusted. Offer moral support like going to the police station with them or standing by as they ring a helpline. Above all, listen without judgement, show you believe them and reassure them of your unconditional support.

You should also:

  • Respect their decisions

  • Tell them about services (listed below)

  • Protect their safety, especially if they have left the relationship.

If you’re one of the many women too terrified to say or do anything, Anne said it’s a totally understandable feeling. “Many women are going through this, so it’s important to recognise you’re not alone. Find someone you trust to open up to and take baby steps.”

Relationships Australia:

Relationships Australia is just one organisation out of many that can help with domestic violence. From the practicalities of legal advice and accommodation concerns to counselling and support groups, Relationships Australia works closely with help lines and refuges to provide caring and neutral support.

Ph: 1300 364 277

www.relationships.com.au

Ph: 1300 78 99 78

www.mensline.org.au

  • The National Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault helpline 1800 200526

  • Lifeline: 131 114www.lifeline.org.au

To support White Ribbon Day on November 25, visit www.whiteribbon.org.au/myoath.

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Women fake orgasms to keep their man: study

Women fake orgasms to keep their man: study

Image: Getty, posed by models

Women who are unsure whether their man is faithful are more likely to fake orgasms and engage in “mate-guarding” behaviours in an effort to hold on to their man, a new US study has found.

The research, conducted at the HIV Centre for Clinical and Behavioural Studies at Columbia University, is the first to find a quantitative link between suspicions of infidelity to the likelihood of faking orgasm.

Study researcher Farnaz Kaighobadi said woman often fake orgasms to hold on to their relationship.

“A lot of the time, women are using it just as a tool to strengthen their relationship,” she told LiveScience.

“Sometimes women could be pretending orgasm just to show love and care to their partner.”

Of the woman surveyed for the research about half of the respondents said they had faked an orgasm at some point in their lives.

“One particular reason that emerges from a lot of studies is ‘to keep my partner interested in this relationship,’ or ‘to prevent him from defecting [from] the relationship or ‘leaving the relationship for another woman’,” Kaighobadi said.

In order to see if these feelings were relevant to other woman, Kaighobadi distributed surveys to 453 women, ranging in age from 18 to 46, who had been in relationships for at least six months.

About 54 percent of the women reported they had faked an orgasm at some point in their relationship. The woman who had faked orgasms were found to be more suspicious about their partners’ fidelity than the women who said they hadn’t faked any orgasms.

This group of woman was also actively “mate-guarding” which can mean anything from simply dressing up nicely to impress their partner to keeping tabs of where he goes to telling off other women who look at him.

“It seems that women who were more likely to pretend orgasm were also more likely to do a variety of these behaviours at the same time,” Kaighobadi said.

The researchers didn’t ask how satisfied the women were with their sexual relationships Kaighobadi said, so it was unknown whether faking orgasm is related to lower levels of satisfaction in bed.

Kaighobadi added the survey did not ask woman how satisfied they were with their sexual relationships. However, the research, published in the November issue of the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, could help inform about whether the female orgasm is adaptive; meaning it somehow gives women an evolutionary advantage.

In the past, researchers have argued over whether orgasms help a woman retain sperm from valued partners, and whether having orgasms keeps a male partner interested.

“Only one or two studies provide evidence of whether there is an adaptive function or not,” Kaighobadi said. “We’re not sure, and I think there should be a lot more study.”

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Angelina Jolie: “I am very lucky to be here”

Angelina Jolie: "I am very lucky to be here"

Before meeting Brad Pitt, Angeline Jolie was known for her bad girl behaviour.

Most famously for passionately kissing her brother in public, and hanging a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck when the pair were married back in 2000.

But since meeting Brad she has admitted to moving on from being a bad girl in most ways.

In the interview with 60 Minutes which airs on Sunday night in the US, Angelina admits she lived dangerously.

“I went through heavier, darker times and I survived them. I didn’t die young,” she revealed during the interview.

“So I am very lucky to be here. People can imagine I did the most dangerous things, I did the worst — and for many reasons, I shouldn’t be here … too many dangerous things, too many chances taken too far.”

And despite putting those days behind her, the 36-year-old mother of six said she can still be pretty edgy.

“I’m still a bad girl. I still have that side of me … it’s just in its place now… it belongs to Brad. Or … our adventures,” she said.

Watch the preview of the 60 Minutes interview in the video player above.

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Cinderella ate my daughter

Cinderella ate my daughter

Little girls love pink — or do they? Peggy Orenstein looks at the influence of marketing and asks whether girls are born wanting to be princesses or have had princesshood thrust upon them.

Here is my dirty little secret: as a journalist, I have spent nearly two decades writing about girls, thinking about girls, talking about how girls should be raised. Yet, when I finally got pregnant myself, I was terrified at the thought of having a daughter.

I was supposed to be an expert on girls’ behaviour. What if, after all that, I was not up to the challenge myself?

In pictures: Suri Cruise’s public meltdown

Then I saw the incontrovertible proof on the sonogram (or what they said was incontrovertible proof; to me, it looked indistinguishable from, say, a nose) and I suddenly realised I had wanted a girl — desperately, passionately — all along. I had just been afraid to admit it.

Yet I still fretted over how I would raise her, what kind of role model I would be, whether I would take my own smugly written advice on the complexities surrounding girls’ beauty, body image, education, achievement.

Would I embrace frilly dresses or ban Barbies? Push football boots or tutus?

Shopping for her, I grumbled over the relentless colour coding of babies. Who cared whether the crib sheets were pink or plaid? During those months, I must have started a million sentences with “My daughter will never…”

And then I became a mother. Daisy was, of course, the most beautiful baby ever (if you don’t believe me, ask my husband).

I was committed to raising her without a sense of limits: I wanted her to believe neither that some behaviour or toy or profession was not for her sex nor that it was mandatory for her sex.

I wanted her to be able to pick and choose the pieces of her identity freely — that was supposed to be the prerogative, the privilege of her generation.

For a while, it looked as if I were succeeding. On her first day of nursery, at the age of two, she wore her favourite outfit — her “engineers” (a pair of pin- striped overalls) — and proudly toted her Thomas the Tank Engine lunchbox.

My daughter had transcended typecasting. Oh, how the mighty fall. All it took was one boy who, while whizzing past her in the playground, yelled, “Girls don’t like trains!” and Thomas was shoved to the bottom of the toy chest.

Within a month, Daisy threw a tantrum when I tried to wrestle her into trousers. As if by osmosis, she had learned the names and gown colours of every Disney Princess.

She gazed longingly into the tulle-draped windows of the local toy stores and, for her third birthday, begged for a “real princess dress” with matching plastic high heels.

Meanwhile, one of her classmates, the one with two mummies, showed up to school every single day dressed in a Cinderella gown. With a bridal veil.

What was going on here? My fellow mothers, women who once swore they would never be dependent on a man, smiled indulgently at daughters who insisted on being addressed as Snow White.

The supermarket checkout clerk invariably greeted Daisy with “Hi, Princess”. The waitress at our local breakfast joint, a hipster with a pierced tongue, called Daisy’s “funny-face pancakes” her “princess meal”.

The lady at the pharmacist offered us a free balloon, then said, “I bet I know your favourite colour!”, and handed Daisy a pink one, rather than letting her choose for herself.

Then, shortly after Daisy’s third birthday, our high-priced paediatric dentist pointed to the exam chair and asked, “Would you like to sit in my special princess throne so I can sparkle your teeth?”

“Oh, for God’s sake,” I snapped. “Do you have a princess drill, too?” She looked at me as if I were the wicked stepmother.

Yet, honestly, since when did every little girl become a princess? It wasn’t like this when I was a kid and I was born back when feminism was still a mere twinkle in our mothers’ eyes.

We did not dress head to toe in pink. We did not have our own miniature high heels.

As my little girl made her daily beeline for the dress-up corner of her classroom, I fretted over what playing Little Mermaid, a character who actually gives up her voice to get a man, was teaching her.

On the other hand, I thought, maybe I should see princess mania as a sign of progress, an indication that girls could celebrate their predilection for pink without compromising strength or ambition.

That, at long last, they could “have it all”: be feminist and feminine, pretty and powerful, earn independence and male approval. Then again, maybe I should just lighten up and not read so much into it.

In pictures: Child stars all grown up

This is an edited extract from Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches From The Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture, by Peggy Orenstein, published by Harper Press.

Read more of this story in the December issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Do you think girls are born liking pink, or is it something drummed into them?

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Sarah Murdoch on whingeing models, family and turning 40

Sarah Murdoch on whingers, family and turning 40

Photography by Simon Lekias. Styling by Judith Cook and Mattie Cronan.

Sarah Murdoch discusses ‘whingeing’ model wannabes, turning 40 and why her family will always come first.

Sarah Murdoch has a message for Generation Y. “I have never heard so much whingeing and as for a work ethic, I don’t know where that’s gone.”

The producer and host of Foxtel’s reality TV hit, Australia’s Next Top Model, is just days from season seven’s grand finale when we sit down for breakfast in Sydney’s Centennial Park.

In pictures: Beauties who have banned airbrushing

While Sarah’s proud that this series has been the best ever, both in quality and ratings, and is certain she’s on the cusp of crowning the most talented model the series has ever discovered (a few days later, the effortlessly statuesque Montana Cox won the competition to universal acclaim), she has a few things to get off her chest.

“I mean, we’re the ones sitting on set for 18 hours; they’re back in a green room having sandwiches and cups of tea, and they’re still whingeing,” she says with an exaggerated eye roll.

“That’s why I felt I had to be quite strict on them this year. For me, the show is about personal growth and I think the most important thing is to realise how fortunate you are and to work with what you’ve been given. I keep saying to these girls, ‘Do you not realise who you are working with? Do you not realise the leg up you’ve been given? Can you not fathom what has been handed to you here and you’re still complaining!’

“This idea that you should just be famous for being famous and it should all be handed to you, and it shouldn’t be hard work …”

Hard work is something Sarah knows a thing or two about. “When I was modelling, you were at the bottom of the ladder. When you got to a shoot, you just did what you were told and had no say. In fact, it was better if you didn’t speak at all. No one was interested in what you had to say.”

Rumours are swirling that Sarah will join her husband at Network Ten to work as an anchor for a possible breakfast or morning show, but Sarah absolutely refutes them.

“I don’t have any ego about having to be a huge TV star, I really don’t,” she says. “Not that I’m not an ambitious person, but my priority is my family and my children, so anything I do has to fit in with that.”

With this in mind, Sarah set up her own production company so she could seize the reins of her own career.

“When I was on the Today show, I was working for a network and I felt that at this point in my life I really just wanted to have a bit more ownership in anything that I did and have full creative control. Top Model is something I feel very passionate about and responsible for, and I wanted to have real control over this show and everything that involved me or the messages I was sending out.”

In pictures: Sarah Murdoch

Next year is another important year for Sarah with the big 4-0 on the horizon. “My mum says she dreams she’s still 21 and when she wakes up and looks in the mirror she has a heart attack. I can relate to that and while it is kind of big [turning 40], it’s also not. I’m at a really good point in my life now with the kids. I’m going to enjoy it.”

Read more of this story in the December issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly magazine for only $64.95 and go into the draw to win 1 of 10 fabulous Hawaiian holiday packages, valued at over $12,000 each.

Video: Sarah strips off

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‘Our home was invaded by a knife-wielding intruder’

'Our home was invaded by a knife-wielding intruder'

Michael and Deborah Costa and their children Valentina and Mikos.

The Costa family enjoyed an idyllic country lifestyle with their precious children — until a knife-wielding intruder destroyed their sanctuary. Jordan Baker visits a family trying to put the pieces of their life back together.

The Costa family considered their farm their refuge, a place where five-year-old Valentina and two-year-old Mikos could forget the punishing medical appointments they needed to stay alive, and where their father Michael, the former NSW treasurer, could shut out the noise of politics.

The isolated, 54-hectare property was a place where Deborah and Michael could give their children bush adventures and pony rides to make up for the tubes, tablets and pain they lived with every day.

True crime: Two wives, two murders, one killer

Not once in eight years did Deborah feel unsafe. Yet that changed in April, when a masked stranger broke into her kitchen, brandishing a carving knife.

He tied Deborah up in front of her children and for a terrifying half hour she thought they would witness her rape and murder.

The family often spends part of the week in their city flat while they take the children to specialists to help manage their complex and painful gastro-intestinal problems.

Late on April 13 this year, they returned to their farm after another round of appointments.

The next morning, Michael left for an early meeting and the rest of the family pottered around the house; Valentina lay on the couch sick with flu, while Deborah and Mikos played in the kitchen.

Deborah did not notice the man in a black balaclava hiding in bushes, watching the house. Nor did she hear him creeping through the door. She only realised he was there when she turned around to find a knife in her face.

A hundred thoughts flashed through her head in a nanosecond. Was she dreaming? Did she know him? Was it a joke? “Then there’s the moment when you realise it’s not and that there’s a man in your house dressed in black waving a knife.”

She was gripped by panic. He ordered her to lie down on her stomach, but she backed away until he became too insistent to disobey. He tied her feet with wire, then fastened her hands behind her back.

“My daughter saw me and was leaning over, screaming,” she says. “She started yelling, ‘Mum, what’s happening, what’s he doing?’ I thought, ‘I can’t move, this man is going to rape me.’ “

Deborah was convinced that her children would witness her death.

“The feeling is indescribable,” she says. “That’s when I started singing to them. I thought in my kids’ last moments with me, I want them to feel some comfort. I sang The Rainbow Song — ‘red and yellow and pink and green’.”

Valentina kept screaming and Deborah tried to reassure her, despite her own terror. “I said, ‘It’s okay, this man needs some help, isn’t it great that we can help him?’ “

The intruder ordered her to stay on the floor. He emptied her wallet of its contents — $5 — and started loading 28 bottles of wine into her car, while telling Deborah not to move, he would be back.

Valentina was hysterical and Mikos bewildered, begging his mother to pick him up and get his dummy. When the intruder finished with the wine rack and went outside, Mikos ran screaming after him.

“He started screaming for my husband,” says Deborah. “I don’t know if he thought this man was my husband. I thought, ‘He’s going to take my son.’ “

Terrified he was going to return and not knowing whether her son was safe, Deborah told Valentina to dial 000 on the cordless phone.

Valentina — confused, upset and only four years old — struggled to understand. She tried to dial 000, but it didn’t work, so Deborah used her tongue to hang up the phone.

Valentina dialled again and this time the call went through. She held the phone next to her mother’s ear and the emergency operator did her best to comfort her while she notified police.

True crime: I’m haunted by my daughter’s murder

The wait seemed interminable. When Deborah heard the crunch of footsteps, she thought it was the intruder returning. It was a police officer with her baby son.

“I tried to stay calm, but when the police officer came around, it was indescribable, the feeling I was safe. I just cried.”

The ordeal was over. Or the first part of it, at least.

Read more of this story in the December issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

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