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Sarah Jessica Parker on having it all

Sarah Jessica Parker on having it all

Sarah Jessica Parker

There’s far more to Sarah Jessica Parker than Carrie Bradshaw. Chrissy Iley talks movies, marriage, and motherhood with the star.

There’s an instant kinship when you meet Sarah Jessica Parker. All she has to say is, “How are you?” and she oozes empathy.

She has an uncanny ability to relate to vulnerability, whether you’re single in Manhattan or juggling a job, kids and a husband, as she does in her new movie, I Don’t Know How She Does It.

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Throwing off her Giuseppe Zanotti patent leather shoes in her New York hotel room, she gives off a hint of tiredness and jokes that the geranium red corset-bodiced Oscar de la Renta dress will be returned tomorrow. “You can wear it next,” she says.

As an actress, playing “everywoman” is Sarah’s stock in trade. I don’t know how she does it and I’m sure many have asked her that question countless times, long before she was in a movie with the same title.

“People have,” she says in a half-purr, half-giggle. “I always talk about all the other women with far less support than me who do it because they have to, rather than because it’s something they want to do. And that’s one of the things I love in this movie.

“We are telling the story of a woman who isn’t wealthy at all. She’s worked hard in what is considered a male-dominated business [finance] and she’s also a devoted mother. It is many women’s story and other women do it in a far more heroic way than I,” Sarah says with typical self-deprecation.

The question is not only how you do it, but why? If you don’t have to juggle career, children and husband for financial reasons why choose to? “The beauty of the times we live in is that we do have choices,” Sarah says.

“For me, it has been hard to say no. I wanted a family and I was a career person. I tried to marry those two things; sometimes it’s successful and sometimes it’s not,” she says.

It must have been quite an adjustment. Sarah was famous for playing the world’s most famous single woman, constantly looking for love and making bad choices as Carrie in Sex And The City.

She was born in Nelsonville, Ohio, 46 years ago and has been married to 49-year-old Matthew Broderick for 14 years.

It was quite a leap for women identifying with Carrie and her single-girl lifestyle when, in 2002, she became pregnant with James Wilkie, now nine.

As Carrie, she was accessorised with increasingly large tote bags to hide the baby bump during filming.

Was it a big adjustment for Sarah? “It wasn’t,” she says. “I stopped working a year after James Wilkie was born, so I had a nice amount of time with him. I think a bigger adjustment than becoming a mother has been to go from one to three children.

“In retrospect, one child seems a cake walk compared to where I stand today. My children are a great blessing and I love them. They are the main source of all the joy in my life.”

After the couple had struggled to conceive, twin daughters Marion Loretta Elwell and Tabitha Hodge, nicknamed Kitty and Babe, arrived in June 2009 via a surrogate, using eggs that Sarah had had frozen and Matthew’s sperm.

Did she know they would be welcoming twins? “No, we didn’t,” she says emphatically, the shock still clearly resonating. “We didn’t know. We understood that it was a possibility.

“We were just hopeful that we had one healthy child and everything else was the cherry on the sundae. It was a wonderful surprise,” Sarah says.

Was it different meeting your children rather than giving birth to them?

“It is definitely a different preparation experience,” says Sarah. Surrogacy, she reveals, wasn’t her preferred choice.

“I would give birth as often as I could,” she says. “I loved all the aspects of my pregnancy with our son —’ the good and the bad.”

In pictures: Stars who are sexy at 60

A few years ago, I read that she said Matthew was a complicated person and they have had a sometimes bumpy ride as a couple. “I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true,” Sarah says.

“We’ve been together for 20 years. You have good days, you have decent days and you have bad days. That’s a marriage. That’s a relationship. That’s a friendship.”

I Don’t Know How She Does It was released nationally on November 3.

Read more of this story in the November issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Why do you think Sarah Jessica Parker has been so successful?

Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly magazine for only $64.95 and go into the draw to win 1 of 10 fabulous Hawaiian holiday packages, valued at over $12,000 each.

Video: Sarah Jessica Parker

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Are erection problems ruining your marriage?

Are erection problems ruining your marriage?

It’s the male sexual taboo that can destroy relationships and rob couples of a happy love-life. Yet erectile dysfunction needs to be discussed openly and with understanding, before it’s too late, writes Bettina Arndt.

Keith lived through a nightmare. He went from being a happily married man to a shaky soul who lost his wife, his marriage and much of his confidence.

It all started three years ago when the 61-year-old man’s sexual equipment began to fail. The couple had never had a problem before.

In pictures: Hollywood’s biggest gentlemen

“Our love life had been good, intuitive love-making, but largely without discussion.”

When Keith began to lose erections, he was utterly devastated and didn’t know how to talk to his wife about it.

He couldn’t discuss it, so he stopped going near her. “I withdrew from my wife. I wanted to make love to her, but I couldn’t, so I put up an emotional wall. I wanted to go on being a good lover to her, but I didn’t know how to do this without an erection.”

Instead of going to bed together, he stayed up later and later watching television.

She’d lie in bed wondering why he wasn’t interested in making love anymore: “Didn’t he find her attractive? Was he having an affair?”

Keith acknowledges that he was so caught up with his own drama that he didn’t give much thought to what his wife might be feeling.

“Here I was torturing myself, but largely unaware of how deeply I was hurting my wonderful wife. I wasn’t told until three years later that she had been equally devastated by the split in our relationship, that she had cried herself to sleep on countless occasions.”

Eventually, she moved out into the spare bedroom and the couple is now divorced — their 20-year marriage ended because they didn’t know how to tackle this common problem.

Huge numbers of couples are struggling with erectile dysfunction (ED), which affects 40 per cent of 40-year-olds, every second man in his 50s, 60 per cent of 60-year-olds and the numbers just keep climbing as men age.

Yet it is so rare that we talk openly about the profound impact of this problem on relationships.

We often find ourselves underestimating the demoralising effect of ED on a man’s confidence and masculinity — particularly when it happens suddenly, for instance after prostate cancer treatment.

Almost 20,000 Australian men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year and most of them will suffer ED following treatments like surgery or radiation.

Tackling ED is a major issue for most of these men — often their top priority once they know they have survived the cancer. Yet this important aspect of their rehabilitation is rarely taken seriously — how often have you heard people giggling over Viagra?

That’s so different from the way we deal with a woman with breast cancer. When a woman suffers the loss of a breast through mastectomy, we understand what a blow that is to her confidence and sense of femininity, and we provide government support for breast reconstruction and prosthesis — as we should.

Yet the man who loses the sexual functioning of his penis following prostate cancer treatment receives no government money for ED treatments and very little public acknowledgement of his plight.

The good news is that most men with ED can now be helped. There is a range of effective treatments, which enable most men to regain erections.

In pictures: Celebrity love children

It was wonderful to hear from men thrilled to be able to get erections after years without them.

Here’s a man who’d just tried Viagra: “The first time was amazing. It felt like I was 20 again. This is the best thing since sliced bread, but much dearer.”

Read more of this story in the November issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

Your say: Has your relationship been affected by erectile dysfunction?

Subscribe to 12 issues of The Australian Women’s Weekly magazine for only $64.95 and go into the draw to win 1 of 10 fabulous Hawaiian holiday packages, valued at over $12,000 each.

Video: How to deal with prostate cancer

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Hugh Jackman: Back on Broadway

Hugh Jackman: Back on Broadway

Hugh Jackman

Hugh Jackman is back to doing what he does best — singing, dancing and making women weak at the knees.

The 43-year-old has opened his sexy new one-man show Back on Broadway with eight sell-out preview performances.

The show has smashed Broadway box office records, making more than $1.2 million in the first eight shows.

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Back on Broadway features Jackman performing songs from his career on stage and the big screen, including numbers from The Boy from Oz, with the backing of an 18-piece orchestra.

The show officially opens at New York’s Broadhurst theatre on November 10.

Your say: Would you like Hugh to bring his one-man show to Australia?

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All in the mind?

Free your mind

Many people grow up with a label they acquired in early childhood and by adulthood it’s become a self-fulfilling prophecy. How often are you referred to as “The Quiet One”, “The Shy One” or “The Worrier” before you believe that is who you are and behave accordingly?

Parents and teachers sometimes sum up an entire personality in one word, which tends to make families as scripted as a drama, with each person assigned particular roles which they continue to act out.

“People do learn to adapt in different situations and I think that’s fairly typical,” she says “It’s part of our social skills and really a matter of increasing confidence and adapting to suit different people and situations. Thinking of the positive results of behaving in a particular and desirable way can reinforce that behaviour and make it easier to produce each time until it is almost natural.”

Oliver James, the psychologist and author who published They F** You Up: How to survive family life* in 2002, goes a step further, believing a complete personality change is indeed possible.

The crux of his argument is that emotional attachments in our first years of life shape all future relationships, as well as our very sense of self. He identifies four personality types, and as well as believing we can change these, also details how to do so.

“Apart from uncontrollable life events, such as meeting the right person, having babies or securing a particular job, we can have a profound effect on our own personalities,” he says “You need to identify what is troubling you and focus on that — such as why you are in a particular mood, especially if that is negative.

Look at how patterns are established and aim to change them, even in the smallest ways. You rewrite your own life, and become the personality you want, but it does take work.

I would also add that recent evidence from the Human Genome Project suggests that only 5-10 percent of what we are like is caused by genes. How we are is not fixed by them. Our electrochemical thermostat is set by our early life, especially 0-6, is not in our genes, and so it can be changed. “

Imagine how you would have been if family life/circumstances/situations had been different and start making small changes in your behaviour to get out of the habits you’re unhappy with — practice a greeting over and over again until you know you could walk into any social gathering and hide your nerves by using it.

Or learn to take a deep breath and let people get to the end of a sentence, rather than cutting across them. Drama classes can be helpful at every age in learning to present a particular image and change body language to be more receptive.

A common reaction in stressful situations is to comfort yourself unconsciously by stroking your neck, hugging yourself or cradling your arms. The person opposite may not be totally conscious of your actions but they instinctively don’t like them, and the situation instantly becomes uneasy.

Speech is another immediate giveaway in terms of how relaxed you are as when you’re anxious you talk less, but faster, which can come across as very clipped sounding.

Keep abreast of current events and always be ready to learn something new or try different experiences and don’t let anyone pigeonhole you.

If you want to try something different nothing is set in stone, especially not childhood nicknames. Changes in life circumstances can have a profound effect but understanding your personality also allows you to change it voluntarily by identifying what troubles you about how you come across to other people.

You can’t do anything about the past but you have complete control over your future, so break free from other people’s expectations and take life by the reigns and steer yourself towards the personality, life and future you desire.

Related video: Do hormones determine your personality?

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Hot summer style tips

Hot summer style tips

Do you have a wardrobe stuffed full of clothes, but still find you’ve got nothing to wear? Celebrity stylist Fifi Milne shares her top tips for updating your summer wardrobe without blowing your budget.

Style is all about feeling comfortable:

Know the style that suits you; pick and choose the trends that will work for you, your age and body shape. Don’t be afraid of sticking to your own style. With the 1980s silhouette making a big comeback this season, it has never been easier to look glamorous and feel comfortable. Baggy pants, unstructured t-shirts and loose blazers all work for a relaxed and on-trend style.

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Have a party on your feet:

Have fun with your footwear this summer! Bring to life your shoe collection with bold colours, distinctive textures and strong shapes.

White hot summer:

Wearing white next to the face takes away ten years. Invest in a classic white shirt or team brightly coloured t-shirts with white tanks tops for a youthful summer look.

Must-have additions to your summer wardrobe:

  • A brightly-coloured pair of skinny jeans

  • A simple white 1960s-style shift dress

  • A blush pink silky blazer

Coordinating colour:

Daring fashionistas might want to experiment with the latest colour blocking trend by wearing loud, clashing colour combinations. For a more realistic colourful look, choose one bold shade and pair it with neutrals, caramels and whites.

Wardrobe worries:

It can be really expensive trying to keep up with all the latest trends. When building your wardrobe, try and stick to three classic colours, such as black, navy and brown, then use statement jewellery and bold shoes to quickly update any outfit. Gwyneth Paltrow knows how to work the basic look, she’s rarely seen wearing any prints, and always look fabulous!

Tabletop dressing:

Dress from the table upwards. Printed trousers can often be unflattering, so when it comes to your choice of bottoms, basic is best. Have fun and brighten up your outfits with jewellery and colourful tops.

Shopping: Fashion bargains

Purr-fect shades:

Give your outfit a glamorous and 1950s-style twist with a pair of this season’s must-have cat eye sunglasses.

Fifi Milne is an ambassador for Hush Puppies and helped launched the shoe brand’s first Australian store in Sydney this month.

Video: Look fashionable at any age

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My battle with postnatal depression

Postnatal depression

One in seven Australian mothers experience postnatal depression, and thousands more suffer in silence.

For Jackie Hall, that suffering culminated in a terrifying incident which saw a kitchen knife narrowly miss her two-year-old son’s head.

Jackie started feeling depressed after the birth of her first son, and the feelings only intensified when her second was born just 16 months later. When her boys were two years old and six months old, she had a breakdown.

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“I was really angry, self-critical, feeling guilty for being angry, in a vicious cycle that I couldn’t get out of,” Jackie says.

“There was one specific incident where I just got so angry I slammed a knife onto the kitchen bench and it bounced off and narrowly missed my two-year-old’s head.

“It was a massive wake-up call for me. I remember running to my room and screaming that I hated my life. I just fell apart.”

But as her world was crumbling, Jackie had an epiphany. She realised that if she wanted to be happy again, she was the one who needed to do something about it.

“In the middle of that breakdown I specifically remember the words in my head: ‘No one else can change this for you,'” she says.

“That made me jolt into reality and realise I had to do something about this.”

A long-time devotee of self-help books, Jackie did some research and decided to write her own. After years of work, she created The Happy Mum Handbook, which she describes as a mixture of personal experience and tried and tested methods that have helped thousands of people suffering from depression.

“One of the reasons I wrote this book is while statistics are saying one in ten are suffering from post-natal depression, that’s just statistically,” Jackie says.

“What about all the others who aren’t saying anything and who are suffering in silence. I haven’t spoken to a mother yet who hasn’t felt down or depressed. There are lots of mums out there who are struggling.”

Signs you might be suffering from postnatal depression

  • Thinking thoughts like “I can’t be bothered,” “Why bother?” and “I’m a failure”.

  • Being unable to see the funny side of things

  • Not looking forward to things that used to make you excited

  • Blaming yourself when things go wrong, even if it’s not your fault

  • Feeling anxious, worried, scared or panicky for no good reason

  • Feeling like the world is getting on top of you

  • Having difficulty sleeping

  • Feeling sad or miserable

  • Crying for no reason

  • Thinking about harming yourself

If you think you or someone you know if suffering from postnatal depression, Jackie advises seeking professional help immediately.

For all those who do, there are hundreds more who would never admit they were struggling because of the stigma still attached to postnatal depression. To those women, Jackie has a message: it will get better.

Related: Tackling postnatal depression together

“There is light at the end of the tunnel,” Jackie says. “There is nothing wrong with you, you just need to retrain your brain. It’s never the events themselves that cause us to feel stress, anxiety and depression it is the way we are perceiving the events.

“Someone suffering postnatal depression thinks, ‘The baby is crying, I’m a bad mother because I can’t stop it’.”

“You just need to change the lens you’re looking at life through and the only person who can change it is you.”

For more information about Jackie Hall, or The Happy Mum Handbook visit Jackie’s website Self Help for Mums

The 2011 National Postnatal Depression Awareness week runs from November 18 to 24. For more information, visit Beyondblue.

Your say: Have you suffered from postnatal depression?

Video: Australia’s super-mums

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Catherine meets Princess Mary

Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge has met Princess Mary after the pair bonded over charity work and decided to work together in Copenhagen.

The pair, who have a striking resemblance, met at the UNICEF emergency supply centre, where they organised food deliveries for famine-hit eastern Africa.

Princess Mary and Catherine did not have an opportunity to meet earlier as Princess Mary and Prince Frederik were no invited to the royal wedding.

During the charity event Kate also gave her first interview since taking on a royal status.

Read more: Kate and Mary’s secret royal pact

Kate and Mary meet for the first time.

The pair have more than just looks in common.

They were both commoners before marrying into royalty.

Prince William and Prince Frederikwere also involved with the charity work.

It included them loading boxes for UNICEF.

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TV anchors stunned by colleague’s live lottery win

TV anchors stunned by colleague's live lottery win

Canadian anchors call their sports reporter to tell him he has won the lottery.

Two TV presenters were stunned when a live lottery worth the equivalent of $2.3 million was drawn — and one of their colleagues took out the major prize.

Canadian anchors Sophie Lui and Squire Barnes were clearly shocked when the winner turned out to be their sports reporter Barry Deley.

They immediately got him on the phone and told him he had won a country estate worth $2.3 million in the BC Children’s Hospital Dream Lottery draw.

Deley, who was out buying groceries at the time, was clearly as shocked as his colleagues.

“You know people are going to think this is kind of fishy, right?” he said.

When asked if he was coming back to work he said, “Perhaps I’ll see you after Christmas.”

The chances of winning in the lottery were estimated at one in 288,000.

Watch the video of the on air win in the video player above.

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William and Kate meet Mary and Fred

Australia’s two favourite princesses came face-to-face yesterday when Kate Middleton visited Princess Mary in Copenhagen.

Kate looked radiant in ruby red as she and Prince William visited Denmark for their first joint humanitarian mission.

They met Crown Prince Frederik and Crown Princess Mary at their palace for some tea before visiting a UNICEF warehouse to support the charity’s East Africa Appeal.

It was the first time Kate has met Mary and the visit showed just how much the royal ladies have in common.

The Duchess of Cambridge and Princess Mary.

Kate and Mary seemed to get along very well.

William, Kate, Mary and Frederik chat outside the UNICEF warehouse.

Kate looked absolutely stunning in a red coat.

Kate and William couldn’t stop staring at each other throughout the visit.

Kate shoots a loving look at her husband.

William and Kate made a very handsome couple.

The royals enjoyed their time at the UNICEF warehouse.

Kate and Mary show off their similar taste in hats earlier this year.

Lacy ladies: Kate in June and Mary in 2009.

Red carpet: Mary and Kate chose pastel colours in June this year.

Equestrienne chic: Kate in 2005 and Mary in 2008.

Engagement dresses: Kate in 2010 and Mary in 2003.

Wedding dresses: Kate in April and Mary in 2004.

Boating beauties: Kate in June and Mary in 2005.

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Kim Kardashian denies making money off wedding

Kim Kardashian denies making money off wedding

Kim Kardashian and her mum Kris Jenner have both spoken out about Kim’s 72 day marriage, saying that she didn’t make any money from the nuptials.

After arriving in Sydney this morning Kim took to her blog writing under the heading “a message to my fans” to talk about her divorce from Kris Humphries, saying that she may have rushed in to things.

“First and foremost, I married for love. I can’t believe I even have to defend this. I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show! I share so much of my life on a reality show, that contemplating whether to even film my wedding was a tough decision to make, and maybe it turned out to not be the smartest decision. But it’s who I am,” she wrote.

She also said that she didn’t make any money from her wedding following reports that she made $18 million for the event.

“There are also reports that I made millions of dollars off of the wedding. These reports are simply not true and it makes me so sad to have to even clarify this. I’m so grateful to everyone who took the time to come to my wedding and I’ll be donating the money for all the gifts to the Dream Foundation,” she wrote.

Kim’s mum Kris Jenner has also commented on her daughter’s 72 day marriage saying people need to stop judging her.

Talking to a US radio station KISS FM Kris also said that her 31-year-old daughter did not make any money from the wedding.

“The one thing that is the most annoying is the rumor that she made millions off of this wedding and she didn’t make a dime and actually spent millions of dollars on the wedding so it’s not something that she thought would ever not be happily ever after,” Kris said.

Meanwhile, Kris Humphries, who is said to be shocked by the divorce proceedings, has cancelled a Las Vegas night club appearance.

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