I nearly died when I was in college and the experience of death has changed me forever.
Death was so peaceful but coming back to the world I felt a horrible pain, like someone repeatedly punching me in the stomach.
I saw two women and a man surrounded by a black circle that appeared to be getting larger and closer. The lightening strikes of pain continued and the circle widened and I could see them clearer.
Then I could hear the man yelling “Derek, breath Derek… breath , Code Red!!!”
I was trying to say stop whatever he’s doing because it hurts and then I noticed it was his arms on my chest giving me CPR.
“Code Red!! Breath Derek, breath!!”
Then the worst pain of all I felt my chest cave and then inflate… it was my first breath.
My girlfriend and I had decided that we would both go for an STD blood test. When it was our turn we were split up, and went into two rooms across the hall from each other.
In the room were two nurses and a dodgy old wooden school chair and desk combination with the bean shaped desk attached to chair by a metal beam. I wondered if this was a suitable medical chair. One of the nurses noticed the look on my face and said:
“We like to use these old desks to keep patients arm in position, just makes it easier.”
I folded myself into the small chair. She mentioned that her colleague Suzy had just finished training and that I was going to be her first patient on her first day.
I should mention that I have an issue when it comes to blood. It’s not the blood of others or horror movies person bothers me, however, the thought of a metal object piercing my vein, a direct line to my heart, taking something from me and filling into a tube bothers me a lot.
I mentioned this to the nurse and she gave instructions to Suzy and I about how to handle someone who may get a bit woozy or possibly faint. She assured me I would be fine and to look at the wall, pick a focal point and trust Suzy.
With that she left the room while Suzy began. I calmly found a black spot for my focal point. I told Suzy I didn’t want a commentary about it but before I could complete my sentence she said “Don’t worry we are almost done.”
I then started to think about my life. Going back to when I was a child, about two or three years old, it is my earliest memory that I know of. I can recall seeing peas and carrots on my highchair as I look down on my baby fingers struggling to pick them up to eat. I know this is a memory because as I got older I hated peas.
I then recalled my first asthma attack, outside our house playing baseball with the neighborhood kids and suddenly not being able to breath, falling down and passing out.
One after the other I continued to see parts of my life, different friends and hilarious moments, the good, the bad, the really bad, life changing moments, girlfriends, heartbreaks, my first love, flashing before my eyes.
It was as if I was at some crazy movie theater showing all the moments and journeys of my life, but not just seeing them but feeling them, happy, sad, important, fearful, pure joy, exhilarating, euphoric, dramatic, content getting faster and faster leading up to the past month of getting a scholarship into college and up until the last second and then black.
Total darkness… nothing.
No light, nothing but calmness… empty space but not the feeling of an empty void but a sense of peace, comfort and zero emotion. Everything I had just visualized and felt was gone.
I will never forget this next part but yet I can’t quite remember it. I didn’t hear a voice or see anyone… I simply was just there and someone else was with me, a kind of presence. Similar to being in a dark room with someone you love and trust completely, you know they are there but not entirely sure of their exact location.
There was a conversation that took place for hours and possibly days. There were no words spoken; it was more like an exchange of thoughts.
All I can remember is this other presence gave me a message which I understood as:
“Derek, you will not remember most of this but you will remember this time that was shared. What was just learned will be within you always but it is not your time. Know that the path you are on, what you believe in is the right one and to be grateful for every moment you have. Give love and happiness to others.”
I have searched (and am still searching) for anyone or even a book that might have documented that same experience but I have had no luck.
After I was dragged from this place by the intense punching like pain in my stomach I realized I was at the clinic, something bad had happened, I saw Suzy crying, the older nurse holding one of my arms and another nurse holding my legs and I immediately went into shock.
“Derek calm down, calm down your going to be ok… breath” this time his voice more controlled and not as loud.
“Calm down… somebody get him some orange juice and water”.
Finally I started to slow down my breath. My arm felt funny and I looked down, the older nurse was cleaning blood from my arm. I realise the floor was covered in blood, my back, my hair. It was everywhere.
After about twenty minutes the doctor said I was going to be ok
“What happened?” I asked.
It is thought that I passed out and when I collapsed I landed in a position that cut off the blood flow to my brain. Suzy couldn’t life me and needed to get another doctor to help but they were finishing a patient first. They couldn’t have known that I was dying.
My near death experience was amazing and something I have never forgotten. It has changed my life in more ways than one. I live life knowing that death is something not to fear but something to include as part of life.
The moments we have, we should appreciate every second. Life is way too short and it is up to each and every one of us to make the most of it because it can be gone in a flash.
Written byDerek Zemmin
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