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Sheryl Sandberg apologises to single mums – and so she should

Kerri Sackville on why "leaning in" does not apply to single mothers.

Almost every single evening, when I collapse into bed at around 11pm, I chastise myself for all I didn’t do.

I didn’t open the mail. I didn’t change the sheets. I didn’t invoice for the last column I wrote. I didn’t organise a play date for my daughter.

Didn’t. Didn’t. Didn’t. Didn’t.

I rarely congratulate myself on all I did do. I did singlehandedly keep three children fed, clean, emotionally healthy, and up to date with their homework for another day. I did bring in an income. I did put on some laundry. I did catch up with a friend for coffee.

Did. Did. Did. Did.

I do so much. Every day, I do so much. As a single mother, my life is an endless series of doing. And that’s why, when Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In was released in March 2013, I didn’t feel there was much in it for me. My marriage had just ended. I was desperately trying to establish a new normalcy for my three kids. I was trying to keep my career going. And I was dealing with the emotional burden of being almost entirely responsible for the physical and emotional wellbeing of three other people.

Sheryl wrote about seeking challenges, pursuing goals, working hard, leaning in. And she wrote about men stepping up and helping women with the family duties so that the women could push through. But I was already leaning in so hard I was almost toppling over, and I didn’t have a partner to support me. It took all the energy I had just to keep my kids and I stable. I couldn’t even contemplate trying to break through the glass ceiling.

Now, more than three years down the track, it still takes most of my energy just to do what I do. I write and I parent and I manage the household and I take tiny steps towards broadening my career. I also take some time for myself, because if I’m not okay, my kids won’t be either.

But combining work with single parenthood is incredibly time consuming, and there still are only 24 hours in one day. I have to sleep. I have to exercise occasionally. I have to cook, and clean, and shop, and do the banking, and support and nurture my children, and that just doesn’t leave much time to conquer the world.

And even if it did, I am too bloody tired.

Sheryl and late husband David

And so it was with interest that I read Sandberg’s Mother’s Day post, in which she admitted to not having understood the plight of the single mother until she became one last year, after the tragic death of her husband, David Goldberg.

Some people felt that I did not spend enough time writing about the difficulties women face when they have an unsupportive partner or no partner at all. They were right.

Finally, this hugely influential woman was recognizing and acknowledging what we have long known, that:

Each and every day (single mothers) make sacrifices, push through barriers, and nurture beautiful families despite the demands on their time and energy.

We single mothers lean in, every day. Some of us go on to achieve great things outside child rearing, some of us focus our energies on our kids. But we all deserve acknowledgement for everything we do, and not be made to feel guilty by anyone, woman or man, for all we have not.

Do. Do. Do. Do.

Remember that.

Kerri Sackville

Kerri Sackville

Kerri Sackville is an Australian columnist, social commentator and mother of three. She writes regularly for online and print media, is the author of The Little Book of Anxiety, and appears regularly on Channel 7’s The Morning Show.

Follow Kerri on Twitter at @kerrisackville, and Facebook at Facebook.com/Kerri.Sackville.

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Sam Wood and Snezana Markoski are trying for a baby!

Sam Wood and Snezana Markoski's fairytale life just keeps getting better with the exciting new the Bachelor poster couple are hoping to have a child together asap.
Sam Wood and Snezana Markoski

The brunette beauty stunned at last year's Logies.

They’ve made no secret of the fact they’d love to make little Bachie babies.

And in a new interview with Australia’s OK! Magazine, Sam and Snez have reassured fans they’re working on that promise.

“We’re enjoying it very much,” Sam told the publication. Before adding, “We do want more kids.”

With a wedding looming Snez, who already has ten-year-old daughter Eve from a previous relationship, says she doesn’t mind if she’s a pregnant bride.

“I mean, whatever happens first, happens first,” Snezana revealed.

There’s no doubt the pair would make amazing parents with Sam already forming a close bond with Eve.

It’s certainly not the first time the clucky couple have addressed their desires to start a family.

When Woman’s Day caught up with the love birds shortly after last year’s finale in September, they admitted they couldn’t wait to take things to the next level.

He’s a natural! Sam has already formed a close bond with Snez’s daughter, Eve.

“Neither of us can believe in the ridiculous way we’ve managed to find each other. I adore kids and can’t wait to have a family with Snez,” Sam told us.

However logistically speaking, the duo still have a few plans to figure out.

Despite purchasing a $1.56 million, three-bedroom home in Melbourne’s Elsternwick in January, Snezana and Eve are yet to move in.

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Kyle Sandilands lashes out at claims radio show ‘tricks listeners’

Radio host Kyle Sandilands has angrily reacted to claims that his program KIISFM recycles old content.

Jackie O has addressed the public backlash against Karl, revealing many women can sympathise with Cassandra.

Yesterday news.com.au caught out KIISFM’s Kyle and Jackie O Show segment for recycling entire shows with old content and failing to tell listeners.

It was yesterday’s breakfast segment that was in question – failing to give a heads-up to listeners, the program reused content including an interview with The Voice coach Benji Madden and John Stamos, plus the show’s $10,000 pop quiz.

It was discovered that the radio network used this ‘Best of’ content because Kyle had called in sick last minute.

They have previously been accused of doing the same thing – using old content but not making it clear to listeners.

This morning however, Kyle angrily lashed out at these claims, saying they were ‘”lies” and “trying to make us look like a**holes”.

“Over the past few weeks I have had a couple of days off, I haven’t been feeling that well and it goes on and off, some days good, some days not good.”

Kyle then added he’s struggling to deal with the death of his dad who sadly passed away in March.

“I just wanted to keep it private but I’ve got to put it out there now ’cause I don’t want all the doom and gloom and everyone worried and people making up stories.”

A listener named David called the show and said: “Kyle you’re allowed to have sick days. Can I just say a tip though? Can we just with the replays, maybe not play the two-day-old ones? Can we just play them a month later or something?”

A confused Kyle responded with, “What sort of a lazy person played a two-day old one?”

This news comes as Jackie O was forced to make an on-air apology last week to defamatory comments made about Parramatta Eels player Kieran Foran.

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Five surprise foods that will actually help you lose weight

Can you imagine a world where consuming food made you to lose weight?
Kate Winslet

Well, imagine no more!

We’ve just uncovered five surprise foods that you’ll be dying to sink your teeth into… and conveniently, it won’t sink your scales.

As surprising as it may sound, there are some things you can eat that will help increase your metabolism, trigger hormones that release fat, and even eliminate toxins that can make it difficult for you to shed that extra weight.

Of course, these items aren’t miracle cures (so you’ll still need to put down the bucket of chicken and pound the pavement).

But with a healthy diet, you might just find things will start moving and shaking in the right direction.

Oh boy, Prince Harry serving us oysters… Twist my arm!

OYSTERS

If you hold the champagne, oysters happen to be a very friendly delight.

They are the richest dietary source of zinc, which helps to decrease the appetite and PMS-induced cravings. Plus six oysters clock in a mere 50 calories!

We’d recommend having them raw with a squeeze of lemon.

CINNAMON

Before you pick up the cinnamon doughnut, we are talking about the spice.

This multi-purpose spice helps move glucose into the cells faster, which means your using less insulin, which is the fat storage hormone.

Adding cinnamon to black coffee makes it delicious, or why not sprinkle some on your morning oats… Talk about yum!

Just because cinnamon is on the list, it does not mean you can indulge in mince pies. Use it as a sugar substitute in your coffee.

AVOCADO

Well, we all know avocados are actually perfect. On toast, on pizza, or on its own… They are always perfect.

And also really good for you. In addition to containing lots of heart-healthy mono-unsaturated fats, avocados are a brilliant source of filling fibre (11 to 17 grams each). This means they are great at keeping you fuller for longer!

Just make sure you don’t go over half a cup daily.

Watch some avocado inspiration in the player below. Post continues…

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PARMIGIANO-REGGIANO CHEESE

You’ve read this correctly, cheese is in fact good for you.

Time to skip indulging with your fatty soft cheeses like brie, and instead opt for an equally as yummy, low-calorie and calcium-rich hard cheese, parmigiano-reggiano cheese.

According to researchers at the University of Wisconsin, it activates the body’s fat-burning hormones. And thanks to its high protein content — it contains more than any other dairy product — you’ll stay full longer!

COLD-COOKED POTATOES

The only thing more shocking that cheese, has to be the golden spud.

Research has shown that cooking and then cooling potatoes before you eat them leads to the retrograde formation of resistant starch.

So what does this mean?

Resistant starch helps improve insulin stabilisation and it enhances satiety – which are two important factors in increasing fat loss.

Excuse us, need to find some potato salad.

Not just an adorable head…

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Thermomix appliances responsible for 87 burns cases

A new report has alleged that the company “attempted to blame victims and downplay the dangers” of the cooking appliance.

WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES BELOW

The popular cooking appliance Thermomix has been responsible for a whopping 87 burns cases.

The shocking numbers have been collated by consumer advocacy group Choice, who discovered that 18 of these cases needed treatment, and eight people needed to be hospitalised – some of which were in the special burns unit for up to three weeks.

The Thermomix products identified in these cases were TM31 and TM5.

According to a mass incident report studied by Choice, 83 of the incidents were from the TM31 model and four were from the TM5.

There were also complaints of 26 occasions of near misses of hot liquid when the appliance exploded, but no one was hurt.

Customers had been making serious complaints about the TM31 at least a whole year before the product was put on the national recall list, according to Choice.

Choice’s Tom Godfrey said: “Based on the incidents identified in our report, it appears Thermomix should have made at least two mandatory reports before October 2014 and another eight after that date.”

“A responsible company should have acted quickly to address any dangers with products but based on consumer reports Thermomix Australia took more than a year between initial notification and recall.”

The ACCC’s mandatory reporting guidelines state that within two days of becoming aware of a serious injury from the product, the manufacturer must provide written notice to Federal Minister for Consumer Affairs.

Choice started investigating further when it was discovered that the Thermomix company was forcing customers into non-disclosure agreements before they granted them refunds.

On the release of this report, Choice is urging ACCC to issue a safety warning on the appliance.

Godfrey added: “These reports also allege the company has attempted to blame victims and downplay the danger this product presents.”

“It is deeply concerning that, in a number of cases, when the company was informed of an incident they blamed the consumer by classifying the product’s failure as ‘user error’.”

In March, multiple cases of Thermomix explosions came to light with serious injuries for those in the firing line, including a Perth mum who suffered second-degree burns to her chest, arms and stomach (seen below).

A Thermomix spokesman responded in a statement, saying that “the safety, welfare and support” of its customers was their “highest priority”.

“Thermomix in Australia (TiA) and Vorwerk, the manufacturer, are aware of the allegations made in CHOICE’s report to the ACCC,” he said.

“We have always fully cooperated with the ACCC and will continue to do so.”

“We do not wish to prejudice the outcome of the ACCC’s review of matters reported to it by commenting further at this time.”

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Farmers’ markets: The most frightful F-word of all

If a cauliflower is $22 and the grapes are more expensive than gold, Amanda Blair knows she’s shopping at the local farmers’ market.

Sometimes a humble humour columnist needs to step up to the plate. For 83 years, The Australian Women’s Weekly has guided you through the minefields of family life – fashion foibles, finger food and forbidden pleasures.

Today, on behalf of the magazine, it’s my responsibility steer you through another F-word – farmers’ markets.

Just like the poodle perm in the mid-1980s, they’ve sprung up everywhere, and just like that unfortunate perm it can all go horribly wrong.

There are unspoken rules about farmers’ market participation and this is the first time somebody has been brave enough to speak out. At least it’s the first time somebody has been brave enough to speak out on this page, in this column, in The Weekly.

1.Get a shopping trolley, preferably one of those groovy, vinyl ones from the 1970s with the paisley pattern and the cute white wheels. You can pick them up for about $12,890 on eBay and believe me, it’s worth it. You’ll stand out, people will talk, you’ll be asked questions about its history. Lie. Tell them you’ve had it for years because “you’ve always shopped the environmentally friendly way”.

2.Packing protocol: When packing aforementioned trolley with farmers’ market items, remember – pumpkin and potatoes at the bottom; rolled loin of pork hand-stuffed with semi-dried artichokes soaked in verjuice and seared over local coal fires, middle. Then albino broccoli picked fresh that morning from a hillside market garden shaded by a canopy of gums, top. Purchase a baguette and a large bunch of celery and shove it on the very top of the trolley for everybody to see. Remember, going to a farmers’ market is just like getting a role in Home And Away – looks are everything.

3.Ask questions. FM shoppers need to know the provenance of every item. Where, when and how it was grown. They want the results of soil tests, and the emotional state and astrology signs of the organic free-range chooks. Growers/breeders are reluctant to sell produce unless it’s going to a home where it will be appreciated, so drop words like quinoa, spelt and bone broth into the conversation and their celeriac will be in your sack, pronto.

4.Never mention plastic. When offered a bag for your biotic bunch of kale, firmly and politely refuse. Instead, pull out a string or hessian bag and while doing so, casually mention that you’re saving dolphins from choking, one bag at a time. Shoot all other shoppers a look of condescension. Really practise this look because you’ll use it often here.

5.Uphold the uniform – comfortable slacks in hemp or natural fibres, long shirt, straw hat, grey short hair, red glasses and, if really trying, matching Birkenstock sandals. Don’t forget the membership lanyard for the 5 per cent off. If it’s expired, but you’re still wanting the discount, do

as I do and tell the stallholder you left your lanyard at home in the laundry basket and blame “the menopause”. This action singlehandedly dispels the notion that menopause is good for nothing.

But ladies, despite my five assured steps to success, it will still end badly. Upon returning home, the three double chai lattes you ingested will rise in your throat.

Sure, you had a good time, you loved the buskers and the atmosphere, and all those cheese and olive samples and the “je ne sais quoi”.

But you’ll look at your bunch of celery, wheel of organic brie and baguette laid out on the bench and then at your empty purse and, like Peggy Lee, ask, “Is that all there is?”

Like her, s’pose you’ll just have to break out the booze and have a ball … provided, of course, it’s organic.

This story originally appeared in the May 2015 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

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Shelley Craft: Why it pays to be nice

Nice guys don’t always finish last, and Shelley Craft is living proof.

Shelley Craft is like a smiley face sprung to life – even when she has been dragged out of bed before dawn.

Byron Bay is still waking up this morning as her two little girls flit around the hotel room and her husband surfs at Wategos Beach nearby, but Shelley chats away in the make-up chair, every bit as warm and sunny as her on-screen persona.

“There’s no demarcation,” says her husband, Christian Sergiacomi.

A former cameraman, “Serge” fell in love with Shelley’s “permanent bubbliness” and suspects it’s why so many Australians like her, too.

“The most common thing I hear is, ‘You just know that off-camera she’s going to be normal’.”

Shelley has made a career out of that girl-next-door normality, from her first TV appearance as an effervescent 18-year-old, wearing an ice-cream bucket on her head and talking about magpie-bombing season on Saturday Disney.

She has kept it light ever since, presenting on shows such as The Great Outdoors, Australia’s Funniest Home Videos and The Block.

Niceness, it seems, is her calling card. “If there is any cynicism or ego, she keeps it in check,” says the editor of website TV Tonight, David Knox. “Insiders say you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who has a bad word about her.”

Perhaps Shelley is that rare thing: a happy, well-adjusted TV star.

She describes herself as “vanilla”, but it’s probably the secret of her success.

“I guess I was trained from a very early age,” she says, “that when you do say something, it will be judged.” It pays to be inoffensive on TV and Shelley isn’t the type to make waves anyway.

These days, though, Shelley says she’s less likely to sit on the fence; motherhood has helped her discover who she is and ushered in a more thoughtful version of herself.

“I’m getting better at not just saying what I think, but actually thinking at all,” she says. “I’m liking discovering what I do and don’t like, what upsets me and what doesn’t. People have said, ‘Gee, you’re a lot harder on The Block than you ever were before.’ It’s because I feel I’m allowed to speak my mind more. I don’t need to apologise for who I am or what I do. And there’s a lovely freedom that comes with that.”

As she nears her 40th birthday in June, Shelley says she has never felt more at ease with herself.

“I’m not controversial – I’ve always had lovely, light roles – so being a mum is probably the most serious job I’ve ever had to fulfil and that’s given me a real sense of self,” she says. “It’s allowed me to grow up. I’ve always been the happy, smiley one, and you can’t always be like that in motherhood. It’s taken me a little while to adjust to that, to not just being their friend or the fun one, but that role of responsibility.”

On the beach, the photo shoot is stretching into its fourth hour and the girls are understandably over it. As three-year-old Eadie clings to Mummy, Milla, five, makes a run for it and tries to scale a nearby tree. Shelley snaps into discipline mode: “Milla, now! Get down!”

Shelley, who calls herself a “pretty tough” mum, jokes, “I only need to yell once and I will use that power.” Her own mother, she recalls, could silence Shelley and her three siblings with just a look. She’s working on that.

When Eadie was a baby, Shelley told The Weekly she was aiming for four kids – which was news to Serge. They have since decided to stop at two.

“Time is so precious and so limited for us that I really couldn’t do it to the girls, let alone Serge,” says Shelley. “[The girls] are great friends and I didn’t want to mess with that dynamic either. I’m one of four and it occurred to me that Mum and Dad ended up sort of being overseers. We’re a tight unit of four and we’re a really good team.”

For the past seven years, they have made their home in Byron Bay, the balmy seaside town in northern NSW beloved by backpackers and hippies.

Shelley’s work life, however, isn’t quite as Zen, with the self-confessed workaholic travelling for her TV roles and brand endorsements – and now a kids’ entertainment band called Animals Rock.

Shelley recently started touring with local musician Beau Young and a bunch of life-size animal mascots, rocking out to tunes such as Moo Moo Cows and The Happy Horse.

“I was ready to live out my inner rock-star fantasies,” says Shelley. “I love being scared to death and performing on stage, even in front of three-year-olds, is damn scary.”

So are TV ratings. The second season of Reno Rumble, featuring Shelley and her Block co-host Scott Cam, launched last month to disappointing numbers, which means producers of The Block’s upcoming 12th season will be feeling the heat.

When the series starts filming in May, Shelley will commute from Byron Bay to Melbourne three days a week, returning each night to be home with her family.

“When I am away, I know [the girls] do feel it,” she says. “I always thought kids could just go with the flow, but there’s also a point where they need consistency and routine.”

Something had to give – which is why the couple canned a renovation on a spectacular hilltop property they bought three years ago.

They recently sold the house and moved closer to town instead. Real-life renovations are far more painful and prolonged than the TV versions, Shelley says, and they already had their hands full with two kids and a 52kg Rhodesian Ridgeback called Aldo.

Without a live-in nanny or family help nearby, Serge is the one who carries a lot of the domestic workload. “I couldn’t do motherhood without him,” says Shelley.

Now a local real estate agent, Serge takes calls throughout the shoot, in between helping his daughters into their outfits.

“Give me a swish,” says the burly, ex-professional rugby player, wiggling his hips, and Milla does a twirl. Apparently Serge’s only parental failing is his incompetence with plaits and ballet buns.

“Once we had the girls, that was it – he was in love,” says Shelley. “It’s beautiful to watch and it makes you even more in love with that person when they can have that soft side.”

Shelley and Serge, who were in the same year at neighbouring private schools in Brisbane, both worked on The Great Outdoors and were friends for years before they got together.

“He saw the real me,” says Shelley, “long before we ever hooked up.” Serge recalls one work trip when he found Shelley had clambered deep inside the coach’s cargo hold early one morning to help the bus driver load the luggage.

“[With Shelley] it’s always about everyone else,” says Serge. “The beautiful blonde locks and big blue eyes obviously help, but you can have that and not have any soul … We are definitely best friends. We just know each other so well, and there’s huge trust and respect, too.”

Keen to make time for each other, the pair tries to meet for a coffee or surf during the day, and recently spent four nights together in Fiji – their first trip away from the kids since Milla’s birth.

Marriage, however, shouldn’t be hard work. “You need to work through certain things, but the actual marriage should never come into question,” says Shelley, who split from her first husband, marketing man Brett De Billinghurst, in 2007.

“There is a point in a marriage where you’re either going to get through it or you’re not, but if it’s a good marriage I don’t think that line ever comes up – and if it’s not right, you probably innately know that.”

Conscious of her own good fortune, Shelley has become a patron of RizeUp Australia, an organisation founded by her ex-sister-in-law, Nicolle Edwards, which helps furnish new homes for family violence victims. Although Shelley hasn’t experienced domestic violence first-hand, she has close friends who have.

“Choosing the wrong partner is sometimes just plain bad luck – and you’re too far in before you realise that,” she says. “To feel in fear of your life standing in your own kitchen while you’re making your kids’ dinner is something that no one should ever have to feel.”

Shelley hopes that a loving, supportive dad will help her daughters grow into strong, confident women. Most of all, she wants to teach them to be happy with who they are. “If my girls can grow up comfortable in their own skin, without too many hang-ups, I will be a happy old lady,” she says.

Personally, says Shelley, she has never understood the obsession with body image or the compulsion to compare oneself to an unrealistic ideal. “It’s just not on my radar,” she says. “I’ve never dieted.” She rarely wears make-up and hasn’t tried Botox either. “I just don’t see any need. I work with a bunch of tradies! The day Scott Cam gets Botox, I’ll get Botox – so I think I’m pretty safe.”

She seems to revel in her ordinariness; when people ask her on social media about her wardrobe, for example, she’s proud she can direct them to Witchery or Sportsgirl. “I don’t walk around with designer handbags,” she says.

“It’s lovely to be that everyday mum and I hope that’s how people relate to me.”

As soon as the interview is over, Shelley wastes no time wiping off her make-up. Back in her board shorts, one of Australia’s best-known faces gathers up her girls and heads for the beach.

This story originally appeared in the May 2015 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

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The truth about Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall

The hasty marriage of billionaire media tycoon Rupert Murdoch to former supermodel – and Mick Jagger ex – Jerry Hall stunned the world. But is the union as strange as it seems?

On the evening of their wedding, Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall flew by private jet to the south of France and headed for Saint-Paul de Vence, an ancient hill village, which, when you’re an 85-year-old bridegroom, can come as something of a shock.

The narrow, cobbled streets are as steep as the local prices, and as Deputy Mayor Nadine Gastaud explains, “Everyone has to walk. We banned cars in the 14th century”.

If Rupert was looking faintly distraught by the time he and Jerry had puffed their way to the sun-dappled summit, it was perhaps because the significance of their honeymoon destination had started to dawn on him.

Saint-Paul is a Jerry haunt from the hedonistic heyday of The Rolling Stones era. The band first arrived in the area in the ’70s to work on their classic Exile On Main Street album. Bill Wyman, the Stones’ ex-bass player, a guest at the wedding, still has a house nearby, and Mick Jagger, Jerry’s ex-husband, and his co-frontman, Keith Richards, are long-time regulars at the celebrated La Colombe d’Or restaurant.

That Jerry chose a honeymoon destination so steeped in past associations – and that Rupert went along with it – offers an intriguing insight into the dynamics of their new marriage.

Ever since she definitively split from Jagger 17 years ago, Jerry, a stalwart of the British celebrity interview circuit, has been insisting that she had no need for another man in her life.

“I’ve got four children and that’s enough,” she told me a few years ago, “and I’ve got my own money and I’m still working, and I don’t need anyone telling me what to do.”

Occasionally – as is Jerry’s way – she would say the exact opposite, bemoaning the unfortunate plight of women left to grow old alone.

So it has always been hard to know what Jerry is really thinking. As Lynn Barber, an eminent British interviewer, says, “Any time I quoted anything from one of her previous interviews, she denied having said it.”

Well, that’s one way to keep your life story fresh. And Jerry has quite a life story. Raised in a dreary Texas town, the daughter of an alcoholic truck driver, she became a teenage model, reigned over the catwalks of Paris and Milan, married and divorced the world’s most libidinous rock star, and now, at the age of 59, has landed its most powerful media tycoon.

When news of her romance with Rupert broke, the general view was that Jerry must have made the running. She awoke to a barrage of unchivalrous headlines, along the lines of, “So what first attracted you to your billionaire boyfriend, Miss Hall?”

To many who have followed Jerry’s remarkable career, it seemed obvious that becoming Mrs Murdoch was merely the latest of her many re-inventions. The truth, though, may be different.

Rupert, the product of a famously close and successful marriage, has never even pretended to enjoy being single. Michael Wolff, author of a recent biography of the tycoon, describes him as a man whose need for companionship and emotional security completely contradicts the ruthless, uncompromising approach he brings to business.

His four marriages, dating back to 1956, have run more or less seamlessly, with the only significant gap being the three years between his 2013 divorce from wife No. 3, Wendi Deng, and his March marriage to Jerry.

Wolff points to Rupert’s daughter Elisabeth’s view that her father is easily dominated by women, describing him as a “conventionally henpecked husband” whose main matrimonial priority is to avoid conflict.

His wives have shaped his character, his life and, to some extent, his career, in ways that even Rupert doesn’t fully realise. At the same time, says Wolff, he is a man of real passion, “who has known the deepest hell of repressed desire”.

It is tempting to say that this is a male condition familiar to Jerry. Except that Jagger didn’t bother to repress it. In the end, his prodigious infidelities broke them up, although they remain on good terms. “Mick is a wonderful person,” Jerry says. “He slept with lots of other people, which was horrible. Otherwise, he was perfect.”

In fact, Jerry has been remarkably forgiving of all the significant men in her life, including Bryan Ferry, the Roxy Music singer, even though he hasn’t spoken to her since she broke off their engagement almost 40 years ago.

And Warwick Hemsley, a dapper Australian property tycoon whom she fell for while appearing as Mrs Robinson in a stage production of The Graduate. They parted – apparently over his reluctance to settle in London – after a two-year relationship. “He is a lovely man, I had the most wonderful time,” she declared.

It isn’t as though Jerry doesn’t have the ammo. Mick Jagger and Bryan Ferry were both vain, tactless and, shall we say, careful with the cash. So careful that Mick allegedly tried to reduce the size of her divorce payment by claiming that they had never been properly married, while Bryan, according to Jerry, once didn’t call her for a month while he was on a tour of the Far East “because he said it was too expensive”.

Immediately after her wedding to Rupert it was reported that Mick, 72, was trying to evict Jerry from the magnificent London home they once shared, on the grounds that her settlement only allowed her to stay there until she remarried. The story was untrue, although I understand ownership of the place will now be made over to the Jagger children.

Not that Jerry should have any accommodation worries. Rupert’s portfolio of properties includes homes in California, New York, the Rocky Mountains, London and Melbourne. The big question is not where the newlyweds will live, but how.

And with what unforeseeable consequences?

Attached as he is to the concept of marriage, it would be hard to argue that Rupert has been a good husband. His first wife, Patricia Booker, a Melbourne airline stewardess, weathered disapproval from the Murdoch clan, only to be abandoned 11 years later for Anna Torv, a young Sydney journalist.

Their marriage lasted over 30 years and seemed destined to go the distance – until Anna began lobbying Rupert to retire. No greater heresy is imaginable in the mind of a man who declared only half-jokingly after being cleared of prostate cancer, “I believe I am immortal”.

Instead of slowing down, Rupert convinced himself that he needed an even faster lifestyle. One without the encumbrance of the sensible, down-to-earth Anna. “I thought we had a wonderfully happy marriage,” she mused later. “Obviously, I was wrong.”

Enter Wendi Deng, a one-time waitress in a Los Angeles noodle parlour, with what Vogue described

as “the kind of looks usually reserved for a James Bond villainess”.

The suspicions that surround Rupert’s dealings settled on the theory he married her to advance his Chinese business interests. Yet they had two daughters and for some time the relationship seemed to invigorate him. Well before they separated in 2013, though, Rupert was complaining he was lonely and depressed, and on the pretext that she had become too close to former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Wendi was shuffled out of his life.

Any Murdoch marriage has dynastic implications and Jerry has arrived at a particularly awkward time. Tensions within Rupert’s family have barely eased since the British phone-hacking scandal five years ago almost brought down his entire empire.

The fall-out exposed serious rifts between his sons, Lachlan, 44, and James, 43 – the two main candidates for the eventual succession – and their smart, influential sister, Elisabeth, 47.

“The big issue in the whole Murdoch cosmos is where Rupert goes from here,” says one of Murdoch’s former London editors with close ties to the company. “No one seriously imagines he’s going to retire, but there’s a kind of polite impatience at his reluctance to concede more power. If Jerry Hall can help nudge Rupert into a quieter life, I think certain people will be very grateful. If she perks him up, so to speak, there’s going to be trouble.”

She will certainly bring a new edge to Rupert’s life. There’s an endearingly old-fashioned streak in Jerry that comes from her small-town American upbringing and which, one suspects, has never sat comfortably with the whole louche, rock star world she rather improbably ended up in. She was raised, one of five sisters, in a pink bungalow in Mesquite, Texas, a down-on-its-luck town best known for rodeo and barbecue joints.

Jerry’s mother, Marjorie, was obsessed with Gone With The Wind, the Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh movie epic of the Old South, which she watched endlessly, and her daughters were, as Jerry put it, “raised girlie”, in a semi-fantastical world of whispering white ballgowns and rock-jawed beaux.

Their father, John, by contrast, appeared to come straight out of a roadhouse blues album – a truck driver who drank and then dosed on uppers to keep himself awake. “He’d beat us up,” Jerry once said. “Sometimes he used to beat us with a belt so bad that we’d have black and blue welts on our legs and couldn’t go to school. But we never felt we were abused. In our town, lots of kids were beat up.”

She never felt beautiful either and, after school, took a short-lived job at an ice-cream parlour. Things took an unexpected turn for the better when, after being injured in a car accident, she received $800 in compensation and decided to spend it on a trip to Paris. She was a tall, 16-year-old blonde, glowing with Texan wholesomeness, and once she had landed a temporary job in a cabaret revue, it was only a matter of time before a model agency scout spotted her.

She met the glossily coiffured Bryan Ferry when she posed in a mermaid’s costume for the cover of Roxy Music’s album Siren, but swiftly and fatefully moved on to Mick, a man who seemed to think monogamy was something you made dining tables out of.

While the rock world wasn’t really hers – she says she never took drugs and hated touring – she was grateful for the privileged life it gave her and her loyalty to Mick is no act.

Eight years ago, she agreed to write her autobiography for an advance fee of almost $1 million, but when the publishers demanded she dish more dirt on Jagger, she sent the money back.

Jerry says she is happiest at home with her children and particularly in the garden, where she keeps chickens and grows her own organic vegetables.

“I suppose I’m very English now,” she once told me. “It’s home. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.”

Shortly afterwards, she told another publication, “The weather in Britain sucks. I wouldn’t choose to live in England really, but my kids are English so I’m stuck here.”

Unlike the fretful younger Murdochs, Jerry’s children – models Elizabeth, 32, and Georgia May, 24, actor James, 30, and aspiring artist Gabriel, 18, are said to be “relaxed and happy” about the prospect of having Rupert Murdoch as their stepdad.

Once the dizziness of their romance wears off, the newlyweds, who only began dating last October, will face the task of really getting to know each other.

Can they make it work? Author William Shawcross, a long-time confidant of Rupert’s, is convinced that the omens are good, saying, “He’s very happy, he’s completely in love”, while Jerry says her new husband is “completely wonderful”.

According to another Murdoch associate, “what Rupert’s really been looking for all these years is not so much a wife as a First Lady. Someone who will run his life in private and be at his side in public. I have a feeling Jerry might be quite good at it.”

The choice of honeymoon destination came as an early pointer to what kind of marriage this might be. Not only does Rupert have a dim opinion of France – seeing it as a den of socialists and bureaucrats – but he had hoped to spend the time cruising on his 70-metre super-yacht, Vertigo.

By the time they had scaled the high hill with its spectacular views over Provence, he possibly had altitude sickness anyway. In the meantime, Jerry would do well to keep her feet firmly on the ground.

This story originally appeared in the May 2015 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

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We divorced then fell in love again

Reuniting with your ex is not just something celebrities do. We talk to couples who are finding that love second time around can be a beautiful thing.

Di Pollitt never imagined that she would be the other woman – and certainly not to her ex-husband.

Yet there she was, on a boat in Sydney Harbour, having just dropped her youngest son at a school formal, telling the man she had split from a decade earlier that she still loved him.

By then, Grant was in a long-term relationship with another woman. “He just said, ‘You what?’,” Di, 58, recalls, laughing. “And after that we started seeing each other on the quiet.”

Fast forward eight years and Grant and Di are a happily reunited couple, once again sharing their lives with their three grown-up children and two young grandchildren.

Their story may sound odd – especially to those who would sooner poke an eye out than reunite with their ex – but studies overseas show that between 6 and 10 per cent of divorcees end up patching things up, and experts in Australia suspect the figure may be even higher.

“Whatever it was that attracted a couple to the point of getting married in the first place will often re-emerge if the circumstances are right in the future,” says Kim Halford, a professor at the University of Queensland’s School of Psychology.

“The situation that led to the break-up may have changed. For example, an affair may be over or the day-to-day grind of balancing work and family may have gotten easier as children have grown up. Those changing circumstances may reignite that initial attraction.”

You only need to look at the celebrity world to realise Di and Grant are far from alone in their cycle of divorce and reconciliation. Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton are the most famous couple to redo their “I do”, while Lana Turner and Stephen Crane, Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner, Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, Judith Sheindlin (Judge Judy) and Jerry Sheindlin, Marie Osmond and Stephen Craig, Eminem and Kim Mathers, and Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon have also had a second shot at wedded bliss, with varying degrees of success.

In January, the singer Phil Collins revealed that he and his third ex-wife, Orianne Cevey, were back together again after an eight-year separation and $47 million divorce.

“Well, you know, we realised we made a mistake,” Phil said in an interview. “It’s simple – we missed each other.”

Di Pollitt can relate. After a decade apart from Grant, now 63, she realised to her surprise that she missed him and the life they had shared.

“We were a pretty well admired family in the community,” Di recalls. “Three beautiful children, a perfect marriage, a beautiful house. When it all went to custard, everyone was like, ‘Not them! What happened?’”

Di spent the lead-up to their reconciliation asking herself the same question. At the time of her split, she had felt so certain that she wanted out of their 17-year marriage.

“I was trying to force Grant away,” she admits. “I don’t know what it was. I had something in my head that didn’t want to be married to Grant anymore.”

Yet as time passed and she watched Grant’s loving interactions with their three children, she realised he was not to blame for their relationship breakdown.

Professor Halford says Di’s experience is not unusual. “When people are separating, they frequently decide that there is only one reason that their relationship is a mess and that’s their partner,” he says. “But, across time, people come to a more balanced view.”

A recent study asked couples who had just separated to explain the reasons for the breakdown in their relationship and then to repeat the task six months later.

“When people have had time to reflect with the benefit of an extra six months, they no longer just blame their partner, but also talk about their own contribution to the problems in the relationship, as well as the circumstances impacting the couple, such as financial or work difficulties,” Professor Halford says.

“They move from saying, ‘It’s all because he had an affair’ to ‘Well, we hadn’t been getting on and our sex life was terrible and we were so emotionally distant that maybe it’s understandable that he felt so lonely’.”

This more “balanced and reasonable” explanation for the break-up, he says, can be the first step towards a reconciliation.

Anne Hollonds, Director of the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS), says many people are shocked to discover that they actually miss their ex-spouse once the anger and animosity of their divorce have subsided.

“They begin to wonder what they could have done differently and whether they may have made a mistake,” she says. “The pull of a shared history, especially when there are children involved, cannot be underestimated and so some couples do end up drifting back together.”

That’s exactly what happened with Brisbane couple Sally and Scott Taylor. They met at university when they were 18 and married six years later, in 1997. Yet on their ninth wedding anniversary, a day they should have celebrated, they separated, as the pressure of raising two young children took its toll.

“We went through the whole divorce process and split everything,” recalls Sally, 43. “We were both very angry and it was acrimonious, so it really wasn’t good for the first three years.”

Yet, as their circumstances changed, the frost began to thaw. Scott, now 44, ended a relationship with another woman and moved closer to where Sally was living with their sons, Jack, now 14, and Maxwell, 12. It seemed natural then that he stayed for dinner sometimes after dropping the boys back home. When Sally took their sons to their first international rugby game, she invited Scott along to share the experience.

He reciprocated by taking her and the boys to a concert and out on his boat. From there, it was a small step to celebrating the boys’ birthdays as a family again.

“It became apparent that getting back together was a possibility,” Sally says. “So, finally,

I just said, ‘What’s going on here? Are we looking to move this forward?’ ”

Even so, the couple took things slowly and kept their attempts at reconciliation a secret for the next

six months.

“There was no way in the world we wanted to give the boys false hope until we really knew that we could make things work,” Sally says. “We made it a ground rule that should we get back together, it was till serious death do us part. We were not going to put any of us through that goddamn awful situation of divorce ever again.”

Anne Hollonds says it is sensible for reconciling couples to proceed cautiously. “You need to give yourselves time to transition slowly in order to build a strong foundation for the future,” she says.

“Don’t make assumptions about the relationship just because it feels comfortable, like an old pair of slippers. You need to work out how you are going to deal with the issues that made you come unstuck in the first place.”

Anne says this ideally should be done with the help of a professional counsellor, especially when children are involved.

“It’s true that children generally do fantasise that their parents will get back together, but they also adjust to a new way of living when their parents separate. Reconciliation needs careful handling, especially if there have been other adults in the interim. The reconciliation could end up leaving children feeling insecure.”

Sally and Scott discovered this when, on Christmas Eve in 2011, they finally confided in their boys that they were back together.

“Their initial reaction was pure elation, but over the years, both boys have struggled with the situation at times,” Sally says. “There have been moments when they have been confused and terrified that we will remarry and then divorce again. Scott and I have explained that while there are no guarantees in life, this is not something we have gone into lightly. But the main thing is that we have encouraged them to keep talking to us about their feelings.”

On March 18, 19 years after they first wed, the pair remarried on the beach in Noosa. After Jack and Maxwell walked Sally down the aisle, she and Scott vowed to stay together, for keeps this time. “We were pledging it as much to the kids as to ourselves,” Sally says.

So what will they do differently this time? “If things are annoying us, we talk about it,” says Sally, adding that they have sought professional help to improve their communication skills.

“The first time, we didn’t acknowledge the pressures we were under or how those pressures were making us feel and what we could do to compensate. Instead of sitting there and working out what the problem was, our prides and egos got involved. In retrospect, we didn’t try hard enough.”

Sally and Scott are not alone in regretting their divorce. Studies overseas have found that one-quarter of couples end up wishing they had worked harder to save their marriage. Although there are no such statistics in Australia, Professor Halford says many people who believe the grass will be greener as singles end up disappointed.

“Many severely regret ending the relationship,” he says. “They are at risk of getting depressed when they recognise they have made a mistake and their lives haven’t magically improved.”

Anne says logistics, financial pressures and exhaustion can all exacerbate that sense of regret, especially when children are involved. “It’s very difficult to be a single parent, responsible for all the child care, the house, the job and the mortgage. And if you meet someone else, trying to blend two families and their schedules can be very challenging. You might end up longing for the simplicity of your former life.”

Di agrees. Since grandchildren have arrived, she relishes the joy and love she and Grant feel for them. “I don’t know what it would be like to have a blended family,” she says. “One of our grandchildren looks exactly like Grant. I would be horrified if I missed out on sharing that joy with him, if he was sharing that with someone else.”

Yet their tale may not be quite as peculiar as we think. American science writer Rachel Clark, who remarried her ex-husband in 2009, argues in her blog that all marriages involve mini-splits and reconciliations.

“People in long-term healthy marriages experience many divorces over the course of their lifetimes, it’s just that they never leave and they remarry each other,” she says. “People always grow and change over time, asking us to make room for healthy change in our marriages if we wish to keep the benefits of such long-term partnerships.

“We may find that we divorce our ‘old’ partners and start new, healthier relationships with our ‘new partners’, without ever leaving home.”

This story originally appeared in the May 2015 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly.

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2016 Cannes Film Festival red carpet

Celebrities flocked to the red carpet in spectacular style for the opening of the Cannes Film Festival.

The 69th annual Cannes Festival got underway last night in spectacular style.

Hollywood’s finest gathered on the red carpet at Palais des Festivals et des Congrès looking oh-so-glamorous.

It was the opening ceremony of the film festival in the French Riviera town, and A-listers looked stunning while celebrating the screening of Woody Allen’s film Cafe Society.

The red carpet saw the likes of Julianne Moore, Naomi Watts, Eva Longoria and Kristen Stewart, but it was the film’s leading lady Blake Lively (who’s got a baby on the way with Ryan Reynolds) who stole the show in her glittering gown.

Click through to see the all the glamorous red carpet looks.

Jessica Chastain

Blake Lively

Naomi Watts

Eva Longoria

Justin Timberlake

Anna Kendrick

Victoria Beckham

Julianne Moore

Doutzen Kroes

L-R: Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Woody Allen, Blake Lively, Corey Stoll

Kirsten Dunst

Bella Hadid

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