It is a known fact that couples who have regular sex have a deeper level of intimacy which spills over into every aspect of their relationship.
Improving your sexual performance isn’t about wowing your partner and swinging from the chandeliers whilst wearing see-through leopard underwear, it’s far simpler than that.
You can be better in bed by allowing yourself to feel more and experience more pleasure.
Communication
The root of all good relationships, in and out of the bedroom, is communication (no pun intended.)
Most people are a little shy about discussing sexual desires because it makes you feel vulnerable. A major part of intimacy is being vulnerable to your partner so in order to create a stronger sexual bond you need to be open and honest about your feelings about sex, what you wish your sex life was like, and how you would like to achieve it.
Communicating whilst in the sack is also important. Our partners aren’t mind readers so just gently guide them to what you want and you may be surprised at the response. You will probably discover that it’s a major turn on for both of you when you express your desires. It’s sexy and empowering.
Getting in the mood
Kids to bed, cleaning the kitchen and watching The Walking Dead are not particularly sexy things, so if you’re thinking tonight would be a good night to get some intimacy and romance rocking in your relationship then why not try romancing yourself and/or your partner a little?
Take a bath, together or solo. Light some candles and as you wash be really present with your body. Allow yourself to awaken your senses. When you towel off, be aware of how the towel feels against your skin, maybe apply some lotion if you feel like it.
DOING sexy things helps you feel sexy.
Know what you like
If you don’t know what get your rockets flying then how is someone else going to work it out?
Understanding the nuances of your body is important for two reasons … one because it’s your body, and two, because it’s really fun.
I’ve long been a massive advocate of self-pleasure because it’s awesome for stress relief, but it’s also an indispensable way in which to help you get in touch with your body, and specifically, what turns you on. It’s your body, just like you can pick your nose if you want, you can touch your secret places any way you please and take them out for a test drive.
Maybe even try doing it in front of your partner if you really want to blow their hair back.
Releasing inhibitions
We all have insecurities, especially after babies. Our tummies don’t look the same, our boobs are heading south, maybe we even wonder if our vagina is different after it stretched wide enough to accommodate a steam train, but I have something very important to tell you-
Your partner doesn’t care about the bits you don’t like. They see the bits they like.
They’re so stoked to be getting action that for them all your soft, squishy, swingy, possibly furry bits are all exciting because they feel and smell like you. And that ‘you’ stuff turns your partner on.
Confidence has been voted as sexier than boobs and butts in many a survey, so tell that inner critic to beat it because you’re about to get laid.
Let go of shame
Lots of women experience feelings of shame around their sexuality. It has long been a myth that men are more sexual than women. It’s not true.
Women’s sexuality is a little more complex, but we are equally sexual. Sex is a beautiful and natural part of life, and the cheapest and most fun way to pass the time. It is something to be celebrated, not be ashamed of.
Doing it even if you don’t feel like it
Controversial, I know, bear with me. Sometimes we think we’re not in the mood, but once you start doing the sexy stuff you realise that you can get in the spirit of things. I know you’re tired, and I know you may be stressed or over it but having sex leads to wanting sex. And having some sex, leads to wanting more sex.
The longer you leave it, the harder it is to get on the horse, and then the little piece of intimacy ribbon that holds you guys firm unravels and you piss each other off easier. When you’re feeling the intimacy feelings, you feel the love feelings and the toilet seat and the shoes in the lounge won’t bother you as much.
Embracing your sensuality
Awesome sex is not something only some people are able to have. It’s possible for everyone to experience toe-curling, body-shaking pleasure but only when you embrace your sensuality and allow yourself to have the sexuality and sensuality you desire that it can really be yours.
Danielle Colley
**Danielle Colley is a writer, blogger and mum. She is a regular contributor to The Weekly and other online and print publications.
You can see more of Danielle on her blog, Keeping Up With The Holsbys, or her Facebook page facebook.com/keepingupwiththeholsbys.**
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