A two-year-old girl was indecently assaulted by her carer as he rocked her to sleep at a childcare centre in Sydney’s inner west.
Max Rowe, then 24, was allegedly caught in the act by a co-worker as she walked past a playroom in May 2015, copping a “clear and unobstructed” view of Rowe’s hand on the girl’s vagina area, outside her tights.
“Upon the door opening, the accused very quickly moved his hand away from the victim and turned his head in the direction of the co-worker,” police alleged in a statement tendered to Burwood Local Court.
The co-worker reported the incident to Family and Community Services and six days later, Child Abuse Squad detectives arrested and charged Rowe.
Rowe has pleaded not guilty to indecently assaulting someone under the age of 16 and is expected to face court later today.
Boosting your child’s intelligence has been proven to be quite simple, a study has found. So what does it come down to? A mother simply talking to her children.
Academics at Stanford University in California, US, found that just by hearing their mother’s voice, kids’ minds become more engaged.
It triggers neurons involved in emotion and reward processing, social functioning, detection of what is personally relevant and face recognition.
The researchers said this kind of brain activity could help determine the child’s social communication skills and shed light on autism.
Psychiatrist Dr Daniel Abrams and colleagues used MRI scanners on 24 healthy seven to 12 year-olds while their biological mothers and two other random women spoke “nonsense words” to them.
Hearing the mothers’ voices made an area in their brain crucial for emotion light up, and children’s social communication scores were predicted by the connections between the superior temporal sulcus and brain regions linked with emotion, memory, face perception and reward-related function.
The study, published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, is the first of its kind.
“Many of our social, language and emotional processes are learnt by listening to our mum’s voice,” Dr Abrams said.
“But surprisingly little is known about how the brain organises itself round this very important sound source.”
“We didn’t realise a mother’s voice would have such quick access to so many different brain systems.”
The IQ of the participants involved were at least 80, had no developmental disorders and all were being raised by their biological mothers.
“In this age range – where most children have good language skills – we didn’t want to use words that had meaning because that would have engaged a whole different set of circuitry in the brain,” Professor Venod Menon said.
When the children heard the women’s voices, even if they were less than a second long, they could still pick out their own mothers’ voices with greater than 97 per cent accuracy. It has been found that hearing their mum’s voice is an emotional comfort.
The study also linked to children gaining stronger social communication ability, which can help to understand autism.
The same researchers will be doing further studies on children with autism.
“Voice is one of the most important social communication cues. It’s exciting to see the echo of one’s mother’s voice lives on in so many brain systems,” professor Menon said.
Trending video: Woman becomes first Zumba instructor with Down syndrome
I was at an appointment with a Chinese practitioner recently and he noticed the Chinese symbol I have tattooed on my upper back.
Before anyone goes off on a cultural appropriation rant about my totes inappropes actions, I got this tattoo nearly 20 years ago before cultural appropriation was even a thing, apart from the fact that it’s obviously a huge thing even if 96.5% of people don’t completely understand it fully.
I’m now considering ancient languages so as not to offend. This sounds like I’m being a smart arse but I’m deadly serious. I’ve had some sanskrit tatts designed and I’m just deciding whether or not I actually want more tatts because these have to go on my arms.
“Is that a Chinese symbol?” he asked.
Yep
“Can I have a closer look?”
Sure
“What does that say?” he asked very slowly….
I told him the Chinese word, and then I translated it –
Integrity
“You think it says that?” he asked incredulously and my mind dashed to all of those pictures of dumb-ass bogans who get ridiculous tattoos without researching first.
“Are you saying it doesn’t?”
“Let me look again”
Then he laughed. And I laughed a nervous laugh because he was laughing and it could only have been eggier if one of us actually farted.
“Tell me!” I demanded.
The next few minutes were so awkward that they are hard to describe. He blushed, he tried to use his phone voice recognition and perform charades rather than actually speak the words.
I remember the exact moment I decided to get ‘integrity’ written on my body. I was on a bus in India. I spent a lot of time on buses for a few months in my early twenties and it gives you much time to reflect.
I had been thinking about the times I had been less than honest. I worked in bars, with drunk people everywhere and often I was drinking too, or worse.
Sometimes there was some loose ‘accounting’ that went down. Sometimes drunk people forget their change, or leave their wallet. I wasn’t always my best self in those moments.
One day one of my colleagues who I worked beside for months got busted fleecing the till. Her loose accounting involved taking a little bit extra and collecting it up over the night and taking a skim at the end… Clever if you can keep track so the till balances, not clever if you get caught.
I was shocked that my friend was a thief.
I was thinking about her in the dusty landscapes of India and I realised that any time I was less than 100% honest, I was no better than her and I decided that I would live my life with 100% honesty.
I would get the word integrity tattooed on my body to remind me that I could not live any other way.
When I told my mum about what I was doing and why she had a tear in her eye and she asked if she could get the same marking. I took her to The Illustrated Man where a huge, tattooed bearded guy inked my mum in the same spot.
Over the years, if I have been tempted to do something that I would not be proud of, I try to think of that mark on my back.
“Just tell me,” I demanded, cracking up at the ridiculousness of this situation.
“You have my full permission no matter how inappropriate it is to say to a client, what does my tattoo actually say?”
It still says integrity, if you look really closely. And squint a bit.
The thing is an almost 20-year-old tattoo that sees a lot of sun blurs like an old sailor’s tattoo and the blurring can make it look different.
He was too embarrassed to tell me what it means, but he indicated it means to kick someone somewhere.
“The bum?” I asked
“No, not the bum”
“The penis?” I thought by being anatomically correct he may spill the beans.
“Uh uh”, he replied shaking his head.
“The vagina???”
” I can’t tell you,” he said and the conversation was closed but he did not confirm or deny that I may or not have ‘vagina’ written in Chinese on my body.
I reckon it’s fairly safe to say that my tattoo that once had such a strong meaning now says something along the lines of “I want to kick you in the vagina” however knowing my luck it’s probably not vagina exactly but some fantastic Chinese slang for lady parts that is shocking to the average bear.
Hilarious.
If you can translate this tattoo and you can confirm or deny this, please, please, please, help me out!
PS My mum’s tattoo never saw much sun so is still in pristine condition in case you are wondering.
Danielle Colley
*Danielle Colley is a writer, blogger and mum. She is a regular contributor to The Weekly and other online and print publications.
Almost 90,000 young Australian women are turning to wealthy, older men to fund a lifestyle of pampering, designer clothes and international travel. But at what price?
Jessica is a 20-year-old beauty college graduate with a secret. Although she’s only just completed her diploma and didn’t have a job while studying, her tuition fees of $17,000 are already paid and she’s enjoyed a tax-free income of more than $300,000 over the past three years. While other students struggled by on baked beans and cheap wine, she dined at Sydney’s finest restaurants, went on lavish shopping sprees and had her hair done at top salons. And unlike most of her peers, she is not in debt.
But Jessica doesn’t have a trust fund; nor is she from a wealthy family.
“People ask, ‘where do you get all this money?’” she says. “But I don’t tell them; I just laugh it off.”
So who does fund her indulgent lifestyle? Wealthy, older men. “Sugar daddies” to be precise. For Jessica is part of a rapidly growing group – known as “sugar babies” – who are prepared to enter into “arrangements” with men in return for dates, gifts and money.
And she is by no means alone: there are nearly 90,000 young women registered in Australia on the dating website Seeking Arrangement (seekingarrangement.com.au) – a figure that has more than quadrupled in the past three years. There is, however, plenty of competition between them, with just 11,300 sugar daddies to choose from. In other words, for every cashed-up, older guy, there are almost eight pretty young women. Even taking into account that some sugar daddies like to have several sugar babies on the go at once, the odds are in tipped overwhelmingly in the men’s favour.
There is, of course, the obvious question of what these young women are expected to do in return for the money. Although it’s ostensibly a dating website, surely sex comes into it? Yes, says Jessica, but it’s not a simple cash-for-sex transaction – and it varies according to the deal negotiated between the couple if they decide to proceed after meeting up. “You would go out for drinks and take it from there,” says Jessica. “It’s not like you have to have sex at set times or anything.”
Gerard*, a financier in his late 40s from Sydney’s eastern suburbs, has had four arrangements since joining the site two years ago. “Mostly it’s companionship,” he says. “I enjoy spending time with beautiful ladies. But sex is very important too – it’s a culmination of it all.” So how does he ensure there’s no misunderstanding? “I am quite upfront – I say it’s about intimacy, I want to be with you physically as well as being intellectually compatible.”
In some cases, the relationships aren’t physical – or at least not to start out with. Sammy, 23, who is studying to be a teacher at the University of Newcastle, received $600 per date while she was seeing but not sleeping with a sugar daddy for six months. The Sydney-based arborologist, aged in his mid-40s, also covered the cost of their meals, drinks and activities. “It was amazing,” she says. “I wasn’t attracted to him or anything but he was such a lovely, generous man who wanted to spend his money on someone young and pretty.”
After six months, however, he told her he wanted to take their relationship to the next level. “I had always felt it was going to come to this,” admits Sammy. “I’m not proud of it but I did [have sex with him] because I felt I owed it to him. It was after that.. when I got home that I freaked out a bit and wanted to examine my morals and work out if what I was doing was wrong.”
Seeking Arrangement is, unsurprisingly, an ethical minefield. Critics argue it’s little more than prostitution – and anecdotally, some members appear to treat it as such. “The lines can be quite blurred,” admits Gerard. “There are some who will set the price by the hour. I met one lady.. who said ‘let’s just skip dinner and you can give me the $200 you would have spent on it and add it to the [agreed cash gift] and I will spend two hours with you.’” He declined to go ahead.
But the US-born company insists it is simply introducing people who can form “mutually beneficial arrangements”, in which each partner gives as much as they take.
Founder and CEO Brandon Wade, an ex-IT nerd who used his own site for dates before tying the knot with his youthful wife Tanya last year, argues it’s simply “a brutally honest” way for men and women to lay out on the table what they can bring to a relationship.
On the website’s registration, prostitutes and escorts are explicitly instructed not to join. Whether members are nevertheless engaging in a veiled form of sex trade – irrespective of whether they’d accept the label – is a matter for debate.
Buster, a debonair investment high-flier who splits his time between Switzerland and Sydney and joined the site 18 months ago, believes it is far more efficient and symbiotic than “civilian dating”, which he says is encumbered with games and hypocrisy. “Every relationship between a man and a woman has a financial underpinning,” he says. “Typically in our society, the male is the breadwinner and the female is financially subservient. I’ve looked after all my girlfriends and my two [ex-] wives, it’s just instinctive, so any attempt to reduce [sugar babies] to cheap gold-diggers is very foolish.”
There are other moral dilemmas. Neither Jessica nor Sammy will enter into arrangements with married men because they don’t want to be party to cheating on another woman. Some draw the line at threesomes: Sammy first heard about the site from a girlfriend who was in an arrangement with a wealthy Melbourne couple who used her as a “plaything on weekends, showering her with gifts”. Others don’t mind as long as it’s NSA (that’s “no strings attached” to the uninitiated). Either way, there’s no guarantee members will have been truthful about their relationship status.
Married with a teenage daughter, Gerard decided to become a sugar daddy to “spice up” his life. “I work really hard,” he says. “I had lunch with someone who was talking about it and it sounded like a fairytale to be honest.” He says he isn’t proud of cheating on his wife but claims it has helped his marriage. “If you have an outlet like that on the side, it takes off the pressure when you’ve been with the same person for a long time.”
So how does he keep his two lives separate? His family don’t know about his extra-curricular activities; as far as they know, he is working late or travelling on business. “I normally don’t tell [sugar babies] my surname unless I get to know them very well,” he explains. “I use a private email address and I have a second phone, which I keep at work in a drawer.” And what if he is recognised while out in public with a sugar baby? He would say she was a client or that he was interviewing her for a job or internship.
Jessica managed to keep her sugar daddies separate from her ordinary life until her boyfriend discovered her Seeking Arrangement profile when she forgot to log off her email. “He went in and read all my emails,” she says. “We broke up over it. But I’m young – I wasn’t going to marry the guy so it doesn’t really bother me.”
Clearly it’s in Seeking Arrangement’s interest to help maintain users’ privacy. As well as offering background checks, it assures potential sugar daddies that their credit card statements will never show the full name of the website. Sugar daddies pay for membership; for sugar babies it’s free.
There are many stereotypes about rich middle-aged men and their trophy girlfriends. But what do we really know about the members of Seeking Arrangement?
Spokeswoman Jennifer Gwynn says the average Australian sugar daddy is 41, earns an annual income of $259,000 and is prepared to spend $3,000 a month on his sugar baby.
Scroll through their profiles, however, and you glean a more colourful picture. Physically, there are all types: from the muscle-bound Adonis to the average Joe and very overweight (some of whom optimistically describe their body type as “athletic”). Many are old enough to be the average sugar baby’s father or, in some cases, grandfather.
The average sugar baby, says Gwynn, is 22 and also seeks a monthly allowance of $3000. This sum, however, varies within a range of $1,000 to $20,000 a month – presumably depending on their attractiveness, what they’re prepared to provide and level of interest.
The age difference is significant: all have anecdotes of being mistaken for fathers and daughters. Gerard is uncomfortable with it and seeks out women in their late 20s to early 30s. Buster embraces the fact his dates are often 30 years his junior: “Most 21-year-old women have the same emotional maturity as a middle-aged guy. These are biological cues that basically settle the argument they are destined to be together,” he says authoritatively.
Undoubtedly some online interaction is smoke and mirrors. Members typically don’t use their real names or details. It’s likely at least some shave a few years from their biological age, are over-flattering in their descriptions and liberal with Photoshop. Others perhaps don’t try hard enough. But, given the truth will come out when they meet, it’s probably not worth pushing too far.
Buster claims Seeking Arrangement’s method is based on sound anthropology, mirrored in the animal world with Alpha males. The 52-year-old, who coyly describes his estimated worth as “eight figures”, shares his theory that “innately, women are very charmed by and beguiled by successful men – they’re just following their hard-wired biological dictates. She is looking for a competitive advantage for her genes.”
In return, continues Buster, women provide “exquisite, intoxicating female charms”. His first arrangement was with a 23-year-old classical pianist. “It was just extraordinary: the cadence, the sort of dance where you go through the profiles, contact them, talk or Skype and then you meet,” he gushes. “It’s like pouring a nice bottle of white Bordeaux into two glasses – it just flows.”
Not quite as sophisticated, however, are some of the suitors who have approached Sammy. “No-one in their 20s is going to want to be with a man if [his profile picture] is a big fat, hairy body in his undies,” she says. To prove her point, she sends a screen grab of a message she received with an accompanying picture that is, indeed, of an overweight and hairy male torso in underwear. It’s hard to imagine even Alpha male magnetism will prevail in his case.
Then there’s the crude, explicit and downright creepy. Sammy has had approaches from a US sugar daddy who wanted to fly her over to be his maid and a Queenslander who wanted to pay her to live in a Playboy-style mansion, where wealthy men would pay to stay at weekends. Adds Jessica: “I had this guy [contact me] who said, ‘I want you to pretend to be my daughter and force yourself on me.’ I blocked him straight away.”
Jessica is realistic about the intentions of sugar daddies – and vets them carefully. “I’ve met a lot of arseholes on the site who’ve had no respect for women,” she says. “But out of a couple of hundred, there are some good guys, who will take you out and treat you like a princess.” Her sugar daddies have included a Melbourne surgeon, the owner of a Mercedes-Benz dealership and a man who she identified as a well-known American performer when he appeared on Channel 7’s Sunrise show the morning after she’d been with him.
Both Buster and Gerard believe arrangements are mostly about good company and enjoyment. But for at least some sugar babies, it’s more about the money.
Being a student is the most cash-poor period of our lives. At the dawn of adulthood, we are suddenly confronted by bills, rent, tuition costs and a host of discretionary outgoings that we don’t want to give up. With little or no income, it can be a stressful juggling act to avoid plunging into the red. And being young and a bit less worldly means many are on the lookout for a quick buck.
Unsurprisingly, therefore, universities have become a ripe recruitment ground for sugar babies. A list compiled by Seeking Arrangement shows more than 1,400 female students have signed up in Australia. As an incentive, students get a free upgrade to premium membership by registering an email address ending in “edu”. It begs the question: is this clever marketing or targeting young, inexperienced and financially insecure women?
Jessica and Sammy insist they don’t feel exploited – indeed, they’d argue the balance of power lies with them. “I’m intelligent,” says Sammy, “I felt I was manipulating the situation to get cash.” While she says she would treat an arrangement like a regular relationship if things heat up after a couple of dates, she wouldn’t be shy about making counter-offers on money because “at the end of the day, it’s what they have joined the site for. It’s why I joined as well.” She has paid off her HECS debt and bought a new car.
Jessica’s favourite gift is an $800 designer dress from her first sugar daddy. “He would say, ‘I like buying things for you, I like making you happy’,” she recalls. “And I could make him happy. I think it’s pretty fair.”
Gerard believes it’s sugar daddies who “control the action”. But there are tales of both sugar babies and sugar daddies taking their dates for a ride – whether it’s taking off with the money or refusing to pay up. Perhaps, in the end, like most human relationships, the balance of power varies according to the individuals.
Personal safety is an important issue for sugar babies, who are advised by Seeking Arrangement to get to know prospective dates first, meet in a public place, be cautious and always trust their instincts. Jessica always arranges for first dates to be somewhere with surveillance cameras, such as a coffee shop, and gets her mother to keep an eye on her from another table. “I am really cautious – if something sounds dodgy, I don’t go,” she says.
Despite the obvious risks, like sugar itself, many find the instant gratification of Seeking Arrangement addictive.
After a six-month break following her moral crisis, Sammy resumed a sexual relationship with her first sugar daddy. She took a break from the site when a concurrent relationship with a guy in Newcastle “became a bit too much to juggle”. But now that’s ended, she’s back online. While she has “still got her youth”, she’s also planning to use Miss Travel – an offshoot of Seeking Arrangement that matches attractive wannabe travellers with wealthy sponsors – to see the world.
Buster and Gerard, meanwhile, show no sign of wanting to quit.
And, although she hasn’t yet celebrated her 21st birthday, Jessica already accepts that after getting a taste for the finer things in life, she will probably end up with “an older guy” who can keep her in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed.
This feature was originally posted by Bauer Media in 2012.
I’ve struggled with drugs for a long time but being a mum means the world to me.
I have two sons, who I love more than anything. My eldest starts school next year and my little one is just a baby. I try to make them my priority but it’s hard when my partner, now my ex- partner, was so caught up in drugs. I just kept getting dragged back into the mess and the darkness.
He would use ice for days on end and he became increasingly violent. He repeatedly lashed out and hurt me, but I don’t really think it was him, it was the drugs.
It was ice.
I don’t think he meant to be so angry but he couldn’t help it. He just couldn’t control his fury. I really believed if I stayed I could help him change, or that he would want to be a better man for my two sons, but he always chose drugs over us. I suppose sometimes I did too.
I finally left him when I realised that he wasn’t going to change. I knew it was an unhealthy situation for my kids to grow up in because I was just repeating the pattern of my childhood, of my mother’s childhood.
I rarely actually saw violence in my home growing up but I grew up seeing my grandmother’s bruises. My grandfather was an alcoholic the whole time I knew him, and he would get ugly behind closed doors. My grandmother never really talked about it, she just got on with it.
In turn, my mother had abusive relationships that I witnessed growing up and it just seemed to me that it was the way it was. It was all I knew. Men were cheaters and beaters, my grandmother used to warn me.
I have not really had a great experience in relationships. Some of my earlier ones were okay, but they got progressively worse with them being based on anger and frustration, and drugs.
It’s not easy to leave a violent relationship. It’s complicated, my life is complicated, my choices are complicated. I’m surviving on a single mother’s pension and paying the rent and buying food on my own is hard, and when things get hard I find it even harder to stay clean. I keep relapsing and falling back into old patterns. The drugs are like an old friend but I know that friend is my enemy.
I never sought legal help because my life is difficult enough. I’m hoping that maybe in a few years my son’s father and I will sort ourselves out and we can be happy again. It may take five years, who knows?
The Department of Human Services suggested I talk to TaskForce Community Services and get some support as part of my program and I find talking to them is a relief. They refer women to other services such as Child First who come to your home and help you to be a better parent.
TaskForce also encourages you to get a mental health plan in place through and appropriate medical check ups. My case-worker, Fiona Mulligan, runs the Breaking the Barriers program for mothers with substance abuse problems. She travels all over Melbourne seeing women with children that need help support.
Having someone to talk to and advise me without judging me has been one of the things that has helped me survive. I know I’m not alone and that Fiona really cares about me and my kids.
My ex keeps trying to get back into my life. He texts me saying he’s lonely and needs cuddles, but I’m trying to move on with my life. He doesn’t help with the boys, or pay me any money. We barely see him for weeks and then he wants cuddles?
I know letting him back into my life right now would be bad. After an incident last week I lost my boys. My babies were taken away because although I always try to put their needs first, and make sure they are okay, the authorities don’t think I can look after them right now.
They have been sent to live with my family and until I get myself together that is my current reality. I want more than anything to sort my life out. I want to watch my son walk into school next year and I want him to come home to me at the end of the day, and I’m prepared to work really hard to make that my new reality.
“I remember worrying about my size and shape from about the age of 11. Initially I thought there was a reason I wasn’t getting attention from females. I was a big boy, but other guys who were getting attention weren’t.”
At home, my family would tell me, ‘You’re special, you’re a handsome boy’. But I wasn’t getting the same validation anywhere else.
I started attributing the way things were going to my physical appearance. I’d look at other people and think ‘Why am I different?’
I compared myself to other boys at school initially. Definitely as I got older I was more aware of media and the attention and focus on the male figure and what you should and shouldn’t look like.
I had negative body issues, but it wasn’t until I decided to diet and exercise at the age of 19 to feel a bit better about myself that my eating disorder set in.
I’d lost about 10 kilos and I got this really great validation of, ‘Oh you’re looking great!’ I got that positive reinforcement – my appearance was pleasing to other people, therefore I’m getting affection and attention.
I became more intense with my dieting, more intense with my exercise. Within five months I was fully along for the ride.
It was my life. My entire day and train of thought was about body weight and shape. What I can eat, what I can’t eat and how much exercise I’ve got to do.
I got into this routine, this structure where every single day had to be the same for the sense of control.
Everything else, relationships, friends, work, outside interests all went by the wayside.
My family could see I was killing myself in front of them.
My mum could see how obsessive I’d become, how arrogant and aggressive and angry, how much of a short fuse I had. I’d become really selfish and self-involved, and secretive. I wasn’t the same boy.
My mum was always asking what was happening, what was I doing. She was poking the monster and I would rear up and get aggressive and retaliate and challenge. She went from being my best friend to my worst enemy.
I had such a tight death grip on my eating and exercise at all times that I couldn’t entertain going out and seeing people. My friendships dwindled and the quality of the friendships I was able to hang onto was pretty poor.
Health wise, I was gaunt. I wasn’t just losing fat, I was losing organ mass and muscle tissue. My organs shrank, my brain shrank and my body started to shut down.
My extremities would go blue. There were times I couldn’t move, my legs would go numb, I couldn’t even stand – I’d have to lie down and then I couldn’t even get myself up again.
I couldn’t think, couldn’t feel. I’d become emotionally numb, things would happen and I wouldn’t be affected because I was so self-involved.
I’d think to myself, ‘I should be feeling something here but I’m not’. It was like emotional Novocain.
Cognitively I couldn’t focus or concentrate. I was always trying to do 100 different things, I was always anxious, restless, tense and on edge.
I was really tired, but I couldn’t sleep because of the anxiety and the constant tension. At one point I almost died when I fell asleep at the wheel.
The turning point for me came when I finally acknowledged I had a problem.
I was at uni and I remember coming home and lying on the floor in a foetal position and thinking, ‘If I don’t move, then I don’t have to think.’
I went to my mum and said, ‘I’m sick, I don’t know what to do’. And she said, ‘Okay, let’s get help.’ We didn’t muck around.
Unfortunately I’d get better, then relapse, then get better and then relapse again. But that’s the journey.
Battling an eating disorder is a lifelong commitment whether you’re in a state of upturn or a state of spiraling down. And it will be the rest of my life – it will be up and down.
However each time I’m in a better place, a better space of being in recovery, I’m stronger. Each day I get up and breath in, breath out and make that conscious choice to choose life, to choose recovery, to chose not to indulge in my eating disorder thoughts.
I’m 30 now and a therapist myself. I feel 3D in the world again, rather than two-dimensional. My relationships have become really rich and enriching in my life.
If you are worried about a male in your life, talk to them. But be careful not to put the blame on them or use accusatory statements like, ‘You’re worry me’.
Instead, always use ‘I’ statements.
‘I’m really worried, I’m noticing that you’ve lost a bit of weight and I’m wondering what’s happening for you.’
Do it in a very loving and caring way. They may not be ready to talk to you but that’s okay. Let them know that you’ll be there for them if they do choose to.”
Concerned about a male in your life? Contact The Butterfly Foundation on thebutterflyfoundation.org.au or on their helpline 1800 33 4673.
Talking about your own, or a family member’s, aged care can be hard. But the sooner you start talking about aged care and planning ahead, the more choices you’ll have and the better the outcome for you and your family.
“Sometimes, people don’t think about their aged care needs until an unexpected event or health problem occurs,” says myagedcare.gov.au, The Federal Government’s aged care portal.
“If this happens, it can be a confusing and emotional time and trying to find information and support to help you understand your options can be difficult.”
My Aged Care has trained professionals available to talk through options.
Here, The Weekly has outlined some tips to help prepare a loved one for help at home or in an aged care facility.
APPOINT AN ENDURING GUARDIAN
An enduring guardian can assist with making personal health and lifestyle decisions if assistance is required (for example, where parents live and what medical and dental treatment they are to receive).
LOCATE AND SECURE ORIGINAL DOCUMENTS
Ensure you know where important original documents – such as wills, power of attorney, appointment of enduring guardian, title deed to the family home and any other real estate, insurance policies, superannuation documents – are kept, and ensure they are safe.
MAINTAIN KEY PERSONAL DETAILS
Ensure you keep an up-to-date list of details for:
Bank accounts
Credit cards
Medicare
Private Health Fund
Centrelink
Insurances
Superannuation
Pensions
Medications, medical conditions and allergies
Local GP and any other treating medical practitioners or specialists
FINANCIAL ADVICE
Obtain independent financial advice regarding the best available option to fund aged care costs (such as whether to sell or lease the family home) and to undersatnd what the impact will be on assets, superannuation and entitlements.
DON’T WAIT!
Be proactive in ensuring your parents’ affairs are in order. Encourage them to take charge of their affairs sooner rather than later. Delay will only cause unnecessary stress when circumstances create an urgent need to move quickly.
The appointment of a guardian can only be made when one has capacity to do so.
The more organised you are the less stressful the transition will be.
Thinking about moving a parent into aged car?
You can find out more about at home support services by going to myagedcare.gov.au.
Caring for a parent can be demanding. To access respite services, call carer support respite information service on 1800 052 222.
To arrange a free assessment of your parent’s needs before transitioning into the aged care system, go to myagedcare.gov.ay/acat-assessments.
Can’t afford the fees? You can find out more about getting a reduction or waiver at myagedcare.gov.au.
If you’ve had kids, we guarantee you’ve been there. You turn you back for five minutes, and when you return, it looks as though you house has been burgled – or worse, set upon by children.
And we understand (we do!), children are curious and, of course, still learning, so how were they to know that smearing your entire TV screen with white paint wasn’t the right thing to do? Or that dumping your entire make up bag in the toilet wasn’t “helping”? Or when we said “don’t touch”, we really, actually, totally meant “don’t touch”?
But still, when your tiny tot breaks something or draws on something valuable with a permanent marker, it can still feel like you’re on the edge of a break down.
So. We’re here to help. Here are 22 photos of the worst child-perpetrated destruction the internet can provide to totally make you feel better about your own.
And if your child is worse than this? You’re on your own.
You turn your back for five minutes…
Oh well, it’s not like tampons absorb water, right? … Right?
We guess you could call it a “make-over”. Sort of.
You didn’t need that TV anyway.
We’re not totally sure the kid was totally to blame here.
It’s alright. They probably didn’t need that…
At least he has the grace to smile about it.
Reading is overrated, anyway.
We’re not even sure… how.
A little Napisan will get that right out.
“Decorating”, perhaps?
Or a little attempted murder?
Is nothing safe?
This the face of someone who has experienced true regret.
One of the most frightening things you can think about is just how much of your younger years will be completely unfathomable to future generations.
Forget big inventions like space and time travel (it’s close) but consider simple things, like being where you said you were going to be. Once being late meant having to call the bar and begging the hostess to tell your date – who is convinced you are standing them up – you were on your way. Nowadays you can text your Tinder dates to weasel your way out of tardiness, no problem!
And speaking of dating, remember the days when you had to fight your whole family to hog the home phone and call your sweetheart. That act of selfishness would stop everyone in one house from being able to use the family Macintosh to access the three websites on the World Wide Web.
Well while technology has swept in and made things a lot simpler you might have to prepare yourself for some very frustrating conversations about things like what a floppy disc was, why your mum gave you a slap on the head for touching film negatives or how you could go through a whole day without ever seeing one of these #.
Children of the future, you know nothing.
“Mum, what is this?” A floppy disc which once hosted so many answers will only drum up questions.
Kids will never know that this “#” was once just a pound sign, not a hashtag.
Kids these days will never understand the annoying crunching of someone texting on their Nokia 3310 – with a Playboy bunny cover?
Or will they believe that flip phones were the absolute coolest?
Windows don’t wind up the way they once did.
They won’t know the blue screen you saw for the 16 hours it took to turn a computer on.
They wouldn’t be able to pen a formal letter.
They won’t know those warm fuzzy feelings of when you got handed a mixtape from your crush.
Old school: Kids won’t know how to look for a book in the library.
The won’t know the black ink all over your fingers after reading the newspaper.
They will never know how to properly write a cheque.
And they won’t know the days when famous people weren’t just famous for being famous.
Orgasms increase your circulation, keeping the blood flowing to your genital area and keeping all your tissue healthy.
It’s Cardio
Although it’s not quite the same as going for a run, having an orgasm is a cardiovascular activity. It increase your heart rate, your blood pressure and you respiratory rate. The other good news is that, like running, it releases endorphins, the body’s feel good stuff.
Stress relief
Finding a moment to relax is difficult in a stressful world with so many obligations and deadlines. However, sexual release may also be a stress release. Being sexual also gives us a chance to block out the rest of the world and live in them moment – if we let it. Being sexual requires us to focus on one thing only, which is also part of the secret to achieving orgasm.
Find that healthy glow
The afterglow from sex is almost a cliché, but it may also be a real physical effect. The hormone DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), which increases dramatically during sexual arousal, also makes your skin healthier.
Foreplay Should Not Be Forgone
The more kissing and fondling you do, the more your blood flow increases, which makes you extra-sensitive. Researchers say it takes 10-20 minutes of stimulation for the average woman to reach her peak sensitivity.
Aids Your Emotional Health
Orgasms are good for your brain and your soul. Having orgasms can increase your emotional confidence and intelligence. Psychologists say just understanding how your body works and reacts to pleasurable feelings can affect the way you see relationships and the decisions you make around them.
A few additional facts:
The most amount of orgasms recorded in a single hour is 134.
It takes women 20 minutes on average to reach climax, while men can usually orgasm within 2 minutes.
The longest recorded orgasm is 43 seconds.
The erectile tissue found in both a penis and a clitoris is also found in your nose.
Women orgasm longer than men: men – 10-15 seconds; women – 20 seconds.
.jpg?fit=900%2C750)
