I’m often asked questions like this one I received through Women’s Health Magazine:
My boyfriend wants to watch porn with me, and I have nothing against porn, but I haven’t found any that turns me on – the women tend to be all fake-tanned and fake-nailed, and the sex is so staged. Can you make any recommendations on porn that appeals to both men and women?
And my response to enquiries like this tend to be along the lines of:
If you’re like most women, porn won’t do it for you, even so-called “female friendly” porn – close-ups of genitals, ham acting, no plot – turn me off, baby!
Porn is designed to be visually titillating to men, they have an arousal “on / off” button and porn can be one way to turn it on.
Female arousal works quite differently: ours is a slow build and the blatancy of porn can short-circuit that and turn us cold.
Better to find your erotic turn-ons elsewhere: in books, movies, food, poetry, clothing, music – create experiences that really turn you on, from the inside out.
Seek seduction, not sleaze; pleasure, not porn; sensuality not superficiality; fun, not fake.
If you and your boyfriend look for real connection and deep eroticism you’ll be enjoying yourselves, lost in sensation, way more than you ever could watching bodies on a screen bumping against each other.
Of course, there are some women who do like the blatancy of porn, and some men who find it unappealing.
As you know, I don’t buy into the “men-are-like-this” and “woman-are-like-that” polarised view of the sexes.
This is one area though, where there’s a difference, porn just doesn’t do it for most women.
There’s nothing wrong with the porn, or with the women – No, you’re not frigid! – it’s just not a match.
And I know that scientific studies have been done where women watch porn, while instruments in their vaginas measuring their physiological response indicate they are responding physically to what they’re watching.
Maybe they are, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are enjoying it.
Women lubricate and can even have orgasms while being raped, that doesn’t mean they’re enjoying it.
Physiological response does not always indicate enjoyment.
Personally, I’ve tried to find porn that is in some way arousing for me and I’ve never found anything, and yet I’m a highly sexual women!
I much prefer a classy erotic movie with a plot, soft lighting, and no sections that look like an anatomy lesson. But that’s me.
As I say, there’s no right or wrong, if you like it great, if you don’t, great! Just don’t think there’s something wrong with you or your partner if you don’t like it. There will be plenty of other activities that you will both love.
This story first appeared on LoveLife.
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