“From the moment I walked in to Mylee’s bedroom I knew something was wrong. Mylee was very still, unnaturally still. Despite the shock, I instantly knew my baby girl was gone.
It defied belief – one day she was running around, smiling and laughing and the next she was lost forever.
Mylee was a beautiful toddler with strawberry blonde hair, big blue eyes, chubby little hands and a personality that lit up a room. She was also very cheeky and knew how to keep us on our toes.
Mylee loved playing ‘mummy’ to her dolls and endless games of peek-a-boo. But more than anything she loved her big brother Chase. The two of them were inspirable and our house was filled with the beautiful noise of sibling camaraderie. Watching them grow up together warmed my heart.
Losing Mylee was absolutely devastating. In the wake of her passing my husband Sean and I walked around in a fog of disbelief and confusion. My arms ached to hold her; I desperately wanted to feel her warmth again.
In the early weeks a lot of our focus was on the funeral and the autopsy. Every morning was awful; I woke up thinking it was all a bad dream only to relive it again and again. We held on to Chase so tightly, he was our reason for getting up each day.
Mylee died from Sudden Unexpected Death in Childhood (SUDC) – something I’d never heard of before her passing. Most people are aware of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), but the term only refers to children that are less than 12 months. SUDC is the term used when a child older than 12 months dies unexpectedly.
Mylee
Like many other parents, Sean and I thought that we were past the SIDS stage. We now know that there is no safe age.
Mylee’s autopsy showed that she died from a viral illness and we have since learnt that it’s possible she had an immune condition. Mylee showed no signs or symptoms and passed without warning, for this reason her death is classed as ‘SUDC with cause’ meaning that there are components of her death that will never be fully explained.
There have been times that I’ve blamed myself for Mylee’s death. What kind of mother must I be to have not noticed that my child was dying? I often feel like I let her down.
Sean and I want to help prevent other families from going through what we’ve been through. We will continue to fight alongside SIDS and Kids to find answers. But we can’t do that alone, we do need other families to adopt safe sleep practices and to help raise funds so that we can increase the level of SIDS/SUDC research is Australia.
It’s been a tough road but we refuse to give up. Losing Mylee has taught us a lot about ourselves and each other. We have gone on to have two more children and our house is filled with the laughter again.
But in our hearts we know there’s one little voice that’s missing from the squeals and giggles. Mylee was a part of us. I will always long for her and we will always have part of our family missing.
I am thankful for Mylee every day. I wouldn’t swap a moment of the pain because it meant I got to love her, hold her and to be her Mummy.”
Red Nose Day is on June 24. You can support it by buying a red nose, making a donation or fundraising. Find out more about how to get involved at rednoseday.com.au.
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