Pakistani social media star Qandeel Baloch was strangled to death over the weekend, with her brother confessing to the murder as an ‘honour killing’.
She was strangled in her sleep in her family home in Punjab, Pakistan by her brother, Wasim Azeem, in protest to the “kind of pictures she had been posting online.”
Qandeel’s father, Muhammad Azeem, reported the death to police, and after going on the run, her brother was caught. He then confessed to the murder.
Her videos and pictures aren’t all that different to what other 20-something women are posting.
With 750,000 followers on Facebook, she called herself a “modern day feminist” and was recently writing posts about challenging old practices of Pakistani society.
She was praised for empowering women in a country where gender disparity is outrageously high.
Her brother told police that her videos were “objectionable” and “intolerable” and that he had no regrets over killing her.
At a press conference, he said: “Yes of course, I strangled her. I am not ashamed. We are Baloch and as Baloch we cannot tolerate this.
“Money matters, but family honour is more important.
“I was determined either to kill myself or kill her.
“I am not embarrassed at all over what I did. Whatever was the case, it [Qandeel’s actions] was completely intolerable.”
He then confessed to how he killed her.
“She was on the ground floor while our parents were asleep on the rooftop.
“It was around 10.45pm when I gave her a tablet … and then killed her.”
His father has told press he believes Wasim killed her under the guidance of his older brother Aslam Shaheen. Both have now been charged with murder.
While local police have said they’d be seeking ‘maximum punishment’, an ‘honour killing’ means that the incident can be tried as a private offence. This could lead to the accused being let off as a pardon by the victim’s family.
So your daughter brought her new boyfriend to dinner and you realised he's not her ideal suitor. Fear not, Alissa Warren has spoken to the experts and has this surprising advice.
It’s the announcement every mother hopes she’s lucky enough to make. The arrival of a baby girl signals endless hopes and dreams of a future filled with dress-up dolls, pigtails and plaits, netball games and school dances.
“She’s dating a loser!”
It’s the announcement every mother hopes she’s lucky enough to NEVER make. Ever.
But it happens. A lot.
Psychologist Jo Lamble says, “many girls go through a bad boy phase. These guys ooze testosterone, which is attractive. They often try to tame the bad boy. It’s a form of gentle rebellion.”
And so many of us have been there.
At sweet sixteen, I dated a guy who had a car. A fast one. I don’t remember much else about why I actually went out with him. At the same time, I had a girlfriend dating a guy who went to an exclusive boys’ school with strict rules about the way they wore their uniform in public. He dyed his hair blue, wore no tie and smoked under the stairs at the train station. Swoon.
We were equally smitten with our loser-loves.
But sometimes these relationships don’t pass as quickly as parents may like and they start to become toxic.
And before you know it, a dreaded conversation looms over you and your daughter like a cloud of bum-puffed cigarette smoke.
Do you tell your daughter she’s dating a douchbag?
The answer? No. “My general advice is to be careful,” Lamble says, “you don’t want to drive her further into his arms. Obviously if there are any signs of domestic violence, then it’s a far more serious matter that needs to be managed carefully. [Otherwise] sit back and observe.”
Ugh. That’s right. Observe the slug pouring himself all over your baby girl. The baby girl who liked it when you cut her grapes in half. The baby girl who once asked you to help her put her seatbelt on.
Strap in. Everyone’s in for a ride but you can make it to your destination. Start with making a little extra room.
Because before you ban this boofhead from your home, Lamble suggests, “invite him over – a lot. Let your daughter see how he fits in with your family. See how she is with him. Does he bring out the best in her? It’s about your daughter’s happiness, not whether you like him or not.”
Most of the time, it’s because we’ve all been there. We’ve been dumped. Dumped by the guy we believed was our true love.
And oh, the heartache.
My eyes well up for my sixteen-year-old-self standing at the driveway of the school carpark, talking to my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriends-best-friend who is moments away from telling me that he was breaking up with me. For his friend. Who couldn’t break up with me because he still really liked me. “Huh? But if he likes me, why is he breaking up with me?” My friends looked on in pity and wonderment from the science lab above us.
I don’t believe a relationship was dissected with more enthusiasm and confusion until Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie.
I doubt my ex-boyfriend and his best friend would even remember this blip on their relationship rollercoaster. It’s highly likely, nor would their parents. But why?
“When it comes to a son, you often have two women competing to be the most important woman in their life,” says Lamble. “We worry more about our daughters because we relate to the idea of getting hurt. Most of us clearly remember having our hearts broken by a guy who was never good for us.”
Because that’s when the real problem starts, right?
As Steve Martin so beautifully said in Father of the Bride, “you worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing … Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That’s the greatest fear of all, because, then you lose her.”
But you don’t have to.
You don’t need to lose your daughter. Whether she’s dating a douchebag or not.
Lamble says, “if you want to stay close to your adult child, it’s important to accept their choices of partner … and that includes accepting them dating someone you hate.”
And that means loving your baby girl as unconditionally and joyously as you did the moment she was born.
While you’re trying to get your morning hit of caffeine, spare a moment of thought for the soul trying to pump out 217 lattes in 10 minutes.
These are all the thoughts and pet peeves that are probably going through their mind at this second.
The best tip you should take after reading this? Never be rude to your barista. (But also, never be rude in general.)
1.“Can I get a quarter packet of sugar in that?” Who you trying to kid?
2.When people ask for extra hot milk, it starts to burn, which ruins the coffee flavour and milk texture. And when you ask for extra hot soy it’s almost definitely going to burn!
3.“Oh sorry, I meant that coffee to be iced. Did I not say iced?” No, you specifically did not.
4.We dread seeing interns or assistants walking in – they’ve always got 164 different coffee orders which take FOREVER.
5.“Are the beans organic?” Reallllly?
6.Some customers will try and show you they have more knowledge than you about coffee – this just isn’t true.
7.“A three-quarter shot decaf soy latte, please.” Orders like this are the bane of our existence. So. Many. Steps.
8.There will always be that one customer that complains about their coffee but still comes back the next day.
9.“Half skim, half full milk please.” If I’m not in a good mood, you’re going to get whatever is in my jug.
10.We try our best to make pretty pictures in your coffee but it’s not as likely to happen with almond milk, for example. Full cream milk is the best for latte art.
11.We get it, you’re in a hurry. But if you try and rush us, your coffee won’t be great. If you want quick coffee, there’s a 7/11 down the road.
12.“Is it too late to make mine soy?” “No, but it’ll be an extra 50c.” “Don’t worry then.”
13.“A small coffee, thanks.” Latte, capp, flate white, espresso… WHAT KIND, DAMMIT.
14.If you’re rude and ask for skim, you’re getting full.
15.Without even meaning to, we’re going to judge you on your order.
16.There are those anal customers who ask for three medium-sized ice cubes in their long black, or for their sugar to be stirred anti-clockwise. True story.
17.If you’ve been lining up for a while and get to the counter, you better know what you want to order.
18.There is no greater satisfaction for a barista then pouring out the perfect amount of crema on an espresso, getting the right extraction time on a shot, or having a customer love the new coffee you’ve made.
19.The smell of coffee grinds almost never leaves your skin; it has serious staying power.
Statistics show that more than 2,700 Australian women – mothers, sisters and daughters – are living with HIV. You might not think you know anyone, but these five women, who are bravely speaking out to de-stigmatise the disease, will make you think again.
Abby Landy, 24
Abby Landy was deeply suspicious something was wrong when, at 23, she developed cold sores for the first time in her life. The busy law student went to see her GP saying that coincidentally, she was so tired she could barely get out of bed.
It was a week after she’d broken up with her boyfriend.
The GP dismissed Abby’s concerns but at her insistence, gave her a sexual health screening to be on the safe side – which she now knows does not include testing for HIV. The results were good, but Abby wasn’t getting any better, she could barely stand up and a mysterious rash was spreading over her body.
She took herself to a nearby hospital emergency department and was given a script for an antihistamine and told to go home. But her mind still wasn’t at ease.
“I’ve never had a cold sore ever and I was just getting sicker and sicker.”
She called her ex-boyfriend, but far from reassuring her, when he said, “don’t worry babe, at least you’ll remember me forever”, she panicked.
“I’d googled the symptoms, everything was pointing in the direction of HIV so I went back to my GP and insisted I have a test. She told me I was an Aussie girl, heterosexual, very low risk, not to worry. But when the clinic called and asked me to come back in urgently, in my heart I knew. My GP was almost in tears when she told me I had HIV. My first thought was ‘I don’t want to live with this'”.
Abby put her studies on hold and moved back in with her family to focus on getting well, she researched the virus heavily and found support groups for women like her, who offered companionship, education and understanding, and with advanced treatments she has recovered well.
“I think going to the support group was one of the best things I did because the women I met were all amazing and I come away feeling as if I wasn’t a victim, I realised I had nothing to moan about and most importantly that I wasn’t alone, other women were dealing with this too.”
Abby has made an impressive recovery. She is now in Sydney working full time as a legal assistant, and is finishing her law degree part time. In between work, study, meeting friends for drinks or going for a jog, she squeezes in time to speak publicly about her experience of being HIV positive.
“HIV is a human condition, it can affect anyone, it doesn’t discriminate. We all have to be agents for our own sexual health and it has to be on our radar that anyone can get HIV, even young Aussie heterosexuals. By talking about it and putting faces to it, we educate and it’s harder to hate.”
Cath Smith, 42
In many ways, being diagnosed with HIV was a lifesaving moment for Cath Smith. For almost a decade the vivacious office administrator had been silently suffering from depression that was at times so severe, she prayed before bed that she wouldn’t wake up in the morning.
In a moment of steely resolve, she decided to try and rebuild her self-esteem by doing small things that made her feel good about herself, like donating blood again, a tangible way of saving another’s life.
But when a security sealed letter arrived from the blood bank not long after her last donation, it dramatically changed the course of her life journey. Cath was HIV positive, she had contracted the virus from her ex-boyfriend.
Instead of diving into a darker state of mind, the diagnosis was the inspiration she needed to get up and live her life.
“That day I thought ‘Right, get up, get out of bed, start living your life, otherwise you’ll die. This is my purpose, this is what I’m here for, I’m not done yet’.”
She packed up her hectic city life and moved to the Victorian high country, looking to therapeutically rekindle her passion for horses and snow skiing, and in her ‘spare time’ she has made it her mission to empower other women to look after their sexual health. Cath is now a highly sought after speaker, who talks to community groups, young women and high school children about HIV.
She says the grim-reaper like attitudes of the 1980’s are still one of the biggest hurdles she faces.
“I’m a stigma warrior!” She smiles. “HIV is not the death sentence it once was and you won’t be infected by having physical contact with me! I am open about HIV.
“Young women need to know that it can happen to them, but they also need to know that whilst it is an immensely challenging place to find yourself in, HIV is just one small part of you, it doesn’t define who you are.”
She says it is vital that every woman knows her sexual health status, “Don’t assume you don’t have HIV, you need to be tested to know your status. If I can contract HIV anyone can.
“If my story stops one woman contracting HIV then I’ve achieved. By talking about it, I hope to empower other women to share their stories too.”
Rebecca Matheson, 45
“I don’t have time to be sick!” Says busy mum of three Rebecca Matheson. And she’s not joking. With children ranging in age from seventeen to three, the 45 year old Melbourne mum runs an unenviable diary. She works full time and spends most weekends behind the wheel of ‘mum’s taxi’ service, and if she’s not ferrying kids around to ballet, sport or social activities, they’re packing her house to its rafters.
“I have a house full of teenagers every weekend,” she laughs, “we are a very typical family.”
Rebecca has been living with HIV for more than 20 years. She was diagnosed with the virus after a backpacking holiday to Africa in 1994. She has defied the odds, and proudly pushed the boundaries.
She married, started a family, and has lived a healthy happy life, despite the dark cloud that hung over her initial diagnosis.
“I’m a mother, wife I’m involved in my community, and I just get on with my life every day, HIV doesn’t define me at all.”
“I’ve never had an AIDS defining illness, when I came home from Africa, I thought I had malaria, I didn’t imagine it would be HIV, but I’ve maintained my health, I look after myself and do everything I can to manage the virus.”
Disclosure, she says, is still one of the most challenging aspects of being HIV positive.
“I chose who I tell very carefully, I’m confident, I have a great support network around me but I’m well aware there are still huge misconceptions about HIV. I was lucky that my husband saw HIV as only a part of who I am.”
She says it’s important to speak out about the virus, because “we want people to know you can live well with HIV,” but warns that speaking out is also a double edged sword.
“We also still need to deter them from high risk activities. It’s not all rosy, modern medicine has come a long way but there’s still a long way to go, we are a long way from a cure and you need to still be careful about your sexual health.”
Michelle Wesley, 49
“I rang my parents and asked them to buy me a ticket back to Australia so I could come home and say goodbye to everyone. That was 24 years ago and I’m still here,” Michelle Wesley says proudly.
Michelle’s journey with HIV began when she was diagnosed in London in the late 1980’s. She’d been living out a dream backpacking when she landed in Italy, and firmly in with the wrong crowd.
Her bourgeois new European friends introduced her to heroin, and she quickly became addicted.
Michelle returned to London seeking help to overcome her addiction, which was successful, but three years down the track, she discovered she was HIV positive.
“It was shocking, unbelievable. A million thoughts went through my head and none at the same time, I was numb. I instantly felt shame, guilt and I felt dirty. I assumed I would get AIDS and die and my doctors told me I’d probably be dead within four years.”
“I was unaware of HIV, I’d heard about a group of men in San Francisco dying of AIDS but that was the extent of what I knew. There was no treatment, very little information and I was a woman with HIV which was rare, I was a minority within a minority, it was so isolating.”
Michelle developed an extreme case of shingles and became very ill, she suffered nerve damage and spent six months in a wheel chair alone and a world away from her family.
“I called my parents and asked them to bring me home so I could die in Australia,” she says frankly.
“I was living day by day and there was no sense of hope at all for my future.”
Her return home was the turning point. She began taking steps to recover, new medications became available and step by step she rebuilt her life. It took her eight painful years to get back on her feet, but she went back to school, re-established a career and today she says she is not just surviving, but thriving. She is passionate about community awareness of HIV and now works as a support co-ordinator at Positive Women Victoria.
“I’ve learned to live with HIV, I co-exist with it. I’ve now lived more years with HIV than without it,” she says, “I have a very rich, full, enjoyable life and I make the most of every day.”
Michelle says it’s the stigma that remains most challenging, “there’s still a great fear of HIV because of what’s gone before us, but we are all somebody’s daughter, someone’s sister. If I was walking down the street you wouldn’t know I had HIV, I’m just like you.”
Diane Nyoni, 45
Just three years ago, Diane Nyoni was dying. She’d been rushed to hospital so unwell, that doctors thought she had brain cancer. The single mother of four underwent emergency surgery to remove lesions from her brain but was shocked when doctors told her she didn’t have cancer at all, she was in fact suffering the effects of AIDS.
“I had absolutely no idea I had AIDS,” she says, “in hindsight it made sense, I’d been suffering a number of illnesses and my immune system wasn’t functioning at all. I’d had this lump on the side of my neck that wouldn’t go away and although I’d been going to the doctors to get help, I’d been misdiagnosed, I never imagined it was AIDS.”
Diane had contracted the virus from her ex-husband, she believes it was in the last few months of their relationship, when their son Izaiah, now 11, was conceived. The marriage ended before Izaiah was born and Diane worked hard to build a new life for her family, she went back to school, graduated and began a career working with women suffering domestic violence, unaware she was HIV positive.
“When the doctors traced back how long I had t, it coincided with breast feeding Izaiah, I was terrified I may have passed it on to him. It was the longest weekend of my life waiting for tests results to come in, but thankfully he’s all clear. I was not a high risk person, I was a married woman, we’d lived in the US for a while where there is a strong culture of testing so I knew I was negative when we married and I trusted my husband,” she says.
Despite the physical and emotional challenges she has faced, Diane has refused to become ‘a victim’.
“I went from being the one who offered support in a crisis, to the one needing support and that was tough,” she says, “but I wanted to work and I wanted to contribute to the community so I began speaking publicly about AIDS to educate and raise awareness about the virus, I became an activist.
“Women with AIDS are almost invisible in this country, we need to talk about it, support one another and educate people about what living with HIV and AIDS really means. We are everyday women, mothers, daughters, educated women, women from all walks of life.”
Diane is keen to stress that AIDS is a manageable illness and with the right treatment, she says it’s possible to live a long and fulfilling life. She is passionate about developing a greater culture of testing in Australia.
“I’d rather have AIDS than brain cancer. You can live with AIDS in the same way you can live with other illnesses, but the only way we’ll get on top of this is to encourage testing as much as possible. It’s better to know and be treated, the illness is manageable if it’s treated early.”
A version of this article originally appeared in the August 2015 issue of The Australian Women’s Weekly. Photography by Eamon Gallagher.
The couple were joined by Tom’s Avengers co-stars, Chris Hemsworth and Mark Ruffalo.
Ghostbusters star and Aussie local Chris Hemsworth took a night off from being the best dad ever to join the loved-up couple, as did Tom’s Avengers co-star Mark Ruffalo, who is currently filming in the land Down Under for Thor: Ragnarok.
A source spilled the beans on the exclusive double date, telling Us Weekly that the slew of celebs dined on sliders and snacked on popcorn as they watched the flick.
“Inside Gold Class, they have waiters so there were strictly only two girls allowed in to serve,” the insider explained of the VIP evening.
Watch Tom dodge questions about Taylor in the player below. Post continues…
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The 26-year-old and her new beau appeared to be in good spirits during the screening.
At one point, Taylor could be heard making an introduction to Thor himself, as the intimate movie date was actually their first meeting.
“I haven’t actually met her yet. I think they only got here three or four days ago,” the father-of-three told the Fitzy & Wippa radio show early last week before their movie night adding, “I’ve seen Tom around, and he looks happy.”
The couple simply haven’t been able to keep their hands to themselves on their loved-up world tour.
Just last week, the handsome Brit confirmed the purity of his relationship with the Shake It Off singer amid rumours of their romance being a publicity stunt.
“Well, um. How best to put this? That notion is – look, the truth is that Taylor Swift and I are together, and we’re very happy,” he gushed to The Hollywood Reporter.
“Thanks for asking. That’s the truth. It’s not a publicity stunt,” he added.
“Personally, I would like to see it stop now for Australia - because I want to feel safe as all of our citizens do when we go out to celebrate Australia Day.”
Sonia Kruger has sparked controversy after she called for Australia to stop Muslim immigration.
On a panel discussion on Monday’s Today Show, Sonia said there’s a correlation between the number of Muslims in a country and the number of terrorist attacks.
“Personally, I would like to see it stop now for Australia – because I want to feel safe as all of our citizens do when we go out to celebrate Australia Day,” she said.
While she did note she had a lot of “very good friends” who were Muslims, she said “there are fanatics.”
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She noted that Japan has a population of 174 million people and 100, 00 Muslims and they’re yet to suffer a terrorist attack.
Co-host David Campbell disagreed with Sonia, saying freedom of religion and freedom of speech were important.
“We’re talking about immigration, David,” she replied.
“I would venture that if you spoke to the parents of those children killed in Nice, then they would be of the same opinion.”
When asked by Lisa Wilkinson if Sonia would want the borders closed to Muslim migrants, Sonia replied, “Yes, yes I would.”
“For the safety of our citizens here, I think it’s important.”
Her comments have now sparked a social media debate with many people weighing in with both criticism and support.
A man who was found guilty of luring three different women on his luxury yacht and raping them has said he’s forgiven the victims “in his heart”.
John Collins, 77, has appeared in court in a bid to overturn the convictions. He committed the horrific acts in the 1980s and early 2000s.
He was found guilty in three separate trials in 2014 and 2015 of raping three women (one of them a 17-year-old) in the Gold Coast, Hamilton Island and Kawana, but he still claims he’s innocent.
Representing himself at the hearing last week, he said: “I have not committed one single crime against those females. I’ve forgiven them in my heart (for) what they’ve done to me.”
“I’m going to die in jail because of these people, because of their filthy lies.”
Collins has already served five years of his more than 12 year sentence.
Denmark’s royal family stepped out in front of the cameras yesterday but all eyes were on little Princess Josephine!
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The energetic five-year-old stole the show at the annual media day at Grasten Castle, playing with their dog and dancing. Such a cutie!
She was joined by her dad Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark, mum Princess Mary, her twin brother Vincent, and siblings Christian, 10, and Isabella, nine, plus grandparents Queen Margarethe II and Princess Henrik.
Josephine definitely livened up the photo call which marked the start of summer for the Danish royals and the beginning of the school holidays.
The statistics are bleak. Over 17,000 Australian women are currently living with a gynaecological cancer, 105 are diagnosed every week and four women lose their lives daily.
There are seven types of gynaecological cancer – ovarian, uterine (the most common being endometrial), cervical, vulvar, vaginal and two rare pregnancy cancers. Collectively, these cancers are the third most commonly diagnosed in Australian women.
With the exception of the ‘Pap Test’ for cervical cancer, there is no test for gynaecological cancer. The symptoms are unclear, and sometimes non-existent.
So why don’t we hear more about it? Alison Evans, CEO of Australia New Zealand Gynaecological Oncology Group (ANZGOG) says that people feel uncomfortable speaking about women’s gynaecological health.
“The words for a woman’s intimate parts are often considered taboo,” she explains.
But ANZGOG wants to change this. They want to put gynaecological cancers at the forefront of conversation and get women talking to each other about it.
And they’ve started by giving us a term we can use to talk about female anatomy; ‘box’.
“Women told us there needed to be a name for their gynaecological bits that all can embrace,” explains Evans.
“The term ‘box’ has been used in the past to describe a woman’s private parts. But it is also a container used to store something worth preserving or precious.”
Deborah Knight is backing the campaign
Evans says that the box analogy worked well on lots of levels. It’s not just a catchy slogan; simple cardboard boxes have also been integral to campaign.
“The everyday cardboard box worked really well to carry the campaign messaging. A single cardboard box tells a powerful story with statistics about the cancers and women on the sides.
“But when multiplied, a number of boxes makes an even more impactful statement,” she explains.
The campaign was launched in Sydney’s Martin Place last week and used 1743 boxes to represent the women who lost their lives to gynaecological cancer in 2015.
That is a lot of boxes.
Evans says that so far the response has been really positive. “Women with a gynaecological cancer are telling us how appreciative they are that we are finally giving them a voice,” she says.
She also notes that men can also play a huge role in the fight against gynaecological cancer.
“Men of all ages came up and spoke to us about the campaign [during the Martin Place launch].
The #SaveTheBox campaign in Martin Place, Sydney
“Men who had lost a wife, a mother, daughter or sister or even had never understood the number of women losing their lives each year from these cancers,” says Evans.
While ‘Save the Box’ aims to get people talking they also want to raise much needed funds.
Professor Michael Friedlander, the founder of ANZGOG says while the organisation’s body of research has changed treatment practices for women, it needs to step up the pace of research if it’s going to truly make a difference.
“Virtually every advance in cancer survival has been made on the back of clinical trials – research is key to improving the lives of women with gynaecological cancer,” he explains.
There are lots of ways that you can get involved in Save the Box: buy a t-shirt, donate directly or stage a fundraising event. You can even get a money box from ANZGOG to save up your lose change.
‘Save the box’ has already gained a lot of traction with celebrities like Johanna Griggs, Ita Buttrose, Jessica Rowe and Livinia Nixon all lending their voices (and social media accounts) to the cause.
Livinia Nixon is lending her voice
“Just because something is a bit awkward to talk about, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t,” newsreader Jayne Azoppardi posted on Instagram
Likewise, Lavinia Nixon said that she was hesitant to post a photo of herself in the Save the Box t-shirt:
She wrote: “But when I read that 1743 Australian women will die from gynaecological cancer this year, I thought, ‘get over it, Nixon’.”
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